Breaking: The IPhone Wins

Why? Not because of its touch-screen. Not because of its full internet access nonsense. But because it now has what is effectively the Star Wars Arcade game as an app. Look at the video, which I purloined from Agent M! It has blowing up TIE Fighters! Shooting guns in the trench! Dodging those large bars that didn’t appear anywhere in the movie! And now, for the first time, dodging Darth Vader’s shockingly inaccurate laser shots (should’ve used the Force, motherfucker)! Apparently the game isn’t available quite yet, but suffice it to say, it’s all I ever wanted to do with a phone. This is truly the golden age, my friends.