Tekken: The Inevitably Superior Fan-Made Movie

Somewhere, there is a real Tekken movie being made, or it has been made, or it’s going to be made. I don’t care enough to look it up. You know why? Because Tekken sucks. It’s a horrible button-masher fighting game starring a fucking bear, and yes, I know my beloved Soul Calibur is goofy, but Tekken makes Soul Calibur look like Shakespeare’s Richard the III. I’m still pissed that fuckwad Yoshimitsu is cluttering up my SC roster. Go back to fighter Puma-headed wrestlers and kangaroos, you shit-borg.

My point is — the official Tekken movie will suck. Suck ass. It’ll probably make the recent Dead or Alive movie also look like Richard the III. So watch this fan-made trailer for a Tekken movie — it’s was made for some G4 contest, but was entered too late — and tell me this isn’t as good as it’s going to get. Bandai Namco? Write these guys a small check and just quit while you’re ahead. It’s all downhill from here, I promise.

Fucking Tekken. (Via Kotaku)