10 Marvel Star Wars Comic Characters Who Deserve Their Own Action Figures
?The recent release of the Celebration V Camie and Fixer two-pack marked the last of Hasbro’s Star Wars comic figures. These offerings featured rare figures representing iconic moments from the saga’s storied comic book history. The end of the line means that tons of characters will never get the opportunity to be immortalized in plastic. As you are doubtlessly aware, the Marvel comics were the first place that readers could experience new Star Wars stories off of the big screen. This is why it is especially sad that so many of the comics’ characters got the shaft from Hasbro. As great as it is to have a Darth Vader figure with blue paint accents that reflect those of his comic doppelganger, it feels like an opportunity to make some fun new figures was missed. From a financial point of view it makes more sense for Hasbro to issue repaints than create new molds for niche characters from the various Marvel and Dark Horse books, but that doesn’t mean we have to like it. So here’s a list of folks from Marvel’s sometimes silly, often sublime Star Wars comic that are more than worthy of their own action figures. For the most part, these entries are characters that have never been represented in toy form before. But there are some variations of fan favorites thrown in for good measure as well. As Chewbacca would say, “Gronk!”
10) Rik Duel
?Early on in the Marvel run, Rik Duel turned up to make life difficult for Luke, Leia, et al. He was a Corellian smuggler who had a penchant for the ladies and was constantly one step ahead of the Empire. Sound familiar? Yep, Duel was largely a carbon copy of Han Solo. The main difference is that he was mostly out for himself. His self-serving behavior made his presence in the comic reinforce what a lovable rogue Han really was (deep down he’s just a Wookie-hugging softie – check out the Star Wars Holiday Special and see for yourself). Meanwhile, it’s a good thing that Corellia isn’t a real place otherwise, its residents would be way pissed at how the Star Wars universe strictly portrays them as horny grifters.
?Darker is a pretty uninspired name to be sure. Yet seeing how contemporary Star Wars villains have ridiculous monikers like Elan Sleezebaggano and Savage Oppress, you’ve got to appreciate the use of restraint in a galaxy far, far away wherever you can find it. Part Grinch and part Nosferatu, the character was the physical embodiment of an entire race’s bad feelings. As such, he was more than just a little cranky. When he encountered Chewie and C-3PO in issue #67, he attempted to unleash eons of rage upon them — completely unaware that the dumbest thing he could ever do was attempt to fuck with a Wookie and his sassy gay robot. Needless to say, Chewbacca put a stop to this nonsense. These days, the Darker character is largely forgotten. Because of his creepy appearance, he would have made an especially nice figure for one of Hasbro’s comic packs. That we will never be able to put him on our action figure shelves makes me feel some pent-up anger of my own…
?One of Rik Duel’s gang of swindlers, Dani is a purple-skinned alien from the planet Zeltros whose hobbies include blue-balling Luke Skywalker and petty theft. Her loyalty to Duel and her ferocious sense of independence made her the most complex female supporting character in the comic (insert your assertion that Shira Brie/Lumiya was a better character here). It’s a safe bet that some of you are thinking more about masturbating furiously to Dani’s picture than contemplating her strength and intelligence right now. In that case, here you go.
7) The Hiromi
?There’s really nothing less menacing than Space Beatniks. These intergalactic blowhards were an insect race intent on conquering the galaxy, all the while dressed like extras from the coffee shop sequences of A Bucket of Blood. Because Hasbro mainly reused existing molds for their comic figures (Lumiya being a notable exception), we didn’t get any Hiromi toys. Their monstrous — yet delightfully stupid — looks would have made them right at home in the Creature Cantina dioramas of Star Warriors worldwide.
?Since Star Wars‘ primary robot is a pissy bitch, it was refreshing whenever a strong cyborg character took center stage in the comic stories. Enter Master-Com. That was the name given to a series of droids who more or less shared the same consciousness aboard the “Wheel” space station that appeared in a second year story arc. When one Master-Com was destroyed, another went online. All of these robots developed feelings of friendship for humans and their fight against evil, which is a nice break from the usual cyborg M.O. of wanting to eradicate meatbags from the universe. So each Master-Com lived his life with a sense of honor while Goldenrod spent his days whining and cockblocking Han Solo. You tell me which one you’d rather be stuck in space with.
5) Bad Ass Lando
?Admittedly, this one is kind of a cheat since Hasbro did in fact make a Lando Calrissian figure in one of their comic packs. But what they should have done is given him the “disguise” he takes on for no good reason in issue #75. During a search for an errant droid, he insanely goes undercover by donning an eye patch and a red beret. Looking like an intergalactic Curtis Sliwa, Lando proceeds with his mission while Chewie regrets not choking him to death back on Cloud City. Awesomely enough, this wasn’t the only time Lando got to indulge his cosplay fantasies in the comic. Four issues later he was trolling the space bars looking like this:
?Holy crap, it’s Captain Harlock! Action figure customizers, you know what you have to do.
4) Valance the Hunter
?As the final episode of The Prisoner taught us, we often our own worst enemies. This was definitely the case with Beilert Valance, a bounty hunter who really hated cybernetic lifeforms. The twist? HE WAS A DROID HIMSELF! Well, mainly. After a battle left him near death, he was given life-saving robotic implants… and a pretty severe case of self-loathing. This tragic secret fueled his desire to make sure that humans and robots don’t make nice with each other. Spoiler alert: Valance eventually learns that prejudice is bad. Then another dude who’s more machine than man, Darth Vader, ended him. That’s fucked up. Here’s further proof that there’s no justice in this or any galaxy: Right now you can go on eBay and buy a figure of Anthony Daniels from that nonsense Episode II nightclub scene. The pathos-strewn Valance, not so much. Sigh.
3) Jabba the Hut
?That’s not a typo you see above — early on in the Marvel run Jabba was a thin creature (with one ‘T’ in Hutt) who looked more like a Brundelfly fusion of Homer Simpson, Mr. Homm and Chumley the Walrus than the morbidly obese slug we know and love. This is because no one at Marvel knew what Jabba was going to look like when they started work on the comic (the only reference material they had was the script). Legend has it that the Jabba scene was shot with actor Declan Mulholland, who was to be matted over with an alien later a la what you see in the Star Wars: Special Edition. This story is frankly dubious given that Mullholland is in full costume, but whatever. Don’t try to figure out the real story of Jabbagate or you might wind up terminally bored and/or curled up in a fetal position crying for your misspent youth. The point here is that illustrator Howard Chaykin visualized the look of this bizarre alternate universe Jabba, and it’s a thing of beauty indeed. It merits its own figure in exactly the same way that the McQuarrie concept drawings did. Oddball though it may be, this Jabba the Hut is part of Star Wars history and as such should be immortalized in 3-? of pure plastic love.
?Jaxxon is often mentioned in Hasbro’s fan choice polls, but the company refuses to budge and make him. Perhaps they fear that Warner Brothers will think the character looks a bit too similar to Bugs Bunny and slap them with a cease-and-desist order — leaving them with a warehouse of merchandise they can’t sell. A more likely scenario is that a green rabbitty alien is just too goofy and obscure to produce. Not that they have never released an insane figure from a peripheral Star Wars property before (the Hammerhead Jedi from Geddy Tartakovsky’s Clone Wars toon comes to mind). Marvel’s comic did tend to be a bit over the top, and Jaxxon here is the carrot-chomping embodiment of the book’s writers at their most unhinged. Just because he’s ridiculous doesn’t mean he’s not lovable too. It’s time he stops being looked at as the red-headed stepchild of the comics and got his due. He’s no Don-Wan Kihotay, but he’s still pretty cool.
1) These Broads
?I don’t know if Chewie has an open relationship (it was the 1970s after all), but if not Mala is going to be pissed.