[iReview] Crush the Castle

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 1:38 PM Mar 16, 2010

After I mentioned yesterday that I intended to review the iPhone version of Crush the Castle, a friend of mine gave me crap for reviewing a game that was so old. I suppose that's a valid point, but I still think there's good reason to review the game. First of all, the game received a significant upgrade in the last couple months that adds a lot of content. Secondly, there are so many new games on the iPhone all the time that reviews of old titles are still valuable. After all, I haven't had my iPod Touch for too long, and I appreciate some guidance as to what the best titles on the App Store are. With that in mind, I present to you my review of Crush the Castle. Read on!

[Review] God of War III

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 4:27 PM Mar 10, 2010

It's a great time to own a PlayStation 3. Between Heavy Rain and God of War III, there simply isn't another platform that's matching the quality of exclusive titles that Sony is putting out at the moment. However, while Heavy Rain was an experience like no other title out there right now, God of War III only offers more of the same. That's not a bad thing - God of War III may not be innovative, but it is supremely polished and incredibly enjoyable. There's a reason that the God of War franchise has been borrowed from so liberally since the first game hit the scene; it's a great series with great action gameplay, and God of War III proudly continues that tradition.

[Review] Major League Baseball 2K10

Posted by Caleb Newby at 2:36 PM Mar 09, 2010

And the umpire hangs his head in disappointment...

It's that time of year when snow begins to melt, temperatures rise, days get longer, hope springs eternal, and America's pastime winds up once again. With the baseball season on the horizon comes 2K Sports' yearly entry, Major League Baseball 2K10 ready to do battle once again with Sony's MLB 10 The Show. Can the this year's entry from 2K dethrone the critically acclaimed Sony franchise? Quite frankly the answer is no, it cannot, but it's closer than ever and finally making a game out of it.

[Review] The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:23 AM Mar 09, 2010

I apologize for the lateness of this review. The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom was released on Xbox Live Arcade back on the 17th of last month, making this review pretty late by online standards. I feel that it's important to recognize how behind schedule I am with this review, because Winterbottom is a game about time. If I had the time-manipulating powers of our dastardly title character, I'd go back and produce this review in a more time-appropriate manner. But I don't, so I'm forced to acknowledge that this little game about time forced me to progress slowly through it, thanks to some clever puzzles that require a lot of thought to sort out.

[Review] Resident Evil 5 - Desperate Escape

Posted by James Hawkins at 11:20 PM Mar 04, 2010

Um, I think he's pissed.

Two weeks ago, Capcom came out with the first of two new Resident Evil 5 episodes for download on Xbox Live and PlayStation Network. Now the second downloadable chapter has been released. With this newest one, the developers at Capcom have decided to shy away from the throwback theme by turning Desperate Escape into a full-blooded action game. Everyone saw this day coming -- the day where the series stepped entirely into the action realm -- and for those of you that had reservations about the transition, I think you just got proved right.

[Review] Lazy Raiders

Posted by James Hawkins at 2:00 PM Mar 01, 2010

Too lazy to think of something clever

Archaeologist Dr. Diggabone knows just where to find some priceless artifacts. If he can get his hands on them, he is guaranteed fame and fortune. The problem is that he is too lazy to even walk. But he doesn't mind getting bounced around the Earth's crust for a little while, so it's up to us to help the old, slothful doctor on his adventure. And rather than controlling this porky ball of lethargy, we find ourselves spinning the world around him, dropping him through dozens of mazes and traps. A funny and intriguing premise, but how does this little puzzler play out?

The Top Ten Franchises in Video Game History

Posted by James Hawkins at 9:15 AM Feb 25, 2010

The Best of the Best

Highly-acclaimed and massively popular video game franchises are the cornerstone of the gaming industry. Each year numerous sequels, prequels and spin-offs take the market by storm -- a seemingly endless flow of new entries to series that come in all shapes and sizes, spanning genres and platforms. It is in these games that we, as gamers, are met with something new and something familiar at once, which leads to some of the most moving and involving experiences we encounter throughout the medium. So, with that, I give you the official Joystick Division list of the best and most influential video game franchises in history. Please enjoy!

[Review] Heavy Rain

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 12:43 PM Feb 23, 2010

It's been said in much of the coverage of Heavy Rain that it's hardly a video game in the traditional sense. I'd argue the complete opposite - Heavy Rain is a video game in a very classic style: the adventure game. The adventure game genre has experienced something of a renaissance lately, thanks to the work of developers like Telltale games. I haven't personally checked out many of the recent adventure game titles, so for me Heavy Rain was like revisiting late-era Sierra adventure games like Phantasmagoria, when a game's story was more important than how you interacted with the world. The decidedly old-school mentality of Heavy Rain means that it likely won't appeal to every gamer out there, but for me the game was (mostly) a rousing success. In a strange way, I even count Heavy Rain's failings as successes. Read on and I'll explain what I mean.

[iReview] Piyo Blocks

Posted by Owen Johnson at 7:16 PM Feb 22, 2010

If you took the concept behind Bejeweled, put a Japanese flair on it, and pixelated the results -- well you'd have Piyo Blocks. It's quirky, it's colorful, easily accessible, wonderfully charming, and most of all it offers a challenge to the first time player as well as the seasoned puzzle vet.

[Review] Resident Evil 5 - Lost in Nightmares

Posted by James Hawkins at 2:13 PM Feb 19, 2010

Just a couple of good lookin' people out to kill some zombies.

Last March, Resident Evil 5 took the venerable franchise in a new direction. With the integration of online multiplayer elements, the world of downloadable content was busted wide open. Now, nearly a year later, the folks at Capcom have released the first of two new RE episodes, entitled Lost in Nightmares. This time, Chris Redfield is teamed up with longtime partner Jill Valentine on a BSAA mission to an old mansion (ring any bells?). It's definitely a trip down memory lane, but does this small entry stack up to expectation?

[iReview] Plants vs. Zombies

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 11:31 AM Feb 17, 2010

Since the rise of "casual" games in the last few years, there hasn't been a casual game that's been as wholeheartedly embraced by the games journalism field as Plants vs. Zombies. If you played it, you already understand why. If you haven't played it, then you should. In its original PC/Mac incarnation, Plants vs. Zombies was a shining example of what a casual game could be: fun, instantly understandable and deep enough to keep gamers of all levels engaged. It was a good-looking "tower defense" game with bright, colorful graphics, a charming soundtrack and a lengthy campaign. Now the game has made the leap to iPhone and iPod Touch, and unsurprisingly it has lost none of the charms that made it one of the best casual games ever.

Pretension +1: Thou Shalt Steal

Posted by Gus Mastrapa at 1:05 PM Feb 12, 2010

Last week I reviewed Dante's Inferno for Wired.com and pointed out the fairly obvious fact that the game cribs more than a little from the God of War playbook. In a response to my review called "Slamming Games For Being Derivative is Like So Totally Derivative" writer and colleague Jason Killingsworth from Paste called my assertion that Dante's Inferno was derivative a "flimsy premise."

So let me take this opportunity to live up to this column's name and quote French new wave director Jean-Luc Godard. "It's not where you take things from," the filmmaker once said. "It's where you take them to."

[Review] BioShock 2

Posted by James Hawkins at 11:10 PM Feb 10, 2010

Welcome Back to Rapture

It's been ten years since plane-wrecked Jack first set foot in the ravaged dystopia of Rapture, and there's a new sheriff in town. Her name is Sofia Lamb, and she's all about community. The legacy of Rapture founder Andrew Ryan has all but vanished and a new attempt at Utopia has been instituted -- that of a collective, altruistic order. You take the role of Delta, an early prototype Big Daddy who has just regained consciousness after a long coma, and traverse the hallways in search of a Little Sister who you were paired with from all those years ago.

[Review] Mass Effect 2

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 1:55 PM Jan 28, 2010

I have played, but not completed, the original Mass Effect. I mentioned that before in this post, because I think it's a good thing to get some opinions on the game by someone who wasn't already an established fan. To reiterate a point I made in the previous post, most gamers know that they can pick up the annual Call of Duty and enjoy it even if they didn't play the previous game. But when a game is clearly part of a continuous series like Mass Effect 2, many players may assume they should skip it if they didn't play the original. As a relative Mass Effect neophyte who just completed the second game, I feel qualified to weigh in on that question. My verdict: Mass Effect 2 is a game that should not be missed, even if you haven't played the first.

[Review] Army of Two: The 40th Day (Part One)

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:53 AM Jan 13, 2010

As I mentioned in the Bayonetta review, I'm playing around with some different review concepts these days. Army of Two: The 40th Day isn't such a major title that it deserves extended coverage, but it is a game that was brought to you by the number Two, so splitting it into two separate parts seems to make sense.In this first part, I'll discuss the game as a solo-experience, while the next part will focus on multiplayer and co-op.

[Review] Bayonetta

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 12:00 PM Jan 08, 2010

Bayonetta and I have a complicated relationship. When I first heard about the game, I thought it sounded so silly that there was no way it could be good. But my early hands-on time with the game made me change my tune. Then the demo convinced me that Bayonetta had a shot at greatness. Now that I've had a chance to play through the game, my final verdict is in. My take? Read on to find out.

[Overdue Review] Dragon Age: Origins

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 1:55 PM Dec 17, 2009

It's been a busy gaming season, and thanks to that it's been a while since I've run a review. It doesn't help that many of this year's games are huge, like BioWare's Dragon Age: Origins. Having finally finished this massive game, I figured that it was about time to get a review up. Given the lateness, I'm running under the seldom-used Overdue Review category, but I wasn't surprised to see that I'm not the only critic running reviews of this game in mid-December. After all, it's a simply massive game, one that encourages multiple runthroughs of its lengthy quest.

[Overdue Review] DJ Hero

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 12:48 PM Nov 16, 2009

I was out of the country when DJ Hero released late last month, and in internet time it's been an eternity since the game came out. Since I'm late to the party and the sales figures of DJ Hero show that most of you have already made up your minds about the game, I'm going to keep this short. DJ Hero is a good game - not a great game, but a good one. It's the freshest thing to hit the music game genre in a while, but that doesn't mean that it's without its flaws. Read on for more.

What the Heck is Bakugan?

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 11:38 AM Oct 26, 2009

I'm a childless man somewhere between the ages of 30 and 75, so there are a lot of things that I don't understand: Fall Out Boy, the Twilight phenomenon, anything on MTV, stuff like that. And don't get me started on the way kids today dress, with their skinny jeans and stupid baseball caps with the straight visors. As an out-of-touch old guy, I definitely haven't kept up on all the various Pokemon-esque trading card games out there, such as Bakugan.

I normally only review big, mainstream games for this site, but every now and again I like to check out games outside of my comfort zone. When a PR representative for Bakugan asked me if I wanted to check out the game I said yes, figuring I should occasionally make an attempt to understand what the young'uns today are into. I spent the weekend immersed in the world of Bakugan: Battle Brawlers and have emerged a changed man. Or at least one who knows the value of a Bakugan Double Stand.

[Review] Brutal Legend

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 2:00 PM Oct 13, 2009

I love heavy metal. Over the years I've been to shows by bands like Black Sabbath, Motorhead, White Zombie, Slayer, Megadeth, Mastodon, and countless other metal bands, and I have the inner-ear damage to prove it. I loved some of game developer Tim Schafer's previous games, particularly Psychonauts, Day of the Tentacle and Full Throttle. A game combining heavy metal and Tim Schafer's distinct brand of quirky gameplay should therefore be a match made in heavy metal heaven. Enter Brutal Legend. Schafer's big sloppy love letter to metal, Brutal Legend seems predestined for a devoted cult following. But with publisher EA spending millions to hype Brutal Legend with Monday Night Football ads, "cult hit" probably isn't what anyone wants to hear. As much as I'd love to tell you Brutal Legend is an instant classic, this heavy metal opus isn't quite the game I hoped it would be.

[Review] Halo 3: ODST

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 2:46 PM Sep 23, 2009

Let's get the old reviewer's cliche out of the way: Halo fans are already playing Halo 3: ODST and Halo haters have already decided that they're not interested. There's nothing here that will change either group's mind. This strictly a review for the Halo-agnostics. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get on with the review!

Halo 3: ODST is Bungie's first attempt to expand the Halo Universe beyond the story of its starring character Master Chief (RTS spin-off Halo Wars was created by Ensemble Studios, not Bungie). In several ways, ODST is a big departure for the series. In many ways, its simply more of the same.

[Non-Review] Need for Speed: Shift

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 5:16 PM Sep 22, 2009

Games have a way of showing up at my door. Yes, I know, my life is great. Except for all the crying and the crippling depression. Sometimes, a game shows up that I have no business reviewing. One such game is Need for Speed: Shift. I've played a fair share of arcade-style racers, but sim racers are just not my thing. I don't get them, plain and simple. Need for Speed Shift leans more towards the sim racer category, and since I don't play games like Forza and Gran Turismo, I can't fairly review it. I just couldn't tell you how it stacks up against the competition. However, I CAN tell you that based on my time with it, it's pretty badass.

In Shift, you're the driver. You're not just the guy steering the car, you have a body inside the car: hands, feet, a head that moves around inside the cockpit, the whole deal. Shift isn't the first game to try this, but it does it really well. Accelerate and your head snaps back. Hit a wall and your vision shakes or gets blurry. This game really makes you feel like you're inside the car. As a non-sim guy, I'm playing it on the lowest difficulty and can smoke the AI cars, but on a higher setting I can barely keep a car on the road. Even still, I'm having fun with it. I'm terrified of the online multiplayer, as I have a feeling I won't be able to hang with the competition, but there's plenty in the single-player that keeps me coming back: lots of cool cars, fun events, etc. As a non-sim racing guy, I'm digging it. If anyone with more experience with the genre wants to share their thoughts, let's hear 'em in the comments.

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Categories: Reviews
Tags: Need for Speed, Non-Review, Review, Shift

[Micro-Review] Wolfenstein - Campaign Mode

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 12:50 PM Sep 17, 2009

Normally, a big-budget shooter like Wolfenstein would get a full-blown like we normally do around these parts. That was the original intention. However, circumstances have conspired against that. I played through Wolfenstein the same way I play most games I review: by completing the single-player campaign before checking out the multiplayer. Most of the time, this method has served me well. After all, the basic information you need for multiplayer (controls, weapons, powers, etc.) is usually learned by playing through the campaign. However, in this instance, it backfired on me in a big way. Even though Wolfenstein was only released late last month, the online community is already dead. Despite trying multiple times, I was never able to find an online match - not once. The closest I came was sitting in a multiplayer lobby with one other lonely player for a match that never started. We now know that Wolfenstein sold a meager 106,000 copies in August (combined across Xbox, PS3 and PC), so there are simply not enough players online to give multiplayer a chance.

[Review] The Beatles: Rock Band

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:19 AM Sep 16, 2009

There's almost no point to reviewing The Beatles: Rock Band. If you're a gamer who likes The Beatles, your decision on whether or not to buy the game was likely decided by those two factors. On the flipside, while I believe there are few music game fans who actually hate The Beatles, I'm sure there are those who are largely disinterested. In all honestly, I am one of those people who considered myself Beatles-neutral. I recognized their place in history, yet felt no really strong tie to their music. That has changed. While The Beatles: Rock Band has fairly been called a sanitized revisionist look at The Beatles' career, it feels more like a gateway drug for new listeners than a game strictly for Beatlemaniacs.

[Review] Batman: Arkham Asylum

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 1:00 PM Sep 01, 2009

Unlike many reviewers, I didn't get a copy of Batman: Arkham Asylum until it was available to the public. As a result, the word was already out when I started playing. The consensus was that Arkham Asylum was a great game, a sure contender for Game of the Year. I must admit that I went into the game with that in mind, which a detective like Batman would surely tell me was a mistake. You can't find the truth if you've already decided you know it, he'd say. So what did I find when I stepped into Arkham Asylum? Read on and you'll find the answers.

[Overdue Review] Raiden Fighter Aces

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 9:49 AM Aug 24, 2009

It's hard to stay up on every game when you're a critic. It's even harder when you're an average gamer. That's why every now and then we dip into the backlog and check out a game that didn't get reviewed the first time around in our Overdue Reviews features. Many times these games have dropped in price since they've been released, making them great choices for budget-conscious gamers.

Today's Review: Raiden Fighter Aces for Xbox 360.

[Review] Shadow Complex

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 12:50 PM Aug 21, 2009

I've said before that when writing reviews I prefer to talk about the actual content of the game rather than the issues surrounding it. But, in my previous piece about Shadow Complex, it seemed that a raw nerve was touched when I mentioned that author Orson Scott Card, who created with world Shadow Complex with the creative team at Chair Entertainment, holds many right-wing views, including a hawkish stance on foreign policy and some vehemently anti-gay beliefs. Let me just say right off the bat that I in no way condone or share Orson Scott Card's opinions. I am as left-wing as it gets, but my political opinions should in no way affect your reading of this review. On the same token, Card's politics should in no way affect your enjoyment of this game. I can understand not wanting to give money to a person that you disagree with (although were you to boycott all games by people of questionable opinions, you'd probably have far fewer games to play.), but if you can see past the controversy, you'll find that Shadow Complex is a great game, and one that has very little to say politically one way or the other.

[Review] Ghostbusters

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 9:48 AM Jul 15, 2009

My apologies to the Ghostbusters. The one-two punch of OWSS09 and a broken Xbox means I'm delivering this review much later than I intended. Sorry guys, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. I do. I've seen both your movies more times than I can count - dozens if not hundreds of times each. Last year, I caught a bit of the first movie on cable while flipping channels, and I was impressed with both how much I remembered about it and how much more there still was to discover. For example, I don't think I'd ever noticed before little details mentioned like Gozer's other name (Volguus Zidrohar) or the name of the architext that designed Dana Barret's building (Ivo Shandor). I love the Ghostbusters franchise, and it's clear from the game that developer Terminal Reality does too. But love and respect for the source material doesn't guarantee a great game. Did Terminal Reality deliver? Find out after the jump.

[Review] Red Faction: Guerrilla

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 2:31 PM Jul 10, 2009

At long last, I have completed all three of the contenders in my Open World Superhero Smackdown 2009 project. After playing through Infamous and Prototype, I've finally knocked down Red Faction: Guerrilla, the least "super-hero-y" of the three. While possessing no superhuman abilities of his own, Guerrilla protagonist Alex Mason definitely deserves to stand alongside Infamous' Cole McGrath and Prototype's Alex Mercer (no relation). After all, only one of them can level a building in seconds. Sure, he uses tools to do it, but Batman uses gadgets too, and he's a superhero. So there you go. Now that Mason's superhero bonafides have been scientifically proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, let's move on to the review, shall we?

Road Test: Able Planet PS500MM Headphones

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 9:12 AM Jul 08, 2009

Over the last couple weeks, I've had a chance to check out a new pair of PC gaming headphones from audio gear manufacturer Able Planet. The company was good enough to send me a demo unit of their upcoming PS500MM headphones, and I've been using them as my primary sound device for my PC ever since. As you can see in the promo shot above, these headphones were designed for gamers, with a microphone built right in for trash-talking your opponents or what have you. What you can't see in this shot is the one-handed volume and mic control dongle built right into the cord. You can adjust the volume levels or mute the mic without taking your hand of your mouse, a feature designed to assist with the core function of this headset: the prevention of hearing loss.

I checked out the PS500MM with games, music and Skype, and on all three, the headset delivers crisp, powerful sound at low volumes. Able Planet included technology they call "LINX AUDIO," which delivers clear sound at low volumes so you don't blow out your ears. Trust me, it works. The first few times I put on this headset, I constantly found myself turning the volume down because the standard blasting decibels just weren't necessary. The leather ear cuffs are quite comfortable for long-session wear, and I appreciate that the headphones can be used with either USB or mic/headphone jacks (although an included adaptor is required for USB - another computer componet to keep track of). The headset is light, comfortable, and the microphone flexes out of the way when not in use. In short, I was really pleased with the PS500MM headphones, and I'd recommend them for heavy PC gamers at the resonable price of $99 bucks. And if you're not a PC gamer, Able Planet's TL300 headset will launch this December and is compatible with the Xbox 360.

If you're interested in more info, I've included the PS500MM press release after the break.

[Review] Prototype

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:19 AM Jul 06, 2009

Like its shape-changing protagonist Alex Mercer, Prototype is tricky to nail down. Alternately brilliant and frustrating, ambitious and flawed, Prototype is a game that tries to do many things, succeeding in some areas and falling flat in others. It's a game that will offer different players different levels of enjoyment based on what they expect from the game and how they play it. If that sounds contradictory or confusing, that's because it is. Prototype will confound many players while thrilling others, and many times what one player hates about the game another will love. Read on for the official verdict on Joystick Division's second contestant in the Open World Superhero Smackdown 2009.

Micro-Review: Ghostbusters [Wii]

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 9:49 AM Jul 02, 2009

Because I don't have enough on my plate, I've been squeezing in some time with the various versions of Ghostbusters when I'm not playing one of the summer's open-world games. Most of that time has been with the 360 version, but I've also been checking out the Wii game, which sticks pretty close to the same script and level design, albeit with cartoonier graphics. I've heard some people complain that the Wii game is a poor shadow of the console game, but frankly I don't see it. What the Wii game lacks it makes up for with exclusive features. Only the Wii version features two-player split-screen co-op, and wrangling ghosts with the Wii Remote is as fun as you'd expect. While capturing ghosts feels simpler on the Wii, it also feels more tactile - you must swing the remote around to slam the ghost around the room, which is a blast. However, the process as a whole is more automated than in the 360/PS3 version, so skilled gamers will blow through the Wii game a lot more quickly.

I'll have my full impressions of the 360 version soon, and much of what I say about that version will apply to this one as well. If you like Ghostbusters and you only own a Wii, I think you'll be pretty happy with this version of the game. It may look like a cartoon, but the game's script (which is its main selling point) is intact, and bustin' ghost will make you feel good. What more do you need?

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Categories: Reviews
Tags: Ghostbusters, Review, Wii

[Review] Infamous

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:01 AM Jun 29, 2009

After long delay, I finally able to bring you the first review in my OWSS09 competition. As the only PS3 game of the bunch, the untimely death of my Xbox meant that Infamous got bumped to the top of the review pile, but even when I scored a loaner Xbox I stuck with Infamous, because it's simply a damn fine game that's hard to put down. It's not perfect and it's too early to say if it will be my pick for best Open-World game of Summer of 2009, but there's a lot to love about Infamous and very little to dislike.

Keep Bustin'

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:30 AM Jun 26, 2009

Sandwiched between all the open-world games I've been playing for OWSS09 is another game I've been playing - or rather, several games. Those games are all called Ghostbusters. I've spent a bit of time with the 360, Wii and DS versions of the beloved franchise relaunch, and the console versions are pretty darn good so far. I'll have a full review of the 360 version soon and an article about the differences between the next-gen and the Wii version soon after that. However, I've got a verdict for you on the DS version right now:

Pass.

While I applaud developer Red Fly Studio for trying to do something unique with the DS version, the actual game is crippled by its own ambition. There are driving sections and light RPG elements, but controls are picky, there's no onscreen indicator to point you where your objective lies in the samey-looking environments, and the game's script (the major selling point of the console versions) is severely pared down. Ghostbusters DS does have some great sound and nice visuals, but I can't recommend it to anyone except the most hardcore Ghostbusters fans.

More on the console versions soon. I guarantee it will be more positive than this.

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Categories: Reviews
Tags: DS, Ghostbusters

[Review] X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 2:13 PM Jun 08, 2009

I went back and forth on whether I should categorize this review in the "Overdue Review" category. After all, X-Men Origins: Wolverine came out a month ago. Sure, a month isn't much time in the real world, but in internet time it's an eternity. When this game came out, Keyboard Cat was a young online phenomenon who hadn't yet been on Saturday Night Live and none of us knew what the bottom of an Avatar's shoe looked like. But Wolverine's story is a long one that's stretched out across hundreds of years, decades of comics and multiple movies, so I decided it was okay for me to take a cue from our pal Logan. Take a trip back in time with me to a simpler day before Adam Lambert was robbed of his American Idol crown!

[Review] Bionic Commando

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 12:04 PM May 29, 2009

Like many gamers who grew up in the heyday of the Nintendo Entertainment System, I was a big fan of the original Bionic Commando. It was weird, complex and dark compared to games like Super Mario Bros. and its clones, and it was deep and challenging compared to pretty much anything. Back in those days, I could reliably swing through Bionic Commando in an afternoon, making it all the way to the final Hitler-inspired boss fight without breaking a sweat. I wasn't a gaming prodigy; I just knew the game so well that I had all its trickiest moments memorized. So when Capcom made its long-rumored revival of the franchise official, I knew I'd be playing the next-gen relaunch. Does it live up to the nostalgia-fueled expectations Bionic Commando fans like me have built up over the last 20 years? Of course not. Nothing could. While the new Bionic Commando misses the mark on several points that made the original so compelling, it's still a worthy relaunch to a franchise we've been waiting too long to see revived.

[Overdue Review] House of the Dead Overkill

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 9:25 AM May 21, 2009

It's hard to stay up on every game when you're a critic. It's even harder when you're an average gamer. That's something I've been thinking about for a while, and it's the impetus behind a new feature I'm calling Overdue Reviews. When we here at JD get a chance to check out a game in our backlog, we'll let you know what we think about it. Our first subject (as you probably guessed) is Sega's recent light gun shooter House of the Dead Overkill for Wii.

Micro-Review: Space Invaders Extreme

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:09 AM May 18, 2009

I'm calling this a "micro-review" because even though my mind's already made up on the game, I'd like to spend more time with Space Invaders Extreme before I do a more in-depth write-up. I quickly checked it out this weekend and my reaction was "Holy shit! This game is amazing!" Yes, I know that it's been available on other platforms for quite some time now, but I'm finally getting around to it now. If, like me, you've missed the previous versions of this game and were wondering if you should check out the new downloadable versions, the answer is yes. Yes, you should.

Simultaneously a faithful update of a classic shooter, a puzzle game and a rhythm game, Space Invaders Extreme is the best Xbox Live Arcade game I've played in a long time. Look for the full review soon.

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Categories: Reviews
Tags: Review, Space Invaders, XBLA

[Review] Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 9:47 AM Apr 04, 2009

When I first picked up Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure, I figured I'd rip through it quickly and have the review up in a few days. After all, it's a portable mashup of platforming action and puzzle games - how tough could it be? Then I started hearing a few grumbles about Hatsworth's difficulty. Still, I didn't believe. Seriously, it couldn't be that hard. Ah, overconfidence, we go back a long way, don't we? Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure is a charming, clever fusion of two beloved game genres, but don't make the mistake that I did. This is one hardcore game, one that quickly chew up and spit out those players unprepared for its challenge.

[DLC Review] Fallout 3: The Pitt

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 9:28 AM Mar 31, 2009

After being delayed a month and experiencing a rocky release, Fallout 3's second expansion has arrived. Like many Fallout 3 obsessives, I've had a chance to play through this latest expansion and am ready to share my thoughts. Since The Pitt is an expansion and not a full game, I won't be scoring it on our world-famous Blue Pig Ganon scale, for which Bethesda should be happy. While I love Fallout 3 and intend to purchase the final DLC package Broken Steel, The Pitt, like Operation Anchorage before it, is definitely a fans-only affair that's hard to recommend to more casual players.

[Review] Resident Evil 5

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 11:04 AM Mar 20, 2009

It's been a week since Resident Evil 5 launched, which has given me a nice chunk of time to chew on it like a nice hunk of human brain. There's a lot to consider when writing about a game like Resident Evil 5; it is simultaneously both a game and a topic. As a game, it's a solidly fun and engaging experience. As a topic, it's a bit of a difficult mess. Like the recent Watchmen movie, Resident Evil 5 is going to divide a lot of its audiences for reasons fair and unfair. Is it racist? Is it horror? Is it too action-y, is it not action-y enough? I don't claim to have the definitive answer to any of these questions, but am happy to share my take.

[Review] Killzone 2

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 1:47 PM Mar 09, 2009

I've spent a lot of time with Killzone 2 over the last couple weeks. Not only have I sunk a lot of time into the game itself, I've also spent a good deal of time writing about it, starting with the demo and a pair of early impressions (which you can read here and here). As such, there's not all that much left to say in my official review that I haven't already said. As a single-player experience, Killzone 2 is visually stunning but almost workmanlike in its gameplay. Multiplayer is a much more lively and creative affair, and easily the highlight of the title. I like to give readers an early glimpse at my overall feeling on a game if they're too busy to read a full review (stupid modern life, ruining our attention spans... oh well, time to check Twitter), and yes, Killzone 2 is good. Very good. Just shy of greatness though. If you're still with me, read on to learn why.

[Review] Halo Wars

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 9:07 AM Feb 25, 2009

By every measure, Halo Wars is a big game. It's the latest entry in Microsoft's flagship franchise, the last game by venerable developer Ensemble Studios, and a pioneering attempt to bring real-time strategy gameplay to consoles. And, of course, it centers around the massive conflict between the humans and Covenant that preceded the story of Halo 1 - 3. In short, there's a lot to discuss about Halo Wars. If you want the quick and dirty verdict, it's good - very good. But lots of games are good. Far fewer games are important. Halo Wars is one such game. Read on and I'll tell you why.

I Ruin Movies

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:54 AM Feb 19, 2009

A while back, I ran a review of Microsoft's Lips based on how it fared as a party game. It was a fun experiment and a refreshing way to evaluate a game targeting casual gamers. I decided that from then on, I'd review all such games in the same way. Of course, I don't play a ton of casual games, so these reviews are going to be few and far between. But recently, I decided to check out the second game in the Microsoft movie trivia series Scene It? To give Scene It? Box Office Smash the evaluation it deserved, I gathered up my wife and friends and got their take on the game.

As it turns out, Scene It" Box Office Smash is fun. However, apparently I am not.

Killin' It

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 3:50 PM Feb 12, 2009

In general, I'm not a big fan of demos. By the time a game demo is released, I typically know enough about a game to decide if I'm interested in it or not. When I do opt to check out a demo, it's often because I'm genuinely on the fence about a game, and playing a demo has convinced me not to buy the game more than once (I'm thinking about you here, Turok). But when I was offered a chance to check out the Killzone 2 demo, I definitely had to give it a try. In my mind, there's no bigger PlayStation 3 exclusive than Killzone 2. Even Metal Gear Solid 4 didn't generate as many years of hype or much-debated videos. So how was my first taste of this long-awaited blockbuster? Pretty good, but a bit short of greatness. Read on for more.

The Liberation of Anchorage

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:02 AM Jan 28, 2009

I've written a lot about Fallout 3, and I'm the first to admit I have an unhealthy obsession with the game. I've finished the game with Good Karma, and I'm nearly 17 hours into my second playthrough with Bad Karma. So when the first DLC Operation Anchorage was released on Xbox Live yesterday, there was no question what I'd be doing with my time. After a shockingly lengthy download (about an hour), I fired up Fallout 3 and proceeded to play all the way through the new content.

My thoughts are after the jump, and they may not be what you think.

[Review] My Wife Reviews Lips

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 11:37 AM Dec 08, 2008

Like many of you, I'm married to a non-gamer. Aside from the odd round of Mario Kart or classic Sonic the Hedgehog, the only games I've had any real success in getting my wife Yuki to play with me all involve singing. She's the reason I own multiple Karaoke Revolution games. Of course, none of them have been touched since Rock Band came out. I play guitar, she sings. Over the years, she's asked me many times when a game would come out that would allow her to sing along to her own songs. When Lips was announced, I told her about it right away, and figured it might be the perfect game for her. Once our copy arrived, there was no question: I couldn't review it alone. Only my non-gamer wife could help me with this one!

[Review]: Call of Duty: World At War

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 12:07 PM Dec 04, 2008

Comparisons between last years stellar Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare and this year's Call of Duty: World at War are inevitable. After all, World at War is based off the CoD4 engine, apes much of its campaign, and lifts the multiplayer component wholesale. Many Call of Duty purists decried World at War as nothing but CoD4 with a World War II skin, developed by the "bad" Call of Duty team. While the Treyarch-developed World at War doesn't quite reach the heights of Call of Duty creators Infinity Ward's CoD4, shooter buffs definitely shouldn't write off World at War as a mere pretender to the throne.

Gears of War 2 [Review]

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:47 AM Nov 25, 2008

Chances are that if you had any intention of playing Gears of War 2, you've already done so. But if you're a hardcore Gears fan who hasn't yet picked up the sequel due to some strange fluke like a coma or a stint in solitary confinement, you can stop reading now. If you loved Gears of War, you'll love Gears of War 2. However, if you were cool to the first game, Gears of War 2 probably won't change your mind.

[Review] Mirror's Edge

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:13 AM Nov 17, 2008

If you had told me a few years ago that Electronic Arts would be complimenting its catalog of sports games with original titles that ranged from survival horror to music to evolution simulator, I doubt I would have believed you. But EA has unquestionably become a company that's willing to take risks. I've enjoyed some of the titles produced by this new EA, while others haven't moved me quite as much. Which brings me to Mirror's Edge.

Mirror's Edge was designed with a noble goal in mind: to bring the parkour experience to video games in a first person perspective. You play as Faith, a "Runner" in a city controlled by a corrupt totalitarian regime. Runners facilitate the free flow of information between underground elements in the city, so they stick the the rooftops to avoid authorities as they dash from one contact to the next. Faith, of course, gets caught up in a conspiracy that drives the story forward and sends you bounding from roof to roof, dashing through construction sites and avoiding combat with the "Blues" (police) over the game's brief runtime.

Fallout 3 [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 2:49 AM Nov 08, 2008

Water, water, everywhere,
Nor any drop to drink.

I spent the entire time playing Fallout 3 expecting someone to quote “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”, but it never happened. Sure, it would’ve been a bit obvious, maybe even ham-handed, but it would’ve been apt nevertheless: when you spend the whole game drinking irradiated beverages and the main storyline involves the effort to give what’s left of the world a clean drinking water source… I mean come on, it just begs for a Coleridge quote.

Maybe the designers didn’t think to include it. Or maybe they imagined the world’s 18th-century poems were incinerated in the nuclear war that precedes the game’s events (indeed, the world is littered with half-burned, unreadable books). But I suspect it is in there somewhere, and I just haven’t found it yet… only because everything else seems to be.

Forty hours into Fallout 3 (most of it spent exploring – that’s my favorite part of these sorts of games: just picking a compass point and marching off into the wilderness to see what I find), I’ve still only seen a small part. The experience of Fallout 3 is closely linked to your temperament as a gamer, and how much you’ll enjoy it depends on your enthusiasm for non-linear, freeform adventuring. Focus purely on the main quest and you’ll blow through the game in less than 10 hours, scratching your head and wondering what the fuss is about; completists wanting to fill in every blank part of the map could easily burn a hundred hours on the endeavor.

It's not perfect, and not for everyone. But it's remarkable nonetheless.

Guitar Hero World Tour: Too Much, Too Fast, Too Disappointing [REVIEW]

Posted by Chris Ward at 3:53 PM Nov 01, 2008

Left: A visual representation of my thoughts on Rock Band 2. Right: a visual representation of my thoughts on Guitar Hero: World Tour.

Even though the game media is currently up Guitar Hero's ass with their collective Orange Button pinky, I'm not so sure the experience has lived up to the franchise name....Reasons to boo Guitar Hero offstage after the break!

[Review] LittleBigPlanet: Choose Your Own Adventure

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 10:09 AM Oct 28, 2008

There are some games that are especially hard to review. Explaining a mediocre game is tough, as is reviewing a game that blurs the line between "game" and "toy." LittleBigPlanet is one of those games that's challenging to write about, not because it's mediocre (it isn't) or because it veers between game and toy (although it does), but because what you get out of LittleBigPlanet is entirely dependent on what you put into it. LittleBigPlanet is a platforming adventure, a multiplayer romp, a robust construction toy and an online community all at once.

[Review]: Dead Space

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 9:51 AM Oct 24, 2008

If you had told me a few years ago that EA would one day launch a new sci-fi survival horror game, I doubt I would have believed you. If you’d told me that I would play that game and greatly enjoy it, I probably would have laughed in your face. I’ve never thought the software giant made bad games, I just thought it didn’t make games that I cared about. But, that’s been changing. EA has been broadening its library with original properties like Spore and the aforementioned sci-fi horror title, Dead Space.

Might as well be diggin' ditches [Fracture REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 6:15 PM Oct 21, 2008

You must be joking.

One of the oft-repeated historical curiosities about the Maya is that they conceived the wheel yet never found a practical application for it. Maya kids had wheeled toys and Maya calendars were imagined as wheels… yet when it came to hauling something, your average Maya just heaped his shit on a sledge and dragged it like a pack mule. Exciting and revolutionary possibilities were sitting right there in front of them and yet – for whatever reason – they went unexplored.

I found myself daydreaming about this when playing Fracture, a third-person shooter that arms players with the Entrencher: a sci-fi weapon that can either gouge pits into the earth or raise it up into mounds. (It seems the only way first- and third-person shooters can distinguish themselves anymore is by concocting some bizarre new weapon for the players’ arsenal.) The ability to reshape terrain on the fly is an attention-grabbing, fresh concept, and something that raises a player’s expectations – but it ends up superficially realized, scarcely used, and then buried under 40 tons of stale ideas for good measure. Like the Maya and the wheel: there was an interesting idea sitting there, but the developers never figured out anything to do with it.

Not quite the evolutionary leap promised [Spore REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 10:10 AM Sep 24, 2008

The marrow-gulping Weremoose, scourge of Canada’s darkest forests.

After years of development and nearly as many years of hype, Spore has arrived – an event made so big by the association of Will Wright (SimCity, The Sims) and EA’s impressive marketing efforts, even the non-gaming press was reporting it, happily parroting bits and pieces of press releases that – for any other game – would sound like drunken boasts. (For example, Katie Couric introducing Spore as “an evolution in video games”.)

For the record: Spore isn’t a “life-simulator”, and certainly doesn’t simulate evolution. Despite whatever Wright initially intended or EA’s marketing might have you believe, there’s little to Spore that’s any more “evolutionary” than creating a Mii with Nintendo’s Wii, modifying the paint and tires of a car in Forza 2, or making an exact replica of Kentucky Fried Chicken in The Sims; Spore is, in essence, a customization program, bundled with the software that lets you share your work. It’s an interesting product and impressive in its own rite, but not nearly as ambitious as touted – and most damningly, it doesn’t meet the high standard set by Wright’s previous efforts in terms of gameplay design, since so much of Spore feels borrowed from other games.

[Review] Star Wars: The Force Unleashed

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 8:59 AM Sep 15, 2008

When talking about a game that's part of a franchise like Star Wars, I think it's important to establish the relationship you have with said franchise. After all, you wouldn't expect someone who's never read one of the Harry Potter books to enjoy one of the video games, would you? When it comes to Star Wars, I'm part of a rare breed, belonging neither to the "I hate Star Wars because it's hip to do so" crowd, or the mouthbreathing "Everything Star Wars is automatically awesome because it's Star Wars" camp. Yes, I love the original trilogy. Yes, I hate the prequels. I've read some of the books, but I'm at the point where I have no idea who most of the action figures being released these days are. So what does this Star Wars-neutral reviewer think of Star Wars: The Force Unleashed? Use the Force to read beyond the jump to find out.

[Review]: Postal the Movie

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 1:54 PM Sep 12, 2008

Above is the opening scene from Uwe Boll's film adaptation of the game Postal. I watched this movie last night with some friends, and this sequence is far and away the best part of the movie.

That's right, we watched this last night.

September 11th.

I'm going to Hell.

As part of my penance, I present to you my review of the Postal DVD. Read on, if you dare!

Too Human’s long, troubled journey is finally at an end [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 5:52 PM Sep 10, 2008

"You should see the other guy!"

(This is the second Too Human review to appear on Joystick Division, the first penned by gentleman and scholar Anton Gordon, viewable HERE. This review was written for Game On.)

Well… I wish I could say I was surprised.

Too Human, simply put, pretty much blows – probably not a great shock to anyone who follows gaming with even a passing interest. For years now, everything seen and heard about the beleaguered title seemed to reinforce the vibe it was doomed to be gaming’s Waterworld: a would-be epic whose only achievement of scale is sheer mediocrity.

“What happened?” What didn’t? The lack of a clear concept caused the game’s development to stretch on years longer than any equivalent title, with a few complete overhauls along the way. An ugly legal dispute broke out between the developer and the company that provided the game’s software engine. The press – usually quick to view any new game on the horizon optimistically – decided to mix things up by slamming the game’s WIP build. And maybe most problematic: Denis Dyack vigorously counterattacked his game’s critics, picking fights with everyone from EGM to game forum NeoGAF in what amounted to the most ill-advised, Bizarro World-version of marketing a product has ever suffered.

Some of gaming’s greatest titles suffered difficult beginnings but pulled it out in the end. Too Human didn’t. Now, its story will be carved into cocktail party- and boardroom-sized chunks for use as parables about disastrous game projects for years to come.

[Review] Castle Crashers: One Man's Journey

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 7:07 PM Sep 09, 2008

I'm a hero. I've rescued the princesses, saved the kingdom, and rocked out harder than anyone has rocked out before. In other words, I've finished Castle Crashers. While a big part of the game is it's online co-op play, I made my way through the game solo. There have been reports of connection issues causing multiplayer problems for players, but I played the game alone mostly because I worked through it at odd hours, like early in the morning. Plus, I have no friends. Maybe if I didn't call everyone "jerkface" all the time. Anyway, read on for my epic review of the game's solo mode. Do it, jerkface!

[Review]: Too Human

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 1:03 PM Sep 02, 2008

Don't cross the streams!

Chances are, if you care enough about video games to be reading a gaming blog, you’ve heard all about Too Human. You’ve heard the tales of its epic, console-spanning development, heard the stories about the head of its developer starting online arguments about the title, and you’ve definitely heard the complaints about the game itself. Too Human has been called out by gamers and critics on every front: a flawed core combat mechanic, a twitchy camera, poor animations, hare-brained dialogue, and much, much more.

Every complaint you’ve heard about Too Human is true.

However, if you’re still interested in Too Human despite the mixed response, I would still advise you to check it out. Because while Too Human is swamped with problems, it does have its charms – they can just be hard to find from time to time.

Game-changer [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 11:29 AM Aug 26, 2008

Not settling for clever play, Braid reinvents how to tell a story too

(Note: This is my second review of Braid, written for the Game On column in papers and VVM sites across the country. I wrote it from scratch so it wouldn't be too redundant to readers who've already read the first one, which you can find here.)

In the 25 years or so I’ve been playing games, never once have I encountered an earnest conversation about what a game means. You see every other sort of discussion – people talking about how a game looks, or how it plays, how long or short or difficult or easy it is, or whether the writing or online elements are any good. But never, not even once, have I witnessed a discussion about how to interpret a game’s content, that sort of conversation usually reserved for books or films.

Then Braid came along and provoked that sort of discussion, and how we judge games has maybe – just maybe – been changed forever.

Order Up! orders up FUN! Wait...please Jesus, don't use that as the headline. [REVIEW]

Posted by Chris Ward at 4:28 PM Aug 18, 2008

Included in game: Free paper hat!

Here's my latest Game On! review, Joystick Division's long-running more palatable, mainstreamy and more sophisticated (read: 30% less dick jokes!) review column from the Village Voice chain of papers. You can find them all at villagevoicemedia.com, or even the way-easier-to-type-but-no-longer-officially-sanctioned newtimes.com So, yes, I know hardcore gamers know what shovel-ware is: this review's for the wonderful average joes who pick up our paper at a bus stop. Jump for the complete sizzle/racial insensitivity!

Lightsabers and tits don’t quite hide Soul Calibur IV’s lack of ideas [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 4:49 PM Aug 15, 2008

Not pictured: jiggling. Much magnificent jiggling indeed.

You hear the same words used over and over to describe Soul Calibur IV, words like forced. Jarring. Anachronistic. But to me, the word that describes shoehorning Darth Vader and Yoda into a game about sentient swords, Renaissance-era combat, and plucky female martial artists is simply desperate.

That’s not even mentioning the game’s T&A, which Namco cranked to Spinal Tap’s proverbial 11 (not mentioning it yet, anyway… I’ll save that one for last). The point is: something about so much of the content stuffed into SCIV makes you think they’re just not sure what else to do with their once-upon-a-time-briefly-great fighting series, so – for lack of vision – they’re just sitting in the board room, passing the bong and scribbling down ideas between mouthfuls of Thin Mints. Meeting minutes:

Ideas for SC4
1. Huge cans
2. Lightsabers
3. Huger cans
(adjourned for day)

Braid [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 7:04 PM Aug 08, 2008

Playing Braid the past couple days, I did what I normally do when prepping a review, a process I describe to my girlfriend as “composting”: I mull over observations about a game for a few days until the mysterious Darwinian system that exists in my brain weeds out the weak ideas and leaves me with something worth saying. Or something I really want to say, anyway.

Up until last evening, I expected it’d probably be about Braid’s gameplay, which – sorry for the unintended pun – is as precise and intricately designed as a Swiss watch. I also thought about allowing myself a self-indulgent rant on the lesser elements of the gaming community – the “not worth it” brigade – who’ve labeled the $15 game “too expensive”… yet undoubtedly find a way to scrape together $60 several times a year for the annual sports roster updates from EA or yet another offensively unimaginative first-person shooter because it has “good deathmatch”.

But then I finished the game, and now all I want to talk about is its ending.

I won’t, of course, since it’s something – like the ending of an M. Night Shyamalan film – that shouldn’t be spoiled; something that’s only properly experienced as a blindside. If you love well-designed gameplay, if you’re a nut for puzzles, and you’re interested in the potential of games as a storytelling medium, do yourself a favor: just go buy it. And then swear off the Internet until you’ve finished the game all on your own without help. Trust me on this.

Geometry Wars Retro Evolved 2: I Hate Squares

Posted by J. Matthew Zoss at 11:45 AM Aug 07, 2008

[Intro: Hi, I'm Anton, new guy around here at Joystick Division. Like all JD writers, I'm an international playboy/super-spy/war hero/general man of mystery. I'm writing this post atop my solid gold throne in my ocean liner currently cruising the Aegean Sea. So yeah, I'm pretty much a normal guy.]

Microsoft has kicked off its summer program of high profile, and it's off to one hell of a start. This week brings us fancy-pants art game Braid, while last week got things rolling with the sequel to Xbox Live Arcade's first smash hit title, Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved. The original was a fairly simple game at its core, - basically, it's Asteroids with funky neon graphics and a Robotron-style dual analog control scheme. At first, I was a bit skeptical about a sequel, assuming that any changes or additions to the formula would dilute it or feel tacked on. Boy, was I wrong. Comeback of Zubaz wrong. More after the jump.

Viva La (Civilization) Revolución [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 3:13 PM Jul 31, 2008

I am so into your culture.

Gandhi is threatening to invade my country if I don’t share the secrets of gunpowder with him.

Consulting with my advisors, I’m told his army is no threat, their technology far behind mine. But I don’t believe the bloodthirsty generals whispering in my ear: the Indian’s army has marched right to the edge of my capital for maximum bargaining leverage, outnumbering mine a grim 6 to 1.

I begrudgingly hand over the recipe.

The formerly raging little wise man’s face softens. He thanks me casually as if we weren’t just on the brink of war, and then leads his army back to India like nothing ever happened.

He may think it’s over, but I won’t forgive or forget this humiliation so easily. I begin building what will ultimately be a fleet of tanks destined to roll on New Delhi sometime in the next decade. The voters won’t go for it of course, so I’ll just take a page from Emperor Palpatine and dissolve the Senate before seeking my revenge - a bunch of politicians aren’t going to get in the way of making the Mahatma kneel at my feet.

No question: aside from the bizarre, quasi-historical spectacles you encounter in Civilization Revolution (President Genghis Khan christens his first battleship?), you sometimes get a glimpse of new, ugly sides of yourself, too. And it’s damn fun.

Battlefield: Bad Company, a game I totally played [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 11:30 AM Jul 17, 2008

Bad Company has destructible cover… kinda like Space Invaders!

This is my review of Battlefield: Bad Company. Battlefield: Bad Company is a game published by Electronic Arts for the Sony PlayStation 3 and Microsoft’s Xbox 360. Battlefield: Bad Company is also a first-person shooter. That means: in Battlefield: Bad Company you shoot, and the shooting is performed from a first-person perspective.

(Okay, let’s see here: tools, word count… 52. Dammit.)

Umm… let’s see, what else to say about Battlefield: Bad Company. Well, the back of the package brags the game “brings the battlefield to life with spectacular visual effects.” That sounds awesome. The screenshots on this box do indeed look pretty good.

(Tools… Word Count… 94? Balls.)

Party Game: How does Rock Band for Wii stack up?

Posted by Jeff Shaw at 4:18 AM Jul 17, 2008

When I proposed a series "how to liven up your gaming parties" posts, Jonathan McNamara's first answer was "Buy a Wii." This was divergent from my answer ("Buy a host of bizarre and potent liquors"). But we decided to combine the two strategies anyway.

Before the release of Rock Band for Wii, we planned an epic online confrontation between the geographically disparate members of the Joystick Division staff. This was overtaken by two events: first, it turned out that the game doesn't support online play, which is brutal; second, Chris Ward's copy of the game was eaten by crazed weasels.

Yet in crisis there is opportunity. While we reconstructed Ward's copy using state-of-the-art nanotechnology, I invited a host of people over -- specifically, casual gamers who had never played Rock band on any console before -- with the intention of answering a different question. Is this the kind of Friday night game your non-gamer friends are going to enjoy when you stock the liquor cabinet with absinthe, pack the fridge with barley wine and fill the bathtub with Mystery Punch?

Alone in the Dark: Not as Scary as Axe Body Wash

Posted by Chris Ward at 12:13 PM Jul 03, 2008

Shown: A blackface Al Jolson mannequin calmly breaking down a door in the midst of a raging inferno.

Alone in the Dark
Developer: Atari / ESRB Rating: MS [Mature Shit-Sandwich] / Price: Too Fucking Much. Buy lunch meat instead.

Upon playing Atari’s new horror/puzzle game “Alone in the Dark”—the newest and most hyped in the increasingly limp franchise—you’ll immediately realize there are more terrifying experiences out there than this astonishing failure. Here are three...

Chrono Trigger: The Hands of Time Move Once More

Posted by Jonathan McNamara at 3:16 AM Jul 03, 2008

You can review a game, you can hype a game, but there exists but one true test to determine a game's worth: How much hype does its re-release get?

Chrono Trigger was initially released for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System in August of 1995. That's over 13 years ago. In fact, that's three generations of Nintendo console systems ago. When Chrono Trigger was initially released, Square-Enix was still Square Soft and nobody even knew that Chrono Trigger character designer Akira Toriyama's bigger claim to fame was that he created Dragon Ball.

Idle Gears, Hands: Metal Gear Solid 4 REVIEW

Posted by Gary Hodges at 12:45 PM Jul 02, 2008

In this game, a vampire and a ninja fight. You get to watch.

How much of an experience has to be interactive for it to actually be a game, and not a movie?

I’m not being snide; it’s a legitimate question. If an experience is mostly passive, isn’t it a movie with elements of gameplay, not vice versa? Or is there some sort of "one drop rule" with entertainment where even the tiniest bit of interactive content makes an entire work a game?

Or maybe you’re not absolutist about it and simply see it as both: the interactive parts as Game and the non-interactive parts as Cinema. But if that’s the case, how does one evaluate such entertainment? Two review scores, one for each aspect? Or one score that represents the title’s overall entertainment value?

If there’s one thing both critics and fans can agree on, it’s that Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots is good at raising these sorts of questions.

Bloody Good (But Not Great): Ninja Gaiden II REVIEW

Posted by Gary Hodges at 2:04 PM Jun 19, 2008

Ryu doing what he does best: flipping out and killing people.

Ninja Gaiden II
Developer: Team Ninja / ESRB Rating: M / Price: $59.99

Game On wasn’t around to review Ninja Gaiden when it hit the original Xbox in 2004, but it’s probably for the best – I probably would’ve written “An awesome, brutal, majestic action masterpiece” and then filled the rest of the space with crude crayon drawings of ninjas because really, there’d be nothing else to say.

It’s easier to spend a column talking about Ninja Gaiden II, which, in some ways, isn’t a good sign. The original set the bar so high, it’s not just the competition that now falls short; now the game’s own sequel suffers in comparison. It’s certainly not bad, not by a long shot: it’s just as intense, fast, flashy and challenging as fans would hope. But the lack of polish – coupled with an equally disappointing lack of ambition – makes the final product not quite as laudable as its predecessor.

Blast Works: Sleeper Hit of the Year?

Posted by Chris Ward at 5:36 AM Jun 18, 2008

I've been spending a fair amount of time with a game that landed on my doorstep last week, which will run at the villagevoicemedia.com websites next week. It most reminds me of my days playing Art Alive! on the Sega Genesis.

What kid wouldn't want to drop $50 bucks on this shit? Just look at it! You can draw cats from scratch! You bet your ass I bought this game.

Art Alive! was the retarded brother of Mario Paint: imagine using Microsoft Paint to create things from scratch, except you ge to use a Genesis pad instead of a mouse. And, ok, maybe this game didn't have an exclamation point in the title, but that's sure how I remember it. If you were a kid whose creativity just edged out his impatience (and I was), you may have spent hours with that thing. That's what I'm hoping kids will enjoy about my favorite little game-that-could this week...

Blast Works
Developer: Majesco / ESRB Rating: E / Price: $39.99
“User generated content” usually means one of two things: you’re about to see an irritating Super Bowl commercial made by 16-year-olds, or another dramatic chipmunk.

Still, people love this stuff, so it’s no surprise video game developers are catering to the YouTube generation with “Blast Works: Build, Trade, Destroy”—a phenomenal little shooter-title where you can actually develop a game from scratch, and share your creations with others online. Want to create a laser-toting Cock-Rocket and shoot evil, robot dolphins out of the sky? Hey, if you build it, they will come—no matter how juvenile your ideas get.

GRID: Candy-Flake Paint on a Shot-to-Shit Chassis [REVIEW]

Posted by Nate Patrin at 7:01 AM Jun 09, 2008

The sun gleams radiantly off each inch of tarmac my tires chew up, and through the dirt and debris-specked windshield of my race-spec Nissan 350Z touring car I spot the next turn, a tight right-to-left chicane that this immaculately-tuned automobile is primed to slink through like water through a stream. My crew chief addresses me by name over my headset, assuring me that if I keep this up, the first-place position I'm currently in is guaranteed to remain mine. It is at this very moment that everything comes into perfect focus: each spectacularly-rendered building lining the street; the warm, glowing high-noon light; every last detail of every single trackside advertisement and spectator and barricade that my car is about to fly past. I am completely absorbed in this luxuriously-rendered world, and for this one moment everything feels great.

Then my car inexplicably loses grip in the middle of the turn, I oversteer in an attempt to correct it, ricochet off a wall, get plowed into by the second (then third, then fourth, then fifth) place driver, wind up backwards, and helplessly spin around doing donuts as my over-amped throttle and feeble traction conspire against getting me going forward again.

Then I give my television set the finger.

If a hardcore game falls on the Wii but nobody's around to play it, does it cramp a finger? [Castle of Shikigami III REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 9:31 PM Jun 05, 2008

Protip: Everything you see here is moving and can kill you… Good luck!

John Edwards might see Two Americas, but as a simpleminded little game enthusiast I’m more preoccupied with America’s Two Wii Owners. One is the Nintendo fan, the same cat that bought a GameCube, the Nintendo 64, every incarnation of the Gameboy – in short, the gamer who buys any console Nintendo releases and sports a Mario or Zelda title. The other Wii owner is the so-called “casual” or “non-gamer”: the fad-chaser, the dabbler; girlfriends, grandparents and soccer moms who snatched a Wii because of the novelty, and only really use it to play Wii Sports, Wii Play, and Wii Fit. They’re most Wii owners, the “Wiijority”.

I know Castle of Shikigami III is not for the Wiijority; unfortunately I’m not sure it’s for the Nintendo fans either. The Wii just isn’t the right home for it, thus it seems destined to vanish from store shelves and not in the good way.

It’s a shame, because it’s actually a fun little game.

Super Cardio Bros. [Wii Fit REVIEW]

Posted by Chris Ward at 8:57 AM May 31, 2008

Ok, ok...so I realize this blog comes hot on the heels of Gary Hodges exclusive, hilarious interview with the guy who exploited his incredibly hot girlfriend for internet fame , and his unbelievable 5 Uses for the Wii Fit Board When You Quit Using it for Exercise,
but it's time to review Wii Fit! So check it out, ya'll.

Wii Fit
Developer: Nintendo / ESRB Rating: E / Price: $89.99

Somebody forgot to tell Nintendo that “strenuous indoor exercise” doesn’t top anyone’s summer fun list.

Regardless, poor suckers are lining up in droves to snatch up Wii Fit, an exhausting personal trainer disguised as a fun video game. Me? I’ll be kicking back with Mario Kart Wii and eating Taquitos all summer. Why kid myself? Yes, there’s no denying Wii Fit and its Balance Board peripheral is an amazing new toy (think of it as an electronic yoga mat that senses the slightest directional movement you make, and even knows your true weight), but if the phrase “squat thrust” gave you nightmares before, Wii Fit’s not gonna change that. Those folks should keep their money for Pabst, pizza and more Pabst, lest they get sucked up in the Wii Fit hype and end up with a $90 Wii Doorstop 3 months later.

Mama Said There'd Be Games Like This: Haze [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 12:20 AM May 25, 2008

Haze charges to the PS3 exclusively... another key piece of evidence that PS3 owners burned down a puppy mill in a past life. Then ate the charred puppy carcasses. In front of the puppies' whimpering mama dog. Then made racist jokes.

For as long as I can remember, game magazines have (somewhat inexplicably) printed letters from readers who just want to remind the staff that they have a pretty awesome job, and they're lucky to have it.

The response is always the same: “It might seem like a great job, but keep in mind some of these games are really shitty.” They point out that when you play a bad game, you’re allowed to shut it off after 15 minutes and then go register your discontent on the Internet (or kick your dog or beat your wife – whatever it is you do). Reviewers, on the other hand, have to stick with it, regardless of how offensive, boring, or just fucking terrible it is, all the way through. “It’s not all sunshine and roses!” they remind.

I’ll give you the straight poop: They’re lying. The job is awesome, we are lucky, and those who try and diminish that fact are either full of shit or spoiled, spoiled, spoiled (a single ‘spoiled’ simply wouldn’t suffice) out-of-touch little man children. One job I had involved spending a summer day in the Arizona desert (100° by 9am) shoveling apart a Volkswagen-sized packrat’s nest, the football-sized vermin brushing between my legs as they fled the demolition and thick yellow clouds of dust that might as well have formed the words “Hanta Virus” like a cartoon – that’s a “not all sunshine and roses” job; reviewing videogames… well, I roll my eyes when it's described as a job at all, much less a “sometimes bad” one.

But games like Haze definitely challenge my beliefs.

Microtransaction Microreview: Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD

Posted by Gary Hodges at 9:15 PM May 22, 2008

I have to say, I'm surprised and reassured by the mainstream gaming press' (relative) maturity in reviewing Penny Arcade Adventures; I had even money that half of these outfits would be lunging at the chance to lace into the game in some gesture of petty revenge for years and years of rough treatment at the hands of Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik.

On the other hand: would any outlet really want to really tear this game apart? Would anyone really have the will to flip off not just Penny Arcade’s millions of fans, but Holikins and Krahulik themselves? Only an idiot invites that sort of attention. It’d be like announcing to the world at large – which includes the IRS – that I wrote off a $5000 high-def TV last year with the flimsy justification that I play games on it.

(Which, um, I did not. No really, I would never do anything like that – why would I deny my glorious nation their tribute? I’m fine with my tax dollars going to, you know, all the great things it does... like illegal wars and no-bid contracts and stuff. What? No, there was no “tone”. A face? I didn’t think I was making a face, it was probably just a tic or something. Look: it just came out wrong, let’s just forget about the whole thing. Oh Jesus, I’ve said too much, haven’t I?)

Well unfortunately for vengeful professional malcontents who've been the target of Penny Arcade's wit - and fortunately for those who would be too goddamned afraid to pan the game - Penny Arcade Adventures’ first episode is pretty good. Crisis averted.

Microtransaction Microreviews: Defend Your Castle and LostWinds

Posted by Gary Hodges at 2:33 AM May 15, 2008

Despite Corky Thacher’s compelling concept art, New Line Cinema ultimately went with Peter Jackson to direct the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Sooner or later – maybe in 5 years, maybe in 10, but inevitably all the same – most the games we buy will be downloaded. We can whine about not having boxes to hold or manuals to smell (I can’t be the only one) or an actual physical backup for when the console dies on us, but it won’t make any difference – it didn’t with iTunes. Might as well resign ourselves now, and start treating downloadable games like we do any other – which includes reviewing them.

But I’m going to remind these little, non-physical games of their place by giving them little, non-physical reviews: a few paragraphs apiece, Joystick Division exclusive (i.e., no hard copies), and with a whimsical rating system. Take that! downloadable games, for denying me the sweet, sweet bouquet of a freshly minted game manual!

This time I’ll be covering Defend Your Castle and LostWinds, the first two titles I downloaded off Nintendo’s new XBLA/PSN equivalent "WiiWare"... and which brings me to a little preamble.

Same Ol' M.O.: GTA4 is GTA, for better or worse [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 6:41 PM May 13, 2008

In Soviet Russia, trunks stuff bodies in you!... eh, that one doesn’t really work, does it?

Reviewer's note: This is my unabridged review. The standard 600-word variety is available at any Village Voice Media site.

If you read a review the way I do, you’ve already skipped down and read the score, and now you’re back up here to see what the hell my problem is.

All I can say is: Peace, brother. Grand Theft Auto IV is a fine game, with tons of content and all the great moments you’ve come to expect from the series, from high-speed freeway chases against traffic to the hookers that come with a GTA-patented, baseball-bat-assisted money-back guarantee. The story is engaging, the city meticulously detailed and massive, and the game’s lead – Slavic heavy Niko Bellic – not only has a sort of nihilistic charm, he finally solves the riddle of what Boris Badenov would sound like getting a blowjob.

Never has an 8 looked so low as when applied to this, the crown prince of modern gaming and the biggest release of 2008 (if not this entire console generation). But by the same token, never has a 10 out of 10 looked so high – and so inordinately generous – as when applied to the flawed Grand Theft Auto IV.

Public Relations Nightmares #1: Toy Shop

Posted by Chris Ward at 4:11 PM May 04, 2008

As video game reviewer guys, a ton of free games show up on our doorsteps from Public Relations firms hoping we'll review them all, complete with typically awful and hyperbolic press release. With only 52 print reviews allotted per year in the Village Voice, a lot of shit doesn't get reviewed by Gary and I. And I do mean shit...with a wealth of games to consider for review, some games don't even get the shrink wrapping taken off. Some games my cats chew on. Some games get given away to people we dislike immensely.

In this edition of PR Nightmares, we review an unopened copy of...

TOY SHOP

Less Is Less: A tantalizing -- and overpriced -- glimpse of the next Gran Turismo [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 8:32 PM Apr 30, 2008

Inside the car: The only way to drive.

When the first trailer for Star Wars: Episode I hit theaters, hardcore SW fans bought tickets for the movie it was in front of, watched the trailer, and then walked out – essentially paying full price for a fraction of a final product. (Even more hardcore, the movie they had to buy tickets for was Meet Joe Black.)

Superfans are willing to do that sort of thing – heck, I did it – but most recognize it’s not a very good deal. Similarly, diehard racing fans will be happy for a glimpse of what’s to come with Gran Turismo 5: Prologue, but as for the majority of gamers… well, they’ll see it’s just buying a slice for the price of a whole pie.

Baroquen Spirit: Atlus imagines eternity in gaming limbo, and it ain't pretty [REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 1:13 AM Apr 23, 2008

"Oh, and you were 'Girlfriend of the Year'?"

First of all: God bless Atlus. As a publisher devoted to bringing obscure little Japanese gaming gems to the West and the much-needed heir apparent of Working Designs, Atlus is pretty much the only hope for gamers who crave oddball, strange, or downright niche titles from the Land of the Rising Sun.

(In fact, one of the greatest releases they've made so far hit shelves just yesterday: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 FES, a sort of director's cut of one of the best Japanese-style RPGs to come to the PS2, well, ever. If you like the genre at all, you want this game.)

Really, Atlus is the closest thing we have to an underground label in gaming, something we so desperately need… which is why I’m not going to totally crucify them for Baroque.

Counterpoint: House of the Dead 2 & 3 [RE-REVIEW]

Posted by Gary Hodges at 3:10 PM Apr 20, 2008

Like the rest of Western Civilization, I quiver in anticipation of the weekly Game On review – even the half that aren’t mine. I'm always eager to see Chris Ward’s thoughts on whatever game happened to cross his desk (or milk crate or papier-mâché Pac-Man nightstand or ottoman fashioned out of dead hookers or whatever his decor situation is).

But when I saw the score he gave House of the Dead 2 & 3 – a 5 out of 10 – I must say, I had some concerns. Because when reviewing certain games – especially games like HotD that, frankly, aren’t very fun – you have to go the extra mile and ask: “Did I really do everything I could to MAKE this game fun?”

Did you, Ward? Because – for example – I see no evidence you played the game with two Zappers at once, John Woo-style. To me, this would be one way to make an un-fun game slightly more fun. Or at least slightly less un-fun.

Remember that scene in Boiler Room where Ben Affleck’s character is telling all his little toadies to “Act As If”? Well maybe if we Act As If a game is a fucking riot to play, it will become fun to play. Maybe we can fool ourselves – how hard can it be? Final Fantasy fans have been doing it for 10 years!

So my question to you, Ward, is: did you immerse yourself in HotD? Because I immersed myself. And since reviewing games is a highly scientific process, I’ve made a step-by-step guide for Ward or anyone else to get the same results.

House of the Dead 2 & 3: zombies decomposing, or just the Wii's appeal? [REVIEW]

Posted by Chris Ward at 5:15 PM Apr 19, 2008

Matching flesh wounds: kind of disturbing. 6" bellybuttons: very disturbing.

If you don’t remember a game called The Typing of the Dead, you’re not alone.

Released on the failed Sega Dreamcast system, this gory, hilariously titled arcade-style shooter was in many ways exactly like its popular counterpart, The House of the Dead. But instead of aiming a gun at the screen, players fired by typing non sequiturs -- “Smeg Head,” “Potato Man,” etc. -- on the keyboard. When typed quickly and accurately, the corresponding letters blasted bloodthirsty corpses with a kind of Alphabet Ammunition not seen since Bert and Ernie went 187 on a motherfuckin’ cop.

Scribble Jam: Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword is Kinda Sketchy (REVIEW)

Posted by Nate Patrin at 12:56 PM Apr 17, 2008

On the list of things that aren't as cool as the internet thinks they are -- 300, Dragonforce, anti-gay slurs -- ninjas have to be somewhere near the top. Granted, I'm saying this as a movie geek: samurai have Toshiro Mifune, Shaolin monks have Jet Li, karate masters have Sonny Chiba, and ninjas have... a whole bunch of Golan-Globus garbage starring Sho Kosugi and/or some random dopey American. What you've got left are things like Naruto, that funny-once Real Ultimate Power website and a few webcomics like White Ninja and Dr. McNinja that, while reliably funny, are more goofy than badass. (DISCLAIMER: I don't give a shit about pirates, either. Zombies I can take or leave.) There's only one media where I've really found ninjas to be as awesome as everyone says they are, and that's video games.

Viking: Battle for Asgard Just Shy of Seaworthy (REVIEW)

Posted by Gary Hodges at 10:33 AM Apr 10, 2008

What? No helmets with horns? ZERO OUT OF TEN!

It’s nice when a game comes along that pleasantly surprises you. I admit, I judged Viking: Battle for Asgard by the screenshots, writing it off as yet another one of those grimy, violent games so plentiful that they’re almost their own category: the “Bloodletting in Brown Clothes on a Cloudy Day” genre.

Game On: Guinness writes the book on gaming, but doesn't shatter any records.

Posted by Jeff Shaw at 7:11 AM Apr 02, 2008

By Chris Ward

As a kid, I spent countless hours thumbing through a dog-eared copy of The Guinness Book of World Records, determined to find just the right stupid human trick to vault me into freak-show history.

Turns out I didn't need to waste all those years stretching my neck with metal rings; I could have just popped in The Legend of Zelda and beaten it in under 30 minutes.

Game Review: Let's Get Smashed

Posted by Jonathan McNamara at 6:05 AM Apr 01, 2008

If you’re the kind of person who pays any attention at all to video games and you’re reading this it means that something is physically preventing you from actually playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl right now and you're trying to get your fix any way you can.

Yeah, it’s that good.

But don’t take my word for it. Listen to the million gamers in Japan who purchased it. Listen to the 2500 GameStops with their midnight launches tied to “the biggest video game tournament ever.” Listen to the facts: You can make Mario punch Sonic the Hedgehog in the face while Solid Snake fires missiles at Donkey Kong.

But enough blatant praise, let’s delve into the reasons why Brawl deserves the top spot in your list of gaming priorities.

Graphically, Brawl is the best-looking game on Wii hands down. Nintendo accomplished this partially by utilizing a dual-layered disc capable of storing more memory but the environments, characters and even the items are incredibly detailed. If you look close enough you can see the stitching on Mario’s overalls.

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