Posted by Gary Hodges at 11:30 AM Jul 17, 2008
Bad Company has destructible cover… kinda like Space Invaders!
This is my review of Battlefield: Bad Company. Battlefield: Bad Company is a game published by Electronic Arts for the Sony PlayStation 3 and Microsoft’s Xbox 360. Battlefield: Bad Company is also a first-person shooter. That means: in Battlefield: Bad Company you shoot, and the shooting is performed from a first-person perspective.
(Okay, let’s see here: tools, word count… 52. Dammit.)
Umm… let’s see, what else to say about Battlefield: Bad Company. Well, the back of the package brags the game “brings the battlefield to life with spectacular visual effects.” That sounds awesome. The screenshots on this box do indeed look pretty good.
(Tools… Word Count… 94? Balls.)
Read more "Battlefield: Bad..." >>
Posted by Jeff Shaw at 4:18 AM Jul 17, 2008
When I proposed a series "how to liven up your gaming parties" posts, Jonathan McNamara's first answer was "Buy a Wii." This was divergent from my answer ("Buy a host of bizarre and potent liquors"). But we decided to combine the two strategies anyway.
Before the release of Rock Band for Wii, we planned an epic online confrontation between the geographically disparate members of the Joystick Division staff. This was overtaken by two events: first, it turned out that the game doesn't support online play, which is brutal; second, Chris Ward's copy of the game was eaten by crazed weasels.
Yet in crisis there is opportunity. While we reconstructed Ward's copy using state-of-the-art nanotechnology, I invited a host of people over -- specifically, casual gamers who had never played Rock band on any console before -- with the intention of answering a different question. Is this the kind of Friday night game your non-gamer friends are going to enjoy when you stock the liquor cabinet with absinthe, pack the fridge with barley wine and fill the bathtub with Mystery Punch?
Read more "Party Game: How..." >>
Posted by Chris Ward at 12:13 PM Jul 03, 2008
Shown: A blackface Al Jolson mannequin calmly breaking down a door in the midst of a raging inferno.
Alone in the Dark
Developer: Atari / ESRB Rating: MS [Mature Shit-Sandwich] / Price: Too Fucking Much. Buy lunch meat instead.
Upon playing Atari’s new horror/puzzle game “Alone in the Dark”—the newest and most hyped in the increasingly limp franchise—you’ll immediately realize there are more terrifying experiences out there than this astonishing failure. Here are three...
Read more "Alone in the Dark:..." >>
Posted by Jonathan McNamara at 3:16 AM Jul 03, 2008
You can review a game, you can hype a game, but there exists but one true test to determine a game's worth: How much hype does its re-release get?
Chrono Trigger was initially released for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System in August of 1995. That's over 13 years ago. In fact, that's three generations of Nintendo console systems ago. When Chrono Trigger was initially released, Square-Enix was still Square Soft and nobody even knew that Chrono Trigger character designer Akira Toriyama's bigger claim to fame was that he created Dragon Ball.
Read more "Chrono Trigger:..." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 12:45 PM Jul 02, 2008
In this game, a vampire and a ninja fight. You get to watch.
How much of an experience has to be interactive for it to actually be a game, and not a movie?
I’m not being snide; it’s a legitimate question. If an experience is mostly passive, isn’t it a movie with elements of gameplay, not vice versa? Or is there some sort of "one drop rule" with entertainment where even the tiniest bit of interactive content makes an entire work a game?
Or maybe you’re not absolutist about it and simply see it as both: the interactive parts as Game and the non-interactive parts as Cinema. But if that’s the case, how does one evaluate such entertainment? Two review scores, one for each aspect? Or one score that represents the title’s overall entertainment value?
If there’s one thing both critics and fans can agree on, it’s that Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots is good at raising these sorts of questions.
Read more "Idle Gears, Hands:..." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 2:04 PM Jun 19, 2008
Ryu doing what he does best: flipping out and killing people.
Ninja Gaiden II
Developer: Team Ninja / ESRB Rating: M / Price: $59.99
Game On wasn’t around to review Ninja Gaiden when it hit the original Xbox in 2004, but it’s probably for the best – I probably would’ve written “An awesome, brutal, majestic action masterpiece” and then filled the rest of the space with crude crayon drawings of ninjas because really, there’d be nothing else to say.
It’s easier to spend a column talking about Ninja Gaiden II, which, in some ways, isn’t a good sign. The original set the bar so high, it’s not just the competition that now falls short; now the game’s own sequel suffers in comparison. It’s certainly not bad, not by a long shot: it’s just as intense, fast, flashy and challenging as fans would hope. But the lack of polish – coupled with an equally disappointing lack of ambition – makes the final product not quite as laudable as its predecessor.
Read more "Bloody Good (But..." >>
Posted by Chris Ward at 5:36 AM Jun 18, 2008
I've been spending a fair amount of time with a game that landed on my doorstep last week, which will run at the villagevoicemedia.com websites next week. It most reminds me of my days playing Art Alive! on the Sega Genesis.
What kid wouldn't want to drop $50 bucks on this shit? Just look at it! You can draw cats from scratch! You bet your ass I bought this game.
Art Alive! was the retarded brother of Mario Paint: imagine using Microsoft Paint to create things from scratch, except you ge to use a Genesis pad instead of a mouse. And, ok, maybe this game didn't have an exclamation point in the title, but that's sure how I remember it. If you were a kid whose creativity just edged out his impatience (and I was), you may have spent hours with that thing. That's what I'm hoping kids will enjoy about my favorite little game-that-could this week...
Blast Works
Developer: Majesco / ESRB Rating: E / Price: $39.99
“User generated content” usually means one of two things: you’re about to see an irritating Super Bowl commercial made by 16-year-olds, or another dramatic chipmunk.
Still, people love this stuff, so it’s no surprise video game developers are catering to the YouTube generation with “Blast Works: Build, Trade, Destroy”—a phenomenal little shooter-title where you can actually develop a game from scratch, and share your creations with others online. Want to create a laser-toting Cock-Rocket and shoot evil, robot dolphins out of the sky? Hey, if you build it, they will come—no matter how juvenile your ideas get.
Read more "Blast Works: Sleeper..." >>
Posted by Nate Patrin at 7:01 AM Jun 09, 2008
The sun gleams radiantly off each inch of tarmac my tires chew up, and through the dirt and debris-specked windshield of my race-spec Nissan 350Z touring car I spot the next turn, a tight right-to-left chicane that this immaculately-tuned automobile is primed to slink through like water through a stream. My crew chief addresses me by name over my headset, assuring me that if I keep this up, the first-place position I'm currently in is guaranteed to remain mine. It is at this very moment that everything comes into perfect focus: each spectacularly-rendered building lining the street; the warm, glowing high-noon light; every last detail of every single trackside advertisement and spectator and barricade that my car is about to fly past. I am completely absorbed in this luxuriously-rendered world, and for this one moment everything feels great.
Then my car inexplicably loses grip in the middle of the turn, I oversteer in an attempt to correct it, ricochet off a wall, get plowed into by the second (then third, then fourth, then fifth) place driver, wind up backwards, and helplessly spin around doing donuts as my over-amped throttle and feeble traction conspire against getting me going forward again.
Then I give my television set the finger.
Read more "GRID: Candy-Flake..." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 9:31 PM Jun 05, 2008
Protip: Everything you see here is moving and can kill you… Good luck!
John Edwards might see Two Americas, but as a simpleminded little game enthusiast I’m more preoccupied with America’s Two Wii Owners. One is the Nintendo fan, the same cat that bought a GameCube, the Nintendo 64, every incarnation of the Gameboy – in short, the gamer who buys any console Nintendo releases and sports a Mario or Zelda title. The other Wii owner is the so-called “casual” or “non-gamer”: the fad-chaser, the dabbler; girlfriends, grandparents and soccer moms who snatched a Wii because of the novelty, and only really use it to play Wii Sports, Wii Play, and Wii Fit. They’re most Wii owners, the “Wiijority”.
I know Castle of Shikigami III is not for the Wiijority; unfortunately I’m not sure it’s for the Nintendo fans either. The Wii just isn’t the right home for it, thus it seems destined to vanish from store shelves and not in the good way.
It’s a shame, because it’s actually a fun little game.
Read more "If a hardcore game..." >>
Posted by Chris Ward at 8:57 AM May 31, 2008
Ok, ok...so I realize this blog comes hot on the heels of Gary Hodges exclusive, hilarious interview with the guy who exploited his incredibly hot girlfriend for internet fame , and his unbelievable 5 Uses for the Wii Fit Board When You Quit Using it for Exercise,
but it's time to review Wii Fit! So check it out, ya'll.
Wii Fit
Developer: Nintendo / ESRB Rating: E / Price: $89.99Somebody forgot to tell Nintendo that “strenuous indoor exercise” doesn’t top anyone’s summer fun list.
Regardless, poor suckers are lining up in droves to snatch up Wii Fit, an exhausting personal trainer disguised as a fun video game. Me? I’ll be kicking back with Mario Kart Wii and eating Taquitos all summer. Why kid myself? Yes, there’s no denying Wii Fit and its Balance Board peripheral is an amazing new toy (think of it as an electronic yoga mat that senses the slightest directional movement you make, and even knows your true weight), but if the phrase “squat thrust” gave you nightmares before, Wii Fit’s not gonna change that. Those folks should keep their money for Pabst, pizza and more Pabst, lest they get sucked up in the Wii Fit hype and end up with a $90 Wii Doorstop 3 months later.
Read more "Super Cardio Bros...." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 12:20 AM May 25, 2008
Haze charges to the PS3 exclusively... another key piece of evidence that PS3 owners burned down a puppy mill in a past life. Then ate the charred puppy carcasses. In front of the puppies' whimpering mama dog. Then made racist jokes.
For as long as I can remember, game magazines have (somewhat inexplicably) printed letters from readers who just want to remind the staff that they have a pretty awesome job, and they're lucky to have it.
The response is always the same: “It might seem like a great job, but keep in mind some of these games are really shitty.” They point out that when you play a bad game, you’re allowed to shut it off after 15 minutes and then go register your discontent on the Internet (or kick your dog or beat your wife – whatever it is you do). Reviewers, on the other hand, have to stick with it, regardless of how offensive, boring, or just fucking terrible it is, all the way through. “It’s not all sunshine and roses!” they remind.
I’ll give you the straight poop: They’re lying. The job is awesome, we are lucky, and those who try and diminish that fact are either full of shit or spoiled, spoiled, spoiled (a single ‘spoiled’ simply wouldn’t suffice) out-of-touch little man children. One job I had involved spending a summer day in the Arizona desert (100° by 9am) shoveling apart a Volkswagen-sized packrat’s nest, the football-sized vermin brushing between my legs as they fled the demolition and thick yellow clouds of dust that might as well have formed the words “Hanta Virus” like a cartoon – that’s a “not all sunshine and roses” job; reviewing videogames… well, I roll my eyes when it's described as a job at all, much less a “sometimes bad” one.
But games like Haze definitely challenge my beliefs.
Read more "Mama Said There'd..." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 9:15 PM May 22, 2008
I have to say, I'm surprised and reassured by the mainstream gaming press' (relative) maturity in reviewing Penny Arcade Adventures; I had even money that half of these outfits would be lunging at the chance to lace into the game in some gesture of petty revenge for years and years of rough treatment at the hands of Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik.
On the other hand: would any outlet really want to really tear this game apart? Would anyone really have the will to flip off not just Penny Arcade’s millions of fans, but Holikins and Krahulik themselves? Only an idiot invites that sort of attention. It’d be like announcing to the world at large – which includes the IRS – that I wrote off a $5000 high-def TV last year with the flimsy justification that I play games on it.
(Which, um, I did not. No really, I would never do anything like that – why would I deny my glorious nation their tribute? I’m fine with my tax dollars going to, you know, all the great things it does... like illegal wars and no-bid contracts and stuff. What? No, there was no “tone”. A face? I didn’t think I was making a face, it was probably just a tic or something. Look: it just came out wrong, let’s just forget about the whole thing. Oh Jesus, I’ve said too much, haven’t I?)
Well unfortunately for vengeful professional malcontents who've been the target of Penny Arcade's wit - and fortunately for those who would be too goddamned afraid to pan the game - Penny Arcade Adventures’ first episode is pretty good. Crisis averted.
Read more "Microtransaction..." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 2:33 AM May 15, 2008
Despite Corky Thacher’s compelling concept art, New Line Cinema ultimately went with Peter Jackson to direct the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Sooner or later – maybe in 5 years, maybe in 10, but inevitably all the same – most the games we buy will be downloaded. We can whine about not having boxes to hold or manuals to smell (I can’t be the only one) or an actual physical backup for when the console dies on us, but it won’t make any difference – it didn’t with iTunes. Might as well resign ourselves now, and start treating downloadable games like we do any other – which includes reviewing them.
But I’m going to remind these little, non-physical games of their place by giving them little, non-physical reviews: a few paragraphs apiece, Joystick Division exclusive (i.e., no hard copies), and with a whimsical rating system. Take that! downloadable games, for denying me the sweet, sweet bouquet of a freshly minted game manual!
This time I’ll be covering Defend Your Castle and LostWinds, the first two titles I downloaded off Nintendo’s new XBLA/PSN equivalent "WiiWare"... and which brings me to a little preamble.
Read more "Microtransaction..." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 6:41 PM May 13, 2008
In Soviet Russia, trunks stuff bodies in you!... eh, that one doesn’t really work, does it?
Reviewer's note: This is my unabridged review. The standard 600-word variety is available at any Village Voice Media site.
If you read a review the way I do, you’ve already skipped down and read the score, and now you’re back up here to see what the hell my problem is.
All I can say is: Peace, brother. Grand Theft Auto IV is a fine game, with tons of content and all the great moments you’ve come to expect from the series, from high-speed freeway chases against traffic to the hookers that come with a GTA-patented, baseball-bat-assisted money-back guarantee. The story is engaging, the city meticulously detailed and massive, and the game’s lead – Slavic heavy Niko Bellic – not only has a sort of nihilistic charm, he finally solves the riddle of what Boris Badenov would sound like getting a blowjob.
Never has an 8 looked so low as when applied to this, the crown prince of modern gaming and the biggest release of 2008 (if not this entire console generation). But by the same token, never has a 10 out of 10 looked so high – and so inordinately generous – as when applied to the flawed Grand Theft Auto IV.
Read more "Same Ol' M.O.: GTA4..." >>
Posted by Chris Ward at 10:45 AM May 11, 2008
See the polished version over atVillage Voice Media.com's
Game On column, or find it in any free Village Voice paper near you (near the skin ads at the back). But, because I love you, here's the warts and all bloggy version for the web with extra shit thrown in...
ACTUAL SCREEN SHOT
At 16 years old, most people get their driver’s license.
But my initial reaction to Mario Kart Wii, the landmark franchise that turns 16 this year, was to revoke Nintendo’s license. The citation? Releasing an identical (albeit cute) racing game year after year and expecting us to re-purchase each title. That’s the George Lucas approach to marketing in action.
Read more "Mario Kart Wii [REVIEW]" >>
Posted by Chris Ward at 4:11 PM May 04, 2008
As video game reviewer guys, a ton of free games show up on our doorsteps from Public Relations firms hoping we'll review them all, complete with typically awful and hyperbolic press release. With only 52 print reviews allotted per year in the Village Voice, a lot of shit doesn't get reviewed by Gary and I. And I do mean shit...with a wealth of games to consider for review, some games don't even get the shrink wrapping taken off. Some games my cats chew on. Some games get given away to people we dislike immensely.
In this edition of PR Nightmares, we review an unopened copy of...
TOY SHOP
Read more "Public Relations..." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 8:32 PM Apr 30, 2008
Inside the car: The only way to drive.
When the first trailer for Star Wars: Episode I hit theaters, hardcore SW fans bought tickets for the movie it was in front of, watched the trailer, and then walked out – essentially paying full price for a fraction of a final product. (Even more hardcore, the movie they had to buy tickets for was Meet Joe Black.)
Superfans are willing to do that sort of thing – heck, I did it – but most recognize it’s not a very good deal. Similarly, diehard racing fans will be happy for a glimpse of what’s to come with Gran Turismo 5: Prologue, but as for the majority of gamers… well, they’ll see it’s just buying a slice for the price of a whole pie.
Read more "Less Is Less: A..." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 1:13 AM Apr 23, 2008
"Oh, and you were 'Girlfriend of the Year'?"
First of all: God bless Atlus. As a publisher devoted to bringing obscure little Japanese gaming gems to the West and the much-needed heir apparent of Working Designs, Atlus is pretty much the only hope for gamers who crave oddball, strange, or downright niche titles from the Land of the Rising Sun.
(In fact, one of the greatest releases they've made so far hit shelves just yesterday: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 FES, a sort of director's cut of one of the best Japanese-style RPGs to come to the PS2, well, ever. If you like the genre at all, you want this game.)
Really, Atlus is the closest thing we have to an underground label in gaming, something we so desperately need… which is why I’m not going to totally crucify them for Baroque.
Read more "Baroquen Spirit:..." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 3:10 PM Apr 20, 2008
Like the rest of Western Civilization, I quiver in anticipation of the weekly Game On review – even the half that aren’t mine. I'm always eager to see Chris Ward’s thoughts on whatever game happened to cross his desk (or milk crate or papier-mâché Pac-Man nightstand or ottoman fashioned out of dead hookers or whatever his decor situation is).
But when I saw the score he gave House of the Dead 2 & 3 – a 5 out of 10 – I must say, I had some concerns. Because when reviewing certain games – especially games like HotD that, frankly, aren’t very fun – you have to go the extra mile and ask: “Did I really do everything I could to MAKE this game fun?”
Did you, Ward? Because – for example – I see no evidence you played the game with two Zappers at once, John Woo-style. To me, this would be one way to make an un-fun game slightly more fun. Or at least slightly less un-fun.
Remember that scene in Boiler Room where Ben Affleck’s character is telling all his little toadies to “Act As If”? Well maybe if we Act As If a game is a fucking riot to play, it will become fun to play. Maybe we can fool ourselves – how hard can it be? Final Fantasy fans have been doing it for 10 years!
So my question to you, Ward, is: did you immerse yourself in HotD? Because I immersed myself. And since reviewing games is a highly scientific process, I’ve made a step-by-step guide for Ward or anyone else to get the same results.
Read more "Counterpoint: House..." >>
Posted by Chris Ward at 5:15 PM Apr 19, 2008
Matching flesh wounds: kind of disturbing. 6" bellybuttons: very disturbing.
If you don’t remember a game called The Typing of the Dead, you’re not alone.
Released on the failed Sega Dreamcast system, this gory, hilariously titled arcade-style shooter was in many ways exactly like its popular counterpart, The House of the Dead. But instead of aiming a gun at the screen, players fired by typing non sequiturs -- “Smeg Head,” “Potato Man,” etc. -- on the keyboard. When typed quickly and accurately, the corresponding letters blasted bloodthirsty corpses with a kind of Alphabet Ammunition not seen since Bert and Ernie went 187 on a motherfuckin’ cop.
Read more "House of the Dead..." >>
Posted by Nate Patrin at 12:56 PM Apr 17, 2008
On the list of things that aren't as cool as the internet thinks they are -- 300, Dragonforce, anti-gay slurs -- ninjas have to be somewhere near the top. Granted, I'm saying this as a movie geek: samurai have Toshiro Mifune, Shaolin monks have Jet Li, karate masters have Sonny Chiba, and ninjas have... a whole bunch of Golan-Globus garbage starring Sho Kosugi and/or some random dopey American. What you've got left are things like Naruto, that funny-once Real Ultimate Power website and a few webcomics like White Ninja and Dr. McNinja that, while reliably funny, are more goofy than badass. (DISCLAIMER: I don't give a shit about pirates, either. Zombies I can take or leave.) There's only one media where I've really found ninjas to be as awesome as everyone says they are, and that's video games.
Read more "Scribble Jam: Ninja..." >>
Posted by Gary Hodges at 10:33 AM Apr 10, 2008
What? No helmets with horns? ZERO OUT OF TEN!
It’s nice when a game comes along that pleasantly surprises you. I admit, I judged Viking: Battle for Asgard by the screenshots, writing it off as yet another one of those grimy, violent games so plentiful that they’re almost their own category: the “Bloodletting in Brown Clothes on a Cloudy Day” genre.
Read more "Viking: Battle for..." >>
Posted by Jeff Shaw at 7:11 AM Apr 02, 2008
By Chris Ward
As a kid, I spent countless hours thumbing through a dog-eared copy of The Guinness Book of World Records, determined to find just the right stupid human trick to vault me into freak-show history.
Turns out I didn't need to waste all those years stretching my neck with metal rings; I could have just popped in The Legend of Zelda and beaten it in under 30 minutes.
Read more "Game On: Guinness..." >>
Posted by Jonathan McNamara at 6:05 AM Apr 01, 2008
If you’re the kind of person who pays any attention at all to video games and you’re reading this it means that something is physically preventing you from actually playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl right now and you're trying to get your fix any way you can.
Yeah, it’s that good.
But don’t take my word for it. Listen to the million gamers in Japan who purchased it. Listen to the 2500 GameStops with their midnight launches tied to “the biggest video game tournament ever.” Listen to the facts: You can make Mario punch Sonic the Hedgehog in the face while Solid Snake fires missiles at Donkey Kong.
But enough blatant praise, let’s delve into the reasons why Brawl deserves the top spot in your list of gaming priorities.
Graphically, Brawl is the best-looking game on Wii hands down. Nintendo accomplished this partially by utilizing a dual-layered disc capable of storing more memory but the environments, characters and even the items are incredibly detailed. If you look close enough you can see the stitching on Mario’s overalls.
Read more "Game Review: Let's..." >>
