Some of you have even more imagination than the county fair.
In order to win $130 worth of fast food gift cards, I asked you all to create your own dream fast food item, regardless of cost, health damage or feasibility. I said I would choose the one I liked the sound of the best, which gave the edge to those who’ve been paying close attention to my fast food reviews generally.
This was still a tough decision, even once I ruled out the redundancies (as I always say, look at your competition – if three people already submitted a Thanksgiving dinner sandwich idea, yours will probably not win).
JimmyGlitter at least had a unique take on turkey day.
How about in the weird traditions like Turducken Jack in the box can make a MacTatoBall! A breaded yummy treat for that individual that has to work on Thanksgiving and c’mon we watch the news and a lot of us will probably be at work this year with the crazy hours BLACK Friday is Now Gray Thursday (Yes I Just coined/invented that term). MacTatoBall is a Turkey Meatball that is covered with Mashed Potatoes rolled into a ball and covered once again by Cheddary Mac n Cheese covered with Panko Crumbs to bread the outside and deep fried to perfection. Just dip them in a chipotle ranch sauce and fast Thanksgiving dinner in a fried yummy ball. You can snack at the Register as your ringing up sales or if your a lucky shopper kill that time in line having your fancy dinner with everyone else waiting.
JimmyGlitter‘s second suggestion isn’t so good, but it’s weird enough to mention. Sushi is great and chili cheese fries are great, but mixing them together sounds slightly vomitous.
SusNachos a’la Volcano it’s Sushi and Nacho fusion. My fantasy appetizer would be is. You get 8 of the most succulent tiger shrimp and tare it’s little head off. peel that sucker clean and roll around in minced garlic and olive oil then dip into tempura batter and fry the ocean out of it (til golden brown) in 350 degree oil when done set onto paper for rest and catch excess grease. Now grab 8 huge Jalapeno peppers slit down the side and stuff with cream cheese and shredded cheddar cheese. use a tooth pick to seal and dip into same tempura batter and deep fry in same oil as shrimp that is ok, and plate the shrimp and Jalapeno poppers together. Now Spoon over yummy spicy and hearty meat chili any brand you love and sprinkle shredded cheddar cheese all over/ Top with 3 spicy tuna rolls and toss on jalapeno rings. A big scoop of melted nacho cheese around the top of that but not over thespicy tuna rolls to create a mote. Finally the last two things a fortress of fries all around these Devilish treats and finish with a spicy ketchup drizzle on the fortress to the edge of plate. Two forks to destroy the Volcano if help is needed or one fork for the die hard. Caution may cause the ring of fire after 3+ hours. Enjoy SusNachos A’la Volcano by Jimmy McCormick
By the power of cholesterol! SoulMind
Half pound of grilled pastrami piled on a half pound patty: half ground bacon half ground beef. Topped with Jalape?o Poppers, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, and a sweet horseradish sauce. Batter dip the sandwich and deep fry that sonamabitch! Served with a side of deep fried macaroni balls with a side of barbecue sauce. Only two drink options: jolt cola or Colt 45. Comes with a pack of Marlborough Reds and an 8-Ball.
ComradeDread, simple but good.
The Bigriben by McDonalds.
The Bigriben is a McChicken stuffed into a McRib stuffed into a Big Mac.
James.k.Polk has a totally winning pitch for the meal overall – my only disappointment contest-wise is that the entrees are fairly conventional as opposed to new items. That said, I’d eat there every day.
While most of us grew up eating Happy Meals from just about every major fast food restaurant, some of us never grew out of the desire to eat FUN food, drink a cool drink, and play with a cool toy.
For the Nerdy Adult, I give you–McPolk’s Happy Nerdy Meals.
As with all Happy Meals, you get choices:
Half Rack Baby Back Ribs, rubbed with a secret blend of spices and slow smoked and finished with your choice of mild Barbeque, Teriyaki, or spicy habanero sauce.
Real Hot Wings (not some bullshit chicken nuggets pretending to be wings) ranch, blue cheese or slap yo’ momma Cajun dipping sauces.
Chicken Parmesan Sandwich featuring panko breaded tenderized chicken breast, flash fried and topped with authentic marinara sauce and provolone cheese. Served on a tender chiabata bun.
FRY ALL THE THINGS–a combination of shoestring fries, onion rings, tater tots. Sweet potato fries 25 cents extra.
DELUXE FRY ALL THE THINGS–same as above but add Long John Silver’s crumb thingies
Margarita Slushy. A lot of companies do frozen margaritas, but at McPolk’s we give free refills! (Designated driver or turn in your car keys required.)
Doc Gonzo’s bourbon-and-coke
Any of our 100 craft beers
Happy Nerdy Meal Prize
NECA 12″ Action Figure (merchandising cross promotion with whatever superhero movie is in theaters. See your local McPolk’s for details.
TIMELY Lego sets featuring your choice of He Man, Star Wars, or DragonBall minifigs.
Uncle Gallen’s DLC Packs for your favorite games. (content varies by location–ask your local McPolk’s manager!)
The new Haggis Burger from Jack In The Box!
A patty of finest ground haggis, composed of the painch, tripe and thairm (stomach, tripe and intestines) of a sheep. Cooked in its own juices until the pores distill dews like amber bead then placed warm, reekin’ rich on a hot roll. Served with a side of neeps (turnips), tatties (potatoes) and a shot of 12 year old scotch. The earth will resound your tread when you dine on the Haggis Burger!
Your choice of Corned Beef or Pastrami (I’d do both…..fuck it) with Swiss Cheese, Thousand Island Dressing, Sauerkraut, and Tomato in a Rye flavored taco shell (hard or soft)
Get on it Del Taco!!!
SlyDante777 with the movie tie-in we need.
Okay, I don’t know if we have to name a specific chain or not, but for the sake of it, let’s say KFC. Anyhow…
We start with two bun-sized pieces of taiyaki (not necessarily shaped like a fish here, but it wouldn’t hurt) made from waffle batter & using…let’s say sweet potato as a filling (though the filling is open to suggestion, cheese or sausage could possibly work as well). In between those buns/cakes, a particularly meaty – but not so meaty that it becomes too much for one’s mouth to realistically handle – boneless piece of karaage-style fried chicken. For toppings, bits of chuno sauce, a hint of sriracha (just enough for heat but not enough to overpower), & of course, some pure maple syrup.
I admit that I probably don’t even know what I’m doing here (there are ingredients I haven’t even tasted myself, let alone know if they’d go good together), but my ultimate goal is to create a fusion of Japanese & Western (particularly Californian) cuisine, fast food, & street food & unite these two overseas powers in a monstrous, exotic chicken burger I call…
“The Pacific Rim.”
If something like this doesn’t become a tie-in for the (hopeful) sequel, I’m questioning what is wrong with the world.
Serve with a large portion of Mountain Dew Voltage (insert your own joke about Kaiju Blue actually being toxic here)!
chart001, you were first with this.
After careful consideration, I think Wendy’s or Jack in the Box would be the closest to carry this:
Just in time for the holidays – Thanksgiving Dinner Sandwich
Shredded Turkey, topped with sweet potatoes, green bean casserole (with the french fried onions of course), cornbread dressing (Because Texas :), covered in melted swiss, all on a toasted chiabatta bun with cranberry dressing spread. Comes with a side of turkey gravy for dipping.
Patch999 is dead right that this should happen. Frito Pie fast-foodized seems obvious.
I’m going with the Frito-Chili-Taco from Del Taco, Taco Bell, Taco Casa, Taco Bueno. Seriously one of them should make this.
Since Doritos shells are already a thing this should be easy.
A Frito taco shell, filled with a thick chili, topped with grated cheese and chopped purple onions, with a shot of sour cream to finish it off.
I’d buy it, eat it and go get another.
Have you ever looked at the cone of Gyro meat at your local greek joint, and wondered what it would be like to bite into that?
Now you can! Daphne’s present the Gyro on a Stick: a roasted mini meat cone, served with a side of tzatziki dipping sauce. All of the flavor, none of the vegetables.
The Mexican-American sub : An 18 inch long sourdough hoagie bun with cheddar cheese slices, 80/20 Taco Meat, nacho cheese sauce, fried chicken strips, macaroni and cheese, topped with pico de gallo, stuffed jalapenos bites, guacamole, and a sour cream sauce.
The Canadian American sub: an 18 inch long sourdough hoagie bun, with ? lb. thinly sliced steak, grilled onions and peppers, provolone cheese slices, fried chicken strips, fries, KFC gravy and your choice of: Cheese curds or mozzarella cheese.
Nacho frings: A plate of fries and onion rings covered in Mexican-blend and nacho cheese with jalapenos and bacon bits
A waffle cone taco shell filled with your choice of chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry battered and deep fried, with drizzled chocolate or raspberry syrup and whipped cream.
I don’t think you can improve on the Baja Blast.
Poutine Burrito / Canadian Burrito from Del Taco
French fries, light brown gravy-like sauce, cheese curds, sour cream, guacamole, and carne asada
DrAbraxas unsurprisingly ignores the edict that someone has to WANT to eat this, besides him.
i’m going to call this EL CULO RELLENO
what is it??? it’s a colon, stuffed with masturbatory sorrows and lost, bitter childhoods. deep fried in the tears of stan lee worshippers. the special south west ingredient is a bird perched on the pouty sphincter.
At Del Taco or Taco Cabana: Taco Balls. Self contained spherical morsels of crispy corn shell filled with your choice of seasoned fajita chicken, carne asada, or beef, cheese, green onion, and a delicately spicy pico de gallo. These can be served as a side dish covered in molten queso goodness, guacamole, and or sour cream. They could be served on a taco salad or miniaturized versions (about cocoa puff size) could be stuffed into a burrito!
rpmarsh has a great idea for synergy.
Carls Junior Blooming Burger (In cross promotion with Outback)
Pepperjack and blu Cheese Serloin Burger topped with Onion Strings and their Zesty Sauce.
10glfan59‘s deep-fried burger pitch appeals to me the most.
OK let’s go Texas with this. A deep fried Bleu cheese bacon burger slider with blue cheese ranch dressing to dip it in. This would have to be a Hardee’s thing.
Winner, winner, fast food dinner on the next page.
neopiate had many great ideas, but the most genius among them is the most simple – a layer of cheese between the skin and meat of a KFC drumstick is some total only-in-America brilliance.
First off I live in michigan. But loving fast food like I do I would make a road trip to jack in the box if I won. Those tacos are like drugs.
First off is the MCheartattack-
Single half pound patty filled with cheese. Completely covered in a lattice work of bacon. Think completely wrapped. All on a deep fried bun. Here is where customer choice comes in though. With mcdonalds making the three new quarter pounders, similar options should be afforded to these.
Option 1- Santa Fe MCheartattack- every thing from the above post. Cheese inside of the burger is pepper jack. Comes with fried onion pepper medley. Included in this medley are jalape?os, bell peppers, and onions all saut?ed to perfection. Sauce served on this is a hybrid creation of franks red hot and BBQ sauce. Bread is a jalape?o ciabatta bread, deep fried.
Option 2- the all American. everything from the first paragraph. Cheese inside is cheddar. On top are two slices of ham the kind they put on mcmuffins aka Canadian bacon. Mustard, ketchup, better pickles, lettuce, mayo. Bun is a standard white bun deep fried.
Option 3- the Swiss. Cheese inside is Swiss. Topped with a mushroom medley. At least 3 different kinds. Two giant deep fried onion rings. Sauce is a hybrid sauce based on A1 bold. Bread is deep friend sourdough.
Option 4- breakfast burger. Everything from the original paragraph. With the addition of a round egg from mcmuffins. Also a sausage patty. Served on bigger sized mcgriddle pancake bun or for 30 cents more French toast, Texas toast size. Cheese inside is a liquid style American cheese.
All if these creations are intended for mcdonalds.
Sonic’s cheesy waffle fries- I like waffle fries more than I like any other kind. But what if you could have tiny chunks of cheese stick to the inner holes of the waffle fry. Served with a sort of angry ranch sauce, similar to hooters.
Sonic’s deep fried pickle spears. Most of us have had deep fried pickle chips at a carnival or at hooters. But what if you didn’t have to subject yourself to humiliation by eating in public or at hooters? Sonic has you covered. A whole pickle cut into quarters and deep fried. Available in an order of four or eight. Comes with 1-2 sauces. Recommended to go with angry ranch.
The next is for Taco Bell.
Taco Bell got it right with the grillers by adding something with bacon to the menu. But I don’t think they went far enough. Bacon nacho cheese chicken chalupa. Bigger than your average chalupa putting it in the need to hold up. Chicken is shredded, nacho cheese is how it always is. Bacon is in strips. 2 strips per chalupa. Also available in steak. Combo comes with medium drink, chips and salsa.
Queso chicken bacon chalupa. Everything above but instead of nacho cheese it is a tangy cheese with tomatoes and peppers in it.
A return of fire roasted sauce packets.
We have three flavors of Doritos tacos but I don’t think we should stop there. There are two flavors the world sorely needs Salsa Verde (green bag) and Spicy Sweet Chili (purple bag) I love the thought of Stephen Colbert eating one on his show.
A new exclusive Mountain Dew flavor, Baja blast is great, why not something pineapple based. Get on it.
Taco Bell breakfast. I know in some select markets Taco Bell is testing this out but it’s not in mine and I have some suggestions.
Chorizo breakfast burrito. Eggs, chorizo, peppers, onions. Veggies are saut?ed which makes them food instead of garbage. Chorizo is spicy. Eggs are scrambled.
Bacon breakfast burrito. Switch out chorizo for bacon and you have this creation.
Imagine having these with fire roasted packets. Miss them yet?
The next creation is for KFC the geniuses behind the double down, may she rest in piece. (I’m sorry pun, I failed you- micheal caine) Imagine with your mind colonels extra crispy chicken. Imagine your biting into a drumstick. The skin crunchy, the chicken tender. Imagine a new layer in between crunchy skin and tender chicken. Cheese. A rich and creamy layer of cheese adding to the dynamic taste of the already amazing chicken. Also for a 30 cent up charge they will rap the top of the drum stick with a bacon strip crisp and perfect.
Desserts are difficult for most fast food places to get right. Mcdonalds pie always lava hot, Burger King pie requires two hands. Mcflurries are a poor mans blizzard. Shakes are all the same. Imagine a dessert that could be eaten like tater tots, with or without a dipping sauce, and available in massive quantities like mcnuggets. Ladies and gentleman I give you…pudding bites. I have no idea if these exist. Imagine a crispy outer shell similar to a hushpuppy, but inside is delicious chocolate pudding, or vanilla, or butterscotch, or banana. More flavors could come out seasonally like strawberry or cherry. Anything but tapioca, ick. They would be available warm or cold and the contents would hold their shape and texture. They would be available covered in powdered sugar or with a frosting. They wouldn’t have a cake texture they would have a pudding texture with a crunchy batter like coating based on the pudding inside. Nilla wafer coated banana filled. Devils food surrounding chocolate, yellow cake surrounding vanilla, pound cake surrounding strawberry, wafer surrounding butterscotch.
The next and last creation should be available anywhere and immediately. Funnel cake fries. Various pie filling type dipping sauces. Covered in powdered sugar or cinnamon sugar blend.
Congratulations to all the virtual chefs. I wish every one of you could plan my birthday party.