The Crimson Guard Have Taken Kansas City

Sad news — Cobra has conquered Kansas City, Missouri. The terrorist organization dropped 300 Crimson Guard members into the city, cunningly timed with the beginning of the 2009 Joecon convention, so that instead of screaming or fighting back, children and adult collectors marveled at the idea of receiving a free 12-inch figure during what they thought was a Hasbro publicity stunt. The Cobra troopers had almost no difficulty in subduing the midwestern city. There were no survivors.