And Here’s Why the Future is Doomed

agmarisol.jpgSpeaking of mind-shattering horror, you don’t have to be a femme-y coward like myself to be terrified of the American Girl dolls. They’re stuck deep in the uncanny valley, looking simultaneously too much and not enough like humans, implying that they contain some kind of brain-eating lizard alien underneath the skin. They also invoke a Scientology-esque cult in children, centered to the doll’s backstories, dresses and care (seriously, do a Google image search for these things, and quake in terror at the amount of girls and dolls dressed alie). And now they’re voting.

Felicity Merriman, who is described as “a girl who’s as spirited and independent as the American colonies she lives in [and who]believes the colonies should be free, not ruled by a king who lives far away,” is a fervent Obama supporter, though “her grandfather and her best friend, Elizabeth, support the king’s rule.” Grandpa and Liz, with their weakness for royalty and other guys who are full of themselves for no apparent reason, are rooting for Rudolph Giuliani.

Big Daddy has this adequately freaked-out “report” that the American Girl dolls have each picked their candidates. If you’d care to know the voting trends for freakish homunculi, this would probably be a good place to start. Also, it should be obvious to everyone once these things get in the voting booth, zombies and/or plagues can’t really be far behind.