?First of all, let me say thanks to everyone who sent in potential FFF stories over the last week. Second of all, let me say extra thanks to those who sent in their sympathies after realizing how awful it is to search through mountains of horrible erotic fan fiction trying to fine one that works for FF. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun, and I appreciate your appreciation. Third, let me also say thanks to Ksa Otaku for sending in this story by ps1fan26, who appears to be one of ComicsNix’s lesser disciples — he might not be quite as imaginatively insane as ComicsNix, but he massacres the English language just as thoroughly. Plus, much like ComicsNix, you’re going to think this guy is a crackfic writer, but then you’re going to see he’s written many, many other fan fics just as awful, one of which is 9,000 words long.
One day in Rodney State there was the small village of PaRappa town.
There was a Rapper in the town by name of PaRappa. He had many friends:
Sunny Funny (who was a flower), PJ Berri (a Bear), and Katy Kat (a
CAT.”) there was a cow r someting called umjammer lammy but hed idn’t
like her much. ANYQWAY!
See? Ya gotta believe!
So PaRappa the rapper was walking along when he saw his smelly headed
teacher CHop Chop the Onion and said “HATATATATA PaRappa Are you the
Chop Chop Master Onion is played by Sean Connery in this fan fic, apparently.
and he said “of corse teacher but lets have a rap of first to
see whose the better raper!”
Are you really sure that’s a typo? I’m certainly not.
So they got to rapping right theyre in the
street! Meanwhile Joe Chin was driving his FLIPPING LONG car down the
street and running over pedestrians left and right (LITERALLY) and they
were dead and the moose teacher pulled him over and said “learn to drive
dumbass” and pulled him ovre.
Fun fact: You have to be a Sergeant Detective before you’re allowed to pull people over twice for the same driving infraction. Also, you need to be able to bend space and time to your will.
PaRappa of course come runing over and
say “What’s da matter teacha?” Moose said “Oh well you see Parappa there
is a idferaence between driving as badly as Joe hear and driving like a
FUCING RETAZRDED CHIMP like YOU!” and she got her hadcuffs and put them
on parappa and threw him onto her police car and puled of his pants and
took out the her night stick and stuffed it up his anal!
She stuffed it right in his adjective!
and she stuff
it in really deep and wandered away.
Soddenly Sunny Funy came by on
her bike and saw him bended over the hood and gasped! “PRAPPA YOU SHOUNT
BE HAVING THIS IN PUBLIC”
Oh, it’s another wacky misunderstanding between Parappa and Sunny Funny! You know, “You gotta believe!” seems like extremely insufficient advice when dealing with your girlfriend catching you with a nightstick up your ass.
CHAPTER 2 Joe Chin was then back at
pad. He loked at picture off suney funny and was grasping for cocks!
I don’t remember that stage in PaRappa. Oh, wait, are we talking about the cooking chicken? With the seafood cake? Is that the cock he’s grasping for? No? Never mind.
was much horney and was jerking of all over! he says to Joe Chin “this
is much injoyable, sunny funny you are the hot girl!” and was
masterbatting furiously until hhe cummed all over his wallpaper!
It took me a looooong minute to realize that Joe Chin was looking at pics of Sunny on his computer rather than ejaculating directly onto his walls. Now I’m extra sad for being forced to think about it at all.
like i better clean this messed up” Right then umerjammy lammer was
open his door, and says to Joe Chin “what was this happen here! Joe Chin
you should be ashamed of” and gets rope and tyes to Jim Chin on chair!
Jim Chin is Joe’s less successful younger brother, I guess.
Umjammy lammer says to Joe Chin then “you are geting punished for bad
deeds! and whips out toreture tools (with pylers and wrenchs and car
bateries) and is punishing Joe Chin!
I know ps1fan26 meant “pliers” there, but “pylers” sounds even more ominous, in my opinion.
Joe chin sayes “umjammer lammey i
donnt desorve this! I just materbating with sunny funny and you come to
make me hurt!”
Joe, you just masturbated to a picture of an underage flower. You very much “desorve” this.
Umjammer Lammy then gets deep down into joe chins
gentitals with alegaor clips and car baterys and atched them to him and
give him nice shock. “Dont does this! I do not like having sperm
shoked.” Joe Chin exclaiming with loud voice and little bit of quiver
Still, Joe’s handling this better than I would. “Madam, I find the car batteries you’ve attached to my testicles to be mildly unpleasant, and I don’t care for it, not one bit!”
CHAPTER 3 MEANWILE suny was at police car wit Parapa
and say “woooooooow it really in their like a sord in a stone! how we
get it out”?
WE MUST FIND THE TRUE KING OF ENGLAND
Parapa just grunted in pain and grimised. So SuNny new wat
to do and put in the car Parapap and dove to the hospital were ther was
her dad working as a hospoital guy and said “there is a stick up his but
can we get it out” and her dad was a flowerpot and said “ok put him on
the table” an d got the warm water ready and pored all that in there
too! and parappa was pased out from all of the shit up his ass and said
pull the lever or whatever right now!”
I know this is a story about a rapping dog with a nightstick stuck in his asshole, but here’s where the story begins to get a little… weird.
and they got a big vacume and
atached it to his anus and switched it on and it becan sucking things
out of his intestine. BUT BOTH BEGIN RAP
Vaccuum: iv been working in
the hopsital so early ive been working here since 1993 and ur a fking
joke so f off buddy lets have a final showdown let’sgo
VACCUM: Suck suck suck all the day long PaRappa suck suck suck all the
day long day long (hes freestyling)
Vaccum: wats this i found? ur
waring a thong
PaRappa: hay no im not
PARAPPAS METER DROPS TO U
Vacuum: they used me on hilter they used me on joe
PaRappa: the used U on hitler they use U on joe
Vacuum: ive suked out
so hard i pulled out a nose
Parappa U suked out so hard U pulled out a
OOPS PARAPPAS METER DROPS TO U RAPPIN’ AWFUL
hve to listen i wont repeat as i find out wat u eat!
vaccuum: did u
check the bowel on the left
parappa: did U check the bowel on the
OH NO ITS BETWEEN AWFUL AND FAIL
Vacuum: this aint kung fu com
on again Parappa: shit my controlers not workin
Vacuum: U GOTTA DO
so PaRapa has to walk out of hospital with nigtstick and stuff still in anus all embareassed.
and but he dies.
COINCIDENTALLY, I BELIEVE I JUST DIED AS WELL.
CHAPTER 4 Day later, Sunny Funny, and PJ Berri, Katy Kat at Parappas funereal.
His funereal what? His funereal what?!
Berri says it was too soon for poor PaRappa to die like this” also
Sunny Funny saying
“I think it was perfect timing, myself,” added Sunny.
“Parappa, we new the well, and it said to see you
dead, but I guess life moves on” Katy Kat says “poor Parapa He was a
good rapper and he was also a dog its too bad that he had to die with
stuff in his asswhole”
I don’t know if I still have a few porn producers reading Topless Robot, but “Asswhole” is kind of brilliant. You guys should try to use it in a few dozen titles at the very least.
Then every friend of Parappa the Rappers
gathered around his corpse and started to have a sexy group orgy with
Parappa (who is not breating).
?…I… fine. Whatever. Everyone’s fucking Parappa the Rapper’s corpse. Sure. I’ll just thank my lucky stars no one’s rapping about it.
Sunny Funny was rubbing her vagina on
Parappa hand and said “gee he sure got cold, but this feels so good when
his hand rubbing my gentails” and DJ Berri who was ejaculate into
Parappa the Rappers.
Parappa the Rapper’s what? PARAPPA THE RAPPER’S WHAT!?! ADJECTIVES NEED NOUNS, GODDAMMIT
Katy Kat was also haveing good sex with Parappas
nose (witch was cold and wet because hes dog) and he is saying “oh my
vaginas is feeling wonderful with this the nose of Parappa the Rappers”
A dead dog’s nose might be cold, but it shouldn’t be wet AND OH MY GOD I HATE YOU I HATE HATE YOU I HATE YOU FOR EVER MAKING ME THINK OF THAT SENTENCE IN MY MIND DIE DIE DIE DIE IN A FIRE
then when they were done covering his boddy with piss and cum and
“You gotta believe!”
they close coughin and give him the funereal he would have
always needed to. Sunny Funny Pj Berry Katy Kat haul off Parappa the
Rappers body to the dojjo to of Chop Chope Master Onion to give him a
kong fu farewell by signging to him a song “kick pungh its youre
funeral, chop block your going to heaven.
jump turn we miss you a ton, pose spin you great”
they put he coffin onto the hole in the ground and bury it. Grave stone
says “Good job Parappa, you can move onto the next life now”
I feel like I need an FFF picture to convey my utter, total contempt for a writer — something that says I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire, but that if they’re weren’t on fire, I would never stop pissing on them because I hate them so, so much. Any suggestions?
5 But cop Chop onion wasnt right and he didnt go to heaven.
contrary he went Hell an d met the gost of the Burger guy from the
second game who was an old Jew and said “im in hell to because i am
Sure, let’s add a dash of antisemitism to this atrocity of the English language, sure. Guys, I really need that “utter contempt” picture. Consider it your homework for the weekend.
parappa say “but im Christion y did i go to hell!” and the
devil (who is really guru ant say) “i found out about ur crimes and u
never escape with these things”
Parappa say “come on gimme a nother
chance” and devil says “ok suure.” And since he is Guru Ant he crawls
into Parappas butcrack and pulls out the night stick and all the other
stuff into a box marked “asscrap” and juust desides to leave it there
and lets parapa go back to live.
Unfortuantly he was berried in a coffin in the gorund and couldnt get out and sufacated!
uncounscious in the coffin was dreaming of sunny Funny and her sweet
puss in his mouth and got a hard one as he was slowly die because of the
no air. PaRappa the Rapper also dreamed of back in the old day when
Pj Barry would get down in his bedroom and shove icecubs deeeping into
his anus and would go almost TOO deep and PaRappa smiled in his coffin
and he die happy and actualy go to heaven this time becaus he forgot to
be doing bad stuff this time around because he was in a cofin althought
he was rubbing his litle dog penis with hes last breat he didnt actualy
get to blow seamen all over the coffin so it dosent really count in gods
(but maybe Parappa cock live on after he died so it has more sex adventure.)