And yet, he's only 11 years old. Think about that. The first proper Mario game that came out after he was born was Super Mario Sunshine.
Even though Mario easily could be something that Oscar's parents thought was cool, Oscar has amassed an amazing collection of Mario memorabilia - over 1,000 individual pieces. And he's put it all together in a cute little video, which you can see below.
I really wonder where Oscar gets his money. That Japan-only Bathing Ape "Mario and Milo" DS ain't cheap.
A few months ago, Gore Verbinski told the world that the estranged BioShock film wasn't so estranged after all. Much to our chagrin.
Well, Ken Levine has now corroborated Verbinski's claim, stating that it is "something [they] are actively talking about and actively working on."
It sounds a little different coming from the man himself, because that means someone who has a legitimately strong track record is involved. How involved? We don't know right now. It might just be an intellectual property thing. But actively working is more than just ironing out the royalties, right?
Last week, a story surfaced about a dude who has had enough of all the virtual killing. The player, named Glen McCracken, has maxed out his Prestige on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 five times and wants some change.
So he's decided to get to level 70 by not killing anyone at all. An impossible feat, it seems, but he believes it can be done. He says it will take about two months of intense patience and a stiff work ethic. Lots of tactical insertions, flag captures, and a trusty blast shield.
Well, that was a week ago, and he's still well on his way. Hit the jump for some statistics in what we believe will be a very long on-going story.
Posted by Alexander Bevier at 2:00 PM Aug 19, 2010
1UP recorded a promotional live fight between Street Fighter's Ryu and Tekken's Kazuya; or at least two people dressed up as such to promote Street Fighter X Tekken. The video is complete with Seth Killian commentating during the fight with the energy of someone watching a rehearsed street fight.
The video's apex is a little bit after the two-minute mark where the fog machine under-dramatically kicks in. Yoshinori Ono also shows up dressed as Chun Li that shows up around 3:30. The whole video (available after the jump) is ridiculous and over-the-top, but it's cool to see things like this going on during community events like Gamescom.
So, you think you're a Super Mario Bros. 3 fan, huh? You think you've memorized every level and seen everything the game has to offer, huh? Well I'll bet dollars to donuts you haven't played these levels, which were hidden as part of the Game Boy Advance re-release known a Super Mario Advance 4.
I suppose a few of you readers might have gone to the trouble of purchasing the inconvenient e-Reader accessory for the Game Boy Advance and tracking down the hard-to-find scannable level cards (including 20 Japanese exclusive) that unlock the hidden "World e." For the rest of you, the below video is as close as you'll have come to enjoying those levels' exclusive features, including enemies and items from other Mario games, throwable blue boomerangs, and A KURIBO'S SHOE OUTSIDE WORLD 5-3 (but still not in the real world).
OK, maybe you don't find that stuff exciting enough to break out the caps lock. But if you do, Youtube user CopyRightHunter has more detailed video breakdowns of the e-levels, and user UpaLuppa has found even more hidden features buried deep in the game. There are also efforts to create a fully hackable e-level editor for the game, if you feel like contributing rather than just sponging off the efforts of others.
Get a taste of the Mario you've been missing after the break.
Then again, portable system collecting has gotten a lot more serious since the Play It Loud days; some of the systems on sale here came from production runs as low as 40 units. And even if I shelled out $8,999 to jumpstart my DS Lite collection here, I'd still be less than halfway to having all 77 DS Lite varieties listed by Console Colors. And that doesn't even include all the other non-Lite DS models, let alone older collectible Game Boys.
Hit the jump to join me in saving thousands of dollars by merely admiring the collection from afar.
The future is here. Too bad the future is a nuclear-scorched wasteland.
Along with being nuts about games, many of us here at JD are aficionados of Google's Android phone platform. So when a news item comes along that combines both, it's like chocolate and peanut butter.
The fine folks over at Android Central have spotted this new US Army wrist computer that bears more than a passing resemblance to the Fallout series' trademark Pip-Boy personal computer. Although the Army's Android-based GD300 has a 600 MHz ARM processor, 8 GB of onboard flash memory, and a 800 x 480 3.5-inch screen, it probably doesn't allow you to use Stimpacks or take out enemies with VATS.
It is a beautiful thing when a bunch of dorks pick up some instruments and cover a video game song. It is even better when they infuse Nintendo themes and sounds with all their songs.
This group I have for you here is called I Fight Dragons, and they are an NES-rock band from Chicago. They decided to wow a likely nerd-based audience by expressing their love of the Legend of Zelda games through amplified song at one of their shows. Their choice? The main theme, which they have renamed "I Fight Ganon".
Luckily, someone in the front had a camera. For a live show, the fidelity is excellent and the harmonies are pretty damn good. I would probably go see them if they toured to Seattle. Which they might, because apparently they are kind of a big deal -- they recently played on the Warped Tour.
Anyway, enough about me. Let's get to the music. Hit the link for the video.
Video Game Tattoo: Like wearing an 'I'm an idiot' sticker!
You know how tattoo parlors aren't allowed to serve drunk customers? Well, they shouldn't be allowed to serve gamers, either.
At least not these gamers.
Everyone, at some time or another, will want a giant, colorful tattoo of their favorite character or emblem somewhere on their body. Maybe a Mario here, a Samus there, or a Triforce somewhere else. Most of the time, the reasonable human brain will file that into the 'not a good idea' section -- but not always.
This is a picture collection of those people that aren't capable of making good choices. And the permanent, awful results that follow.
If you have any particularly heinous pictures of tattoos, please share them with everyone on our comment board!
Over at Kotaku, a reader sent in a tip about Geek Chic Cosmetics, a new line of makeup specifically aimed at gamer girls.
Geek Chic offers up several lines of cosmetics based on popular gaming franchises like Mario, Zelda and Portal.
We're going to have to assume that their use of these symbols and characters is totally unauthorized, so if you're interested in grabbing some Mushroom Kingdom-inspired eye shadow, you may want to move fast.
Colors include "Green 'Stache", "Its-a Me", "Princess in Distress" and more. Prices range from $5 to $15 bucks, and you can see some of the available products below.
Beatboxing is sometimes amazing. Video game themes are sometimes amazing. What happens which you mix them together? A percussive performance that's thoroughly entertaining.
The beatboxer in the picture over there is Hikakin. He's Japanese. He looks like a positive dude.
He has a big following on the internet, mostly on youtube.com, because of his creative, funky interpretations of everything from Daft Punk to Tetris.
Hikakin has decided to record his mad beatboxing skills for the world to enjoy, and we've decided to share them with you. The theme he'll be dropping? Super Mario.
There have been a lot of Mario theme remakes over the years, but his version is pretty out of this world. The last minute of music defies comprehension.
Hit the link for a video of some nerdy video game awesomeness.
Now the Brothers have returned with one of their most gaming-focused videos yet: 50 Nintendo Spoilers in Two Minutes.
Over the course of the two minute video, the Brothers spoil the endings of 50 NES games. Some of them you probably know (Mario saves the Princess!), but many of them you might not.
For example, many gamers played but never finished the notoriously hard Ninja Gaiden games. Well, now you can find out how all three of them end, along with 47 other games.
The video, as you may have guessed, is embedded below.
Most people we know love dogs, but there's one canine that pretty much everyone loves to hate.
The Duck Hunt Dog.
This giggling bastard is a rarity for Nintendo: a character designed primarily to drive players to frustration. Think about it: Can you name another Nintendo character who shows up and mocks you when you screw up?
Not content to stay in a video game where he damn belongs, the Duck Hunt Dog has been spotted in the real world.
Grab your guns.
The photo of the terrible creature was first reported in a Swedish newspaper and then shared with Kotaku.
The Fine Bros, creators of the Interactive Twilight 8-Bit Game and the Toy Story 3 deleted scene have returned with another interactive video adventure. This time, your challenge is to help one very troubled individual: Lindsay Lohan.
Like the Twilight project, the video itself is an interactive game - making a decision at the end of a segment will take you another video that lets you see the consequences of your decision. So if you want to see everything, you'll have to play through it several times. What are you waiting for? The first video is below!
Naturally, there's only one thing to do: share some heavy metal versions of video game theme songs!
There are plenty of quality covers of video game theme songs, and these are some of our favorites metal reinterpretations of some iconic gaming music. If you see any other heavy metal video game covers that we need to be made aware of, please send them our way.
Until then, enjoy the videos below, because it's never too early to start rocking!
A product for men who love both games and sex, and can't handle keeping the two completely segregated. This cardboard Game Boy contains six video game themed cartridge condoms, and offers the variety that is essential for any true sexual deviant.
-The Long End of Zelda: Ribbed for her pleasure
-Dong: Heat
-Bone Zone 2: Tingle
-Super Mario Land of Love: Thin
-Sextris: X Safe
-Donkey Shlong: Magnum sized
Each "cartridge" is covered in the appropriate box art for each title, and can be found after the break. If you're one of the few nerds fortunate enough to be strapping any of these on for something other than masturbation, well I salute you, and you need to send me an email of how the hell you managed to do it.
If you're going to do this, would you kindly not fuck it up?
It looks like BioShock: The Movie hasn't been totally forgotten about. Gore Verbinski, the director-turned-producer of the thing, has some good news for weary fans out there -- it looks like there is still a lot of backing to have the movie made. As usual, it's a money thing -- apparently the budgets are just too high right now.
The movie idea has been passed around for a while now, and with the poor reception of Prince of Persia, a lot of speculation has said the movie version of Ken Levine's masterpiece will never see the light of day. Though I am still skeptical that it is going to fly, there is something to be said for the fact that it hasn't been dropped entirely.
With 28 Weeks Later director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo now in control, the only thing keeping the movie from being made is the huge cost it is going to take to make it. I guess it begs the question, though, do we really want (or need) a BioShock movie?
Do you love TRON? Have you ever dreamed of grabbing your rod and rezzing in a Lightcycle? Well now if you have a spare $35,000 your dreams can come true! Except for the fact that instead of "rezzing in" you'd actually be "running to your garage" or something.
This baby was constructed by the Parker Brothers Choppers in Florida, and is up on eBay as you read this. So check the photos after the jump, and if you're still interested head on over to the auction to find out more. I know what you're wondering and yes, the helmet is included.
Yesterday, our good buddies at Topless Robot posted a video of a guy singing every part of the Pokemon theme song A Capella. It takes a special devotion to undertake this type of project, so naturally, we're impressed!
Inspired by this courageous act of nerdery, we decided to find more fantastic vocal performances of video game theme songs.
The following five videos are our picks for our favorite A Capella video game theme songs. The Pokemon guy made the list. Find out who else did below!
I like metal. I like pinball. I like my iPod Touch. Slayer Pinball should have been the perfect thing for me. However, Andrew Flanagan over at the City Pages (owned and operated by Joystick Division parent company Village Voice Media) played it, and he certainly isn't impressed. You can pretty much sum up his review with a single quote: "The game is terrible."
Fortunately, Slayer Pinball has given Flanagan an excuse to discuss video game pinball as a genre, and he's got some interesting points.
This video makes me wonder what team exactly Mario and his pals would play for. Mario's Italian, but his daddy Shigeru is Japanese... And Donkey Kong's a gorilla, so he's probably from Africa... And does the Mushroom Kingdom have a team? I'm confused. This is why I don't follow sports.
This parody video from producers The Fine Brothers landed in my inbox over the evening. I got a kick out of it and thought that you good people might as well. It explores one possible reason why Andy stopped playing with Woody, Buzz and the other toys. I think you can figure out what that reason might be based on the title of this post.
Keep in mind that despite the subject, the video is mildly NSFW.
How often do you see a poster for a zombie movie without a single zombie on it? Not often, because normally zombies are the star of the show. Clearly, that's not the case with Resident Evil: Afterlife. The movie studio is selling the movie on a very simple concept: "Hot Chick in 3D."
I guess I can't fault their logic. They could put all the zombies in the world on this poster and I probably wouldn't see it. I gave up on the Resident Evil movie series after the second one. But I have to admit that the concept of Milla in all her multi-dimensional glory might get me out to the theater.
IGN's Jessica Chobot has had her torso cast in plaster, and said cast was painted in a God of War theme by Sony Erik San Juan. The cast will be auctioned off for charity, with the proceeds going to the Keep-A-Breast Foundation. All of this is probably more information than you need, since I know why you're reading this post. More pictures below!
Man, I love stuff like this. It just goes to show you how creative (and weird) gamers can be. Over at Newgrounds, user Jake Clark has created "Link's Barrel Beat," a beatbox track using Link's grunts from The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. It's just a loop that repeats until you get tired of it, but if you're a Zelda fan you'll probably get a chuckle out of it. I did.
Well, I have to admit that is one of the most interesting pieces of licensed video game gear I've seen in a while. UK publisher Rising Star Games has teamed up with lingerie company Bedtime Flirt for a line of underwear inspired by the ladies of No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle.
"No More Heroes 2 is all about style. We wanted to offer fans of the
game the opportunity to replicate that cool in real life," says Rising Star's managing director Martin Defries. You check out several of the designs above, and below you'll see even more in a full-page ad about how UK residents can win said saucy outfits.
This awesome wall graphic is available now on LTL Prints, a site that sells all kinds of wall graphics. The Atari joystick above is from artist Christian Wiseman, who has created several other slick wall graphics available at the same site.
The "Old School Controller 2" is available in a variety of custom sizes. I think you need one for your game room.
Plenty of folks out there are doing the "365 days of photos" projects these days, but I have yet to see one this fun and nerdy. The "Stormtroopers 365" project is 365 shots of Star Wars's Stormtroopers doing thing, including several gaming-related activities. Check out a couple more gaming-related shots below.
The folks over at Robot Badger have taken it upon themselves to collect a frighteningly extensive collection of Mortal Kombat cosplay. For what reason I couldn't say, but I've pulled a couple shots for your pleasure here. Above you've got a nice group shot and below you've got what is clearly the sexiest MK cosplay of all time.
A few weeks ago Derek Littlejohn was fired from GameStop, apparently for remarks he made to a journalist on Japanese rape sim RapeLay. Granted, his remarks were a little ridiculous (speculating RapeLay exists because Japanese people are sexually repressed), but saying something dopey can't possibly be a termination-worthy offense at GameStop. There wouldn't be anyone left to run the company!
So we got curious: Is getting fired from GameStop for saying the wrong thing a common occurrence? To find out, we sent out a whole team of seasoned journalists to GameStops nationwide to listen in on employees' conversations, publish everything they heard, and then see who got fired. Here were the top termination-worthy remarks:
This is pretty cool. Reader Morris sent this my way today: a set of scans from a promotional art book for Street Fighter II: Special Champion Edition. The book was included in Sega's "Mean Machines" magazine back in the 1990s and Capcom was good enough to allow Morris to scan the pages and upload them to Flickr. Check out more of the artwork below.
BATON ROUGE - Video game developer and publisher Capcom announced the costly and damaging Louisiana oil spill was "...a poorly planned marketing attempt" in a press conference Wednesday morning that left all in attendance in either stunned silence or overwhelmed by near-violent outrage.
The spill is perhaps the worst disaster since the Exxon Valdez, and "...actually approaches the level of tragedy that was that last Bionic Commando game," remarked Chris Ward, representative for the Environmental Protection Agency.
According to Capcom's Community Manager Seth Killian, Capcom approached BP early in April to see if they'd be interested in helping promote the release of Super Street Fighter IV - which includes new character Hakan, a Turkish oil wrestler - "in a bold, exciting new way. Something really unprecedented. And they were amenable to it."
"Um... well look, it was a bad idea," said Killian at the press conference. "I mean, it was a good idea, it just didn't work the way we expected it to. It needed a second look."
Killian claims the PR intern who proposed the spill has been reprimanded, and closed the conference with an announcement that Super Street Fighter IV has shipped 1 million copies.
"What's amazing is that isn't even the right kind of oil," remarked Joystick Division editor J. Matthew Zoss after the announcement. "Doesn't Hakan use olive oil or some... I'm not even understanding what I just heard. Is this for real? Can you give me a minute? I need to just... lie down or something."
Boing Boing has an excellent collection of fan-made 8-Bit games on display today, including my clear favorite above. I've got a couple other fun ones below the break.
Arizona, my home state, has been making news lately - alas, not for our rugged and beautiful natural landscape, our amazing hotels and dining options, or even our uncommonly great freelance game bloggers. No, it's been for advancing wacky far-right political causes.
While other concerned citizens were protesting at the capital, I decided to pull some Arizona legislators aside and ask them: What would they do if they got a chance to pass bills on gaming?
Like many gamers, I'd been waiting for the arrival of Splinter Cell: Conviction for a long time. I get sent review copies of many games from publishers, and Conviction is the latest title that showed up on my doorstep. But for whatever reason, it didn't reach me until Friday (the game came out last Tuesday) and therefore I'm pretty behind on my review. I therefore spent a lot of last week dinking around with several games - I was unsure of when Conviction would show up, and didn't want to start on any of the many, many games in my backlog.
I was really excited to start up Dark Void Zero, the 8-bit style prequel to the 360/PS3 action game that arrived on the iTunes store last week. I completely understand why so many people liked it on WiiWare - it's a truly loving homage to the glory days of NES action games. But as an iPhone/iTouch game... I can't really stand it. The touch screen controls are just too slippery for me, a real detriment in a game that recreates the often unforgiving mentality of old NES games. I found myself jumping into bullets one too many times on even the first level to stick with it. I'm sure it's great with a physical controller, but without one I just can't get into it.
Speaking of iPhone games, the excellent Zombie Smash has a new free update out that adds a randomly generated level to the campaign, as well as new weapons and tweaks. I love seeing this type of free support for what's already a great little game.
The makers of another one of my recent iPhone favorites are back with a new game! Space Miner developers Venan are back with Ninjatown: Trees of Doom, an all-new game based on the Shawnimals franchise. The fact that they made Space Miner is enough to guarantee that I'll check it out.
I love the fact that publishers are supporting games like Just Cause 2 with free DLC, but I'm also completely unmotivated to even download the ice cream truck that's been given away to players. Yes, it's always nice to get stuff for free, but a new vehicle doesn't really have any tangible effect on gameplay, does it? I appreciate that DLC costs money to develop, but if the free content is really nothing of consequence, why even bother?
I've continued playing the aforementioned Just Cause 2 during my wait for Conviction, as it's one of those games you can pick up for 15 minutes and accomplish something, even if it's just earning additional Chaos. Conversely, a game that I scored higher - Heavy Rain - is something that I probably won't return to until I have a solid block of time to devote to it again. As much as I admire games that try to deepen the medium, some times you just have to blow shit up.
Finally, we'll have some guest news posts in the early part of this week, so you'll see a second byline on some of my posts. No, I'm not having an identity crisis.
How could it not be? There's a bit of a buzz brewing about a certain lead actress not appearing on the cover, but I think they're missing the bigger story: this is gonna be awesome!
The retro-looking rip-off homage to Legend of Zelda, 3D Dot Game Heroes, lets players build their own avatars (3D) pixel by (3D) pixel - so it was only a matter of time before someone went ahead and recreated Link circa 1986.
Master statistician and bator Gary Hodges couldn't help but wonder what other inevitable, painfully obvious player creations we'll see when 3D Dot Game Heroes hits next month. And rather than wait to find out, he jumped in the Joystick Division time machine and saw for himself! Behold his findings... from the future!
Over the weekend I got the website traffic report for our little site here and I'm thrilled to say that March saw Joystick Division hit an all-time high for both page views and unique visitors. Obviously I have to thank the staff of phenomenal writers that have come on board since I took the reigns of the site, as it's their great content that is bringing in the readers. But of course I need to thank you, the audience as well. We literally could not have done it without you, so thank you for reading and I hope that you'll stick around!
We're always interested in what we can do better and what you'd like to see more of (or less of) on the site. We've tried to shift away from being just another "video game news" site and provide you with at least one piece of original feature writing per day. How is that working for you? Do we need to bring you more news along with our features? Less? More reviews? More erotic fan art? I can't promise we'll make every change that's suggested to us, but we'd love to hear what we're doing right and doing wrong.
Yes, I know we need a redesign to make the site less ugly.
In other news, there will be no "Seven Questions" interview today, but the feature will return shortly.
Feel free to share this with the 2 year old in YOUR life!
It almost slipped right by us unnoticed, but Joystick Division turned 2 years old on April Fools' Day - a great relief to me especially, because I think I'm ready for big-boy pants, as long as you still promise to wipe me.
I'm not sure where to go from that last comment. Let's just start over.
Joystick Division is two years old! Just two years ago a small group of VVM folk decided to launch their new gaming blog, the same one you're reading today. As the only remaining member of the original team and prone to navel-gazing, I thought it'd be fun to step into the time machine and look back at Joystick Division's original 8 inaugural posts... and you know what? They hold up, if I do say so myself!
Anyone get an iPad yet? I haven't, but honestly I'm really hoping to get one. I took a day off on Friday to do something other than be in front of the computer, and when I finally broke down and checked my email, it was flooded with press releases about iPad game announcements and offers for review codes. The iPhone took some time to be seen as a legitimate gaming device. The iPad, on the other hand, seems to have been greeted with open arms from the gaming community from day one.
If anyone did pick one up, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Outside of the iPad, there's not much going on in the gaming world that's kept me too mentally occupied. I'm still playing Just Cause 2, a game that I split on with new writer Kyle Orland. I'm really excited to have more original content on the site and more reviews - hopefully you are too. This will be the first full week of Games for Lunch on Joystick Division, so make sure you check back every day and give Kyle a warm welcome!
A few months back, a video game site that I was a big fan of laid off most of its staff. That site, Crispy Gamer, is still around, but most of the writers who made me frequent the page are not. Fortunately, Crispy Gamer's loss is Joystick Division's gain: we've already got one ex-Crispy-ite in the crew, and tomorrow another joins the staff.
Starting tomorrow, Kyle Orland will be running his unique "Games for Lunch" column right here on JD. If you've never read one of his GfL reviews before, the idea is simple - he plays a game for an hour and tells you whether or not its worth playing for longer, with minute-by-minute updates along the way.
We're excited to have Kyle joining the crew - his daily column will be a nice addition to JD's new focus on providing original content along with daily news. And for the record, I wanted to give you guys a heads-up before his first post tomorrow - debuting new content on April 1st is always a little risky!
Pollster and statistician Gary Hodges is enamored of his brand-new bronze DSi XL, and delighted to see all his favorite games bigger than ever. And as always, you can see this graph 'bigger than ever' just by clicking on it - oh ho-ho-ho, now that's a segue! I'm ready to be an anchorman at the local news!
There are games with bad box art on every console, but the Wii has by far the most terrible game covers. That's because both Microsoft and Sony have stricter controls over game concepts and cover art than Nintendo - it's therefore much easier to release a slapped-together, low-budget game on the Wii than the other two consoles. And with low-budget games comes low-budget box art.
These 15 games are just some of the shamefully bad game boxes out there. I'm not making any comment of the games themselves - I haven't played a single one. I'm just here to mock the cover art. Your first entrant, My Ballet Studio, is above. Read on for the next 14 embarrassing pieces of cover art crud.
This weekend saw the inaugural edition of PAX East, Penny Arcade's expansion of their successful Seattle game convention. I unfortunately wasn't there, although after reading about it I really wish I had been. PAX and PAX East really are transforming into must-attend game conferences, complete with plenty of exclusive material that every gaming outlet really should cover. Our pal Gus Mastrapa was there, so hopefully we'll be hearing his thoughts on the convention soon.
I've admitted several times before that the Xbox 360 is my console of choice, but this weekend really put that to the test. I have two 360s, and neither of them was functioning the way I wanted this weekend. One was having consistent problems connecting to Xbox Live, while the other (an Elite, no less) has developed a freezing problem that's getting worse and worse. These are Xboxes numbers 7 and 8, and while I really dislike a lot of things about the PS3, I'm seriously considering using it as my lead gaming platform from now on.
Maybe the issues with my 360s are part of why I've continued to spend so much time playing games on my iPod. It's the only gaming platform that I use literally every day.
Who am I kidding? I'll be back on my 360 later today. I'll have my review of Just Cause 2 for you tomorrow. And after that, it's on to either Bad Company 2 or Deadly Premonition. Hopefully I'll be able to finish up both before Splinter Cell: Conviction comes out.
Let me kick this post off with a disclaimer: I am not the right person to get you jacked about paying $15 bucks for two old and three new Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 maps. So if you're looking for someone to slit the throat of your nagging conscience -- allowing you to peacefully purchase this alleged stimulus package -- then you came to the wrong place because I will not wield that blade.
This could be due in part to the fact that I've been playing a whole lot of Battlefield: Bad Company 2. A great game in it's own right, but more relevant to our conversation at hand is the fact that you get a metric fuckton of DLC absolutely free as a VIP member (purchased the game new).
Or it could be because there are a million other things I would rather download for $15 or less. I have prepared a short list that can be found after the break, along with a detailed walkthrough of the new MW2 maps as promised in the post title.
God of War III raises fascinating and complex theological issues*. Once again, intrepid pollster Gary Hodges asks the hard questions, gets harder answers, and then reorganizes them into easy-to-understand infographic form. Where would we be without him?
Lately, my "Monday Ramblings" column has basically been "What I've Been Playing Lately." There's nothing wrong with that, but ideally I'd like to use this space to share with you my thoughts on some of the bigger stories going on in the gaming industry. But sometimes there's not much going on, so instead you get these little tidbits about what's happening in my consoles. Joy!
Much of my time this last week was spent with Infinite Space, the Nintendo DS space exploration RPG from Bayonetta developers Platinum Games. The official JD review of the game is actually coming at you this week from reviewer Caleb Newby, so I'll withhold my comments until after then.
I finally finished Dante's Inferno, a game that isn't long but took me quite a while to get through. To me, the most interesting thing about the game is a conversation it sparked between me and JD's writer/illustrator extraordinaire, Gary Hodges. While we both loved Dead Space, we wondered whether or not Visceral Games has it in them to create anything truly original. After all, Dead Space, while good, is pretty standard survival horror. I believe it may have began its existence as System Shock 3 (EA owns the franchise and was rumored to be developing it at one point), but that's just speculation. And Dante's Inferno... well, we all know where Dante's Inferno draws its influence from.
Dante's Inferno is done, and this will (hopefully) be my final comment on the game. I can't say that I liked the game at all, but I guess I can see why some people do. If you've never played any of the God of War games, it probably feels pretty great. It's bloody, violent and dark - much more gritty than sillier action games like Bayonetta. I'm not sure why Visceral didn't just call the game "Hell's Gate" or something like that. The game has so little to do with the book they've been accused of desecrating.
Thanks to a code from Sony, I played through the first Heavy Rain DLC. Heavy Rain Chronicles: The Taxidermist is a prequel to the main game, and it's interesting experiment in expanding on the story of the main game. Look for my writeup tomorrow.
Hello, what's this? It seems some copies of God of War III shipped with a breakdown of the game's nutritional value! Yes, really. Yes really. Yes really.
(Click to embiggen.)
Oh alright I'm lying. Good job cracking the case there, Chief No-Fun of the Inowannas.
This week is a pretty good week for video games - take a look at the post below if you need a reminder about what's coming out. The big one is obviously God of War III, which I reviewed last week and quite enjoyed. Of course, the new Pokemon games will probably outsell it and everything else release this week, which includes some very strong titles.
- I'm curious about THQ's Metro 2033, although I haven't really heard much about it one way or the other. I contacted the publisher about setting up an interview but heard nothing back. Oh well.
- I loved Dragon Age, so I assume that I'll love Dragon Age: Origins Awakening. Apparently, the core game is required to play this retail expansion, so if you were looking for a lower-priced entry point to the series, you're out of luck.
- Command and Conquer 4 is a game that I'll probably play eventually, and I stress the word "eventually." The great thing about the RTS genre is that you can revisit them years later and the gameplay (usually) works just as well as the day it was released. It's hard to say that about most other genres - try playing an FPS that's even a couple years old. It can be tough.
- I've heard good things about Infinite Space, the Nintendo DS title from Bayonetta developers Platinum Games. I may check it out, but I hardly ever play my DS anymore, thanks largely to my iPod.
- Speaking of the iPod, I spent a ton of time this week playing the iPod version of Crush the Castle. Expect a full review soon, because I just can't stop talking about the damn game.
- I'm almost done with Dante's Inferno, a game that I hate but am determined to finish for some reason. I've been thinking about writing a piece comparing it to to God of War III, but we'll see if I actually get around to it.
I play a lot of games, but I don't buy a lot of games. I'm not saying this to brag - free games are just a reality of the games journalism world. I mention this because the actual purchasing of games is something of a rarity for me now, but I actually did a fair bit of shopping over the last few days.
- I've missed evening of MW2 multiplayer lately, as I gave up on that game when the bugs and exploits were reaching their peak. After reading several reviews I decided to pick up Battlefield: Bad Company 2 in hopes that it will scratch that particular itch.
- A friend recommended the budget-priced horror game Deadly Premonition, which is receiving some of the most wildly divergent reviews I've ever seen. It sounds so strange that I have to check it out, even though there's a fair chance that I'll hate it.
- After reading this article, I decided to grab the iPhone game Valet Hustle. I haven't checked it out yet, but I've very curious to see how a casual game attempts to convey a social message. At only a buck, it's by far the cheapest purchase I made in the last few days.
- I also grabbed an Xbox Live Marketplace points card while I was out buying things. I'm behind on quite a few pieces of DLC I'd like to check out.
- I may not have purchased it, but God of War III showed up at my house late last week. The embargo on reviews actually lifted today, so I'm sure you'll start seeing reviews by this afternoon. My personal review will be coming a little later in the week. So far it's awesome, of course.
MINNEAPOLIS - Hot on the
heels of revelations that Apple Inc. used child labor in its manufacturing
plants overseas, equally damning charges have been leveled against Village
Voice Media for having exploited manchild labor at gaming blog Joystick
Division.
"No comment," said
Joystick Division's editor, a harried-looking J. M. Zoss, as he hurried from
his palatial estate into a waiting limousine. "Talk to my attorneys. Talk to my
attorneys."
Mr. Zoss may not be
talking, but evidence revealed so far is hard to refute. According to
testimony from current and former Joystick Division writers, the game blog has
knowingly used manchild labor since the beginning.
Last Monday, I collected a bunch of random thoughts in a single post. Guess what? I'm doing it again, and will probably continue to do it from now on. In a sense, I'm embracing the essence of blogging; writing about a bunch of crap that's on my mind. But since this is and always will be a blog about video games, I'll spare you my thoughts on topics like Wes Anderson, humor in music and/or Will Ferrell. Hint: I don't like any of them.
Over the last few days, I've spent an inordinate amount of time with downloadable games. Codes for several downloadable games were sent my way recently, so I spent much of the weekend's gaming time checking them out.
- I played through about a third of The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom the other day and generally enjoyed it. Like Braid, it's a game that fills you with significant satisfaction when you solve its puzzles. Expect a full review in a couple of days.
- The Lazy Raiders contest is full of some hilarious entries. You've got until Midnight tonight to enter. James Hawkins' review of the game is coming in the next few hours.
- A small German game developer called One More Games sent me a code for their iPhone game Doppelganger, which is essentially the board game Memory. It's pretty simple but I actually quite enjoyed it, thanks to some clever presentation.
- Speaking of the iPhone, I've decided that I have a completely unhealthy relationship to the game Fieldrunners. I have yet to beat Grasslands on Extended mode Medium difficulty, and it makes me crazy. I find myself getting angry at the game, and yet unable to stop playing it. It's like an abusive spouse that I can't divorce.
- In other non-DLC news, it looks like we'll have a new reviewer joining the JD crew soon! I'm very excited to have this person aboard and look forward to his first review.
I've openly
bagged on Dante's Inferno for months. I've made comments that could easily be
categorized as any or all of the following: dismissive, snarky, bitchy
(assuming heterosexual men can be bitchy; I believe they can), pompous, nasty,
bratty, cruel, and unnecessarily harsh.
Asked by Joystick Division editor J. M. Zoss if
I'd like to review it, I declined: "What's the
point of writing one more awful review of the game?" I sniffed.
(Keep in mind this was weeks
before the game was even released. There hadn't even been a review written of it, much less an
awful one.)
I had
deemed the game horseshit the moment I heard of it; casting aside accusations of
confirmation bias with a guffaw, every bit of Dante's Inferno news between
announcement and launch only encouraged my suspicions. In the week prior to
Inferno's release, I toiled away on an elaborate piece lampooning it; the
possibility the game could turn out to be an interactive masterpiece and make
all my work a waste of time never crossed my mind.
I know how
this sounds. If I heard some game critic openly declaring his disdain for a
game months before even playing it, I'd wonder if he was a narrow-minded blowhard. Or at least
be curious to know why.
Well I can tell
you why, if you want to hear me out.
After posting the Just Cause 2 videos this morning, I've found little else I'm excited to write about, so I figured that I'd just share some random thoughts with you folks this morning. Hope you like brain dumps! Hey, it's a blog. I can do this shit.
Finished BioShock 2 over the weekend. I didn't enjoy it as much as James did, although I completely understand why he liked it as much as he did. But the reason that I liked the original BioShock as much as I did is that I saw "big questions" in it, like the nature of free will. BioShock 2, despite its strengths, didn't have that.
Some, but not all, of the winners of the Sam Jackson iPhone case contest have sent me their addresses. I haven't sent anyone's prizes out yet, because I'm lazy and I'd rather not go to the post office multiple times. You're ruining it for the rest of them, people!
My copy of Heavy Rain arrived late last week and I think I'm almost done with the game. It's pretty cool, although it won't be for everyone. I'm excited to share my thoughts on it with you fine folks.
I have yet to touch Dante's Inferno. I hear it can be finished in a little over five hours.
Both the response and the traffic numbers have been positive to JD's new direction. We're still ironing out a few kinks, but I'm happy to say that readers seem to like our new focus on original content. Thanks, readers!
Last night I installed a program called PS3 Media Server on my PC. Despite the name, it streams all the movies on my computer to the Xbox 360 in my living room with very little fuss or muss. Not sure why I didn't do it earlier.
Dante's Inferno has finally arrived, and, well... it's not good, people. But come on, how could anyone really be surprised? When the
best you can come up with in a game version of one of the greatest literary
works of all time is: "The player will sew a cross to his chest and beat
the shit out of demons - oh, and there'll be tits!", even the most
forgiving gamer has to roll his eyes.
This doesn't mean Dante's Inferno won't be successful. It might even do well - why wouldn't it? I refer you
to Paragraph 1: Demon-Punching, and Tits. You'd have to be pretty new to this to underestimate the appeal of either. In fact, Dante's Inferno could even be
so successful that we'll not only get a sequel (an appalling enough notion),
but EA and other publishers will start looking at other literary classics to
shit all over with a derivative, dopey game.
And
there are so many great books that could make for a laughable game if we follow the Inferno model, slashing 95% of what made them great and then fornicating on top of the 5% we kept. Let me
show you how it's done.
As I mentioned before, there are some changes coming to Joystick Division. You've already seen a few of them by now, such as more frequent site updates and a couple new writers: Owen Johnson and James Hawkins. Several other new writers have joined the JD squad as well, and I was hoping to get most of them up and running this week. But plans are for fools, so it looks like most of the new writers will be starting up next week.
I spent a good chunk of time this week talking to game publishers about upcoming events, so one of the things that's coming in the weeks to come is more first-hand coverage of video game-related events. There are a few other things in the works that I can't yet divulge, but I think we'll all be excited about the new features coming to the site!
The new month is bringing with it some changes to Joystick Division. You've already seen some content by new writers Owen Johnson and James Hawkins. This week, even more new staffers will be starting up, as with the week after that. By the end of next week, the new plan for JD will be pretty obvious. We're still going to be bringing you multiple video game news posts per day, but we're also going to have at least one piece of "feature content" every day.
"Feature content" can mean a few things: hands-on previews, opinion pieces, top ten lists, event coverage and more. But in short it means original content. We know you have your choice of video game news sites, and we appreciate everyone who chooses us for their game information. Unlike many news items, our feature content won't be available anywhere else. It will be fresh, thoughtful, funny, smart exclusive content. And by the end of next week, we'll be bringing that content to you at least five times a week. So keep checking back as we start rolling out the new content for JD!
It's time to reveal a secret to you fine folks, a secret that's... not really secret at all. Many of you already knew this or suspected it, but Anton Gordon was actually a pen name, one that I'm retiring as of today. My real name is J. Matthew Zoss (or Jeremy Zoss, if you prefer. Or just Zoss. Or JZ. Whatevever). That's me being terrorized by CliffyB in the photo above.
I've been working in the video game industry for about seven years now, and you may have seen my name in some other publications. The reason I started writing under a pen name is... well, just for fun, really. A friend asked if I wanted to start writing for JD in my spare time and I said yes, not thinking I'd become as seriously invested in the site as I did. I also wanted to experiment with some different writing styles, as you can see in some of my goofyearlyposts. But I quickly defaulted back to my normal writing voice, and you can be sure I never changed a hint of my opinion because I was writing under a different name.
The reason I'm sharing this now is because I've been offered the opportunity to step up and take the reins of Joystick Division as its new Editor In Chief. I'm going to be bringing some changes to the site, all of which I think you'll enjoy. You may have noticed that we have a great new writer on staff, Owen Johnson. There will be a piece by another new writer this afternoon, and in the coming weeks you'll start to see content by many more. The new JD staff features some names you'll recognize if you're a long-time reader, as well as some talented veterans of other gaming outlets. It's all very exciting stuff, and Joystick Division is going become better than ever!
You either think this homemade sweater is awesome or terrible, and your reaction says a lot about you as a person. Instructions on how to make this terrible, awesome thing can be found here. See the back of the sweater after the jump!
There's a whole lot of nothing going on in the world of video games today, so I'll just wish you a Happy New Year's Eve and move on. I'll be playing some Rock Band tonight at my brother's party - hope your evening is similarly fun and nerdy!
It's probably too late to grab these for this year's Christmas, but it's never too late to start planning for next year, right? Tech blog Walyou has a bunch of other ornaments on display, so head over there to see more controller ornaments, arcade cabinet ornaments and more.
It's Christmas Eve, and all is quiet in Joystick Division land. The snow is falling, the Xbox is glowing with a festive red ring, and a Goomba just delivered to me a mug of hot chocolate. I'll be posting a few fun Christmas-y things here over the next couple days, but otherwise I'll be off enjoying the holiday. I hope you do the same!
Here's my first holiday gift to you: a swank 8-Bit Christmas tree!
Joystick Division can't always be your main source for the greatest original video game content on the web. Anton and I try our bests, but the man keeps us down. Therefore, we will show some love to our fellow gaming publications and link out to what we're reading throughout the day. The content you'll find in this post will mostly be features, interviews, exclusives, etc. Hope you enjoy and spread the love this holiday season, gamers!
You're being warned ahead of time: I'm going to get worked up in this post over something that many of you may see as a small issue. This story begins with a pretty harmless news itme: Brutal Legends is getting a new DLC pack. The pack features a pretty decent amount of stuff: new weapons, new costumes, new maps and new heads to put on "Mount Rockmore." That's all good, and the price isn't that bad ($5 on PS3, $6 on Xbox 360).
What's got me in a tizzy is a particular part of the pack, an item called the Oculus of the Lost. It helps point the way towards collectibles that you haven't yet found. Here's why this bugs me. There are two kinds of DLC, the kind that expands a game (new maps, new weapons) and the kind that fixes problems (patches, title updates, etc). The Oculus of the Lost, to me anyway, is the latter. When I reviewed the game, one of the problems I had with it was how little guidance there was when searching for all the different collectible doodads you need to find in the game. I'm not the only who had this problem. I'm not saying I need my hand held - plenty of games have systems that guide you to the general direction of a collectible without just handing it to you (Crackdown, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Infamous, etc). The Oculus of the Lost seems to have been designed specifically to address an issue that was pointed out in review/user feedback. I'm of the mindset that anything designed to correct a game design flaw should be free.
Like I said, this may be a small issue. The DLC pack, overall, seems like a good value. But in my mind, The Oculus of the Lost should be offered for free as part of a title update to all players, and those who want to pay extra for the rest of it can choose to do so. Seems like a fair compromise to me.
I'm still a little Mega Man happy today after posting about the Doom II mod yesterday. Today, I caught some really cool cosplay pictures from AnimeFest '09 of some really dedicated Mega Man Legends fans.
You can find more from these cosplayers by checking out Hopie-chan on Deviantart. I'm also really glad they specified Mega Man Legends because the Mega Man 64 was terrible.
In addition to the Holiday Gift Guide we ran recently, here are a few games we've deemed worthy of your attention before you head out into retail madness tomorrow. We don't have time to run full reviews on everything, so instead we've got a few little capsule reviews for you to munch on.
I must confess a certain weakness for Lady Gaga. Oh, I don't care about her music one way or the other (although "Poker Face" is a decent pop song), but I'm constantly entertained by her videos and stage performances. The woman is clearly either an avant garde genius or a complete nutjob. Either way, it's worth watching.
Her latest video, "Bad Romance," feature a cameo from a certain video game controller, although blink and you might miss it. Still, it's enough justification for me to post it.
Happy Halloween, everyone. I hope your costume displays as much flair as our good friend (and former Joystick Division writer) Chris Ward´s does. Personally I´m far too lazy to put this much effort into a costume, which is why I´m always impressed with people who actually follow through on these projects. Enjoy the video and your Halloween parties, everyone! Video taken from Chris´s hilarious World of Ward Crap webpage.
Sony has several very strong things going for it right now, such as the price cut and the PS3 Slim and Uncharted 2, a game so well-liked that it's killing me that I haven't played it yet. Then there's Sony's new "It Only Does Everything" ad campaign, which is just killin' it. The latest ad is above, and I think you'll get a kick out of it. After all, it features a "VP of Epic Footage."
What is the origin of this highly suggestive image you ask?Why it's a fellatio emporium in Japan's red light district. COME ONE, COME ALL!
Want to see some other NSFW images of the old gal? Then head on over to former Joystick Division writer Chris Ward's terrifyingly awesome World of Ward Crap blog to learn the horrible truth. You've been warned.
This video is like the perfect storm of video game commercials. It's weird, features a J-Pop soundtrack and a hot woman dressed as a video game character. It's not as titillating as some Japanese game commercials, but something told me you folks would still want to see it.
On October 10th, hordes of the undead will appear in Minneapolis. They will appear by the thousand, with only one thing on their rotting minds. No, not human flesh. Beer. This Saturday is the 5th Annual Zombie Pub Crawl, the original and largest zombie pub crawl in the the world. Starting at Gold Medal Park at 4 PM, over 5,000 zombies will march through the West Bank of downtown and partake in beer, bands, undead karaoke and more.
Now, this isn't strictly video game news, but somehow I thought it would be of interest to many gamers. After all, we've shot so many zombies over the years, isn't it time for a truce? If you're in Minneapolis this weekend, why not join a zombie for a drink and start the great Zombie/Human peace treaty of 2009? Or maybe you're a zombie yourself. If so, you really have no excuse not to go.
Maxim isn't the first place I think of for fun video game lists, but writer Jesse Thompson has put together a fun slate of awesome, overlooked sports video games. As you can probably tell by the total lack of sports game coverage on this site, they're not exactly our thing. But I love how this list reminded me of those rare instances where I've played a sports game and actually enjoyed it. Although I have to dock Jesse a point for excluding Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball. I know it sucked, but that doesn't mean I didn't play it for hours.
Ahh, The Matrix franchise, how far you've fallen. Over the weekend, MMO The Matrix Online shut down for good, putting another nail in the coffin of The Matrix as a gaming franchise. Although my interest in the series was killed by the second and third movies, my heart goes out to those Matrix Online players who stuck with the game until its very last day. MMO site Massively has a photo gallery chronicling the final day of The Matrix Online and the last group of players to enter the Matrix. You can check it out here.
Like a good and proper nerd, I'm heading out to the San Diego Comic Con today to bring you some fine photos like the one above, as well as some hands-on impressions of games and other such goodies. I may or may not be posting later tonight, but check back all weekend for our Comic-Con coverage!
This will be my last post on the OWSS09 project, I promise. But I had a few more thoughts on the experience over the weekend. Now that I've finished all three games, I had some realizations about the genre and why it has such a wide appeal, as well as why some players just don't get into open-world games.
Obviously, open-world games aren't popular because the offer the most geographical space. "More" only equals "better" when there's more to do, not just more places to visit. A good open-world game does (or should do) three things successfully: World-building, Offers Tactical Freedom, and Creates Chaos. Now these aren't the only things an open-world game does (GTA IV got a lot of praise for its story, for example), but these are three aspects that most open-world games do well, and between the three of them, they help explain the popularity. They bring a lot to the table, and thus different aspects help them appeal to a wide audience. Here's how the three contenders stack up on these different aspects.
World Building: Both Infamous and Red Faction do a great job of bringing you into the game world. Infamous features a convincing decimated city where every building and street feels real. Red Faction's Martian setting is similarly convincing, but I'd have to give the edge to Infamous for the sheer density of its world. Creating a convincing (semi) real world environment is a tougher task than building a sparse Martian landscape in my mind.
Tactical Freedom: This may be the weakest point of all three games. All three games feature missions that force you to stick to pretty rigid paths, and all three have moments that let your imagination run wild. But I'd have to give the edge to Red Faction, even though so much of it devolves into "go here and blow this up." I was discussing the game over the weekend with another player who also just finished it, and we quickly determined that we'd completed several missions in entirely different ways. Where I had leveled a building to kill some targets, he'd rigged their cars with explosives to ensure they didn't get away.
Creation of Chaos: The winner of this category is Prototype, hands down. In Infamous you can permanently rid areas of enemies, lowering the madness level. In Red Faction, causing damage brings down the same Martian enforcers time and again. Only Prototype lets you slice down hundreds of characters in seconds, throw tanks at helicopters and eat soldiers and wear their skin as a disguise. Prototype is at its best when you wallow in its madness.
So there you have it, my final thoughts on OWSS09. I hope this experiment was of some interest to you folks out there in JD land. If so, maybe next year will see OWSS10! Or not.
Note: With compliance of the FTC's new guidlines on blogs, all three games were reviewed based on final boxed product provided by the publishers.
At long last, it is finished. With today's review of Red Faction, I have completed all three of this summer's big open-world games. To recap, here are your scores:
Prototype: 3 out of 5 Infamous: 4 out of 5 Red Faction Guerrilla: 5 out of 5
Despite a spread across the three games, all three are solid games that I'd easily recommend to certain gamers. Even Prototype, the lowest-scoring game, is a great fit for that type of player who thrives on the frantic police chases of the GTA games. Infamous is one of the best PS3 games to date, and I'd recommend it to any PS3 owner without hesitation. And while Guerrilla is the best-scoring game, it's not going to be for everyone (see review below). But overall, each is a fine game in its own right. When I started this project, I didn't expect to have as much fun as I did, as I tend to play more linear games than these normally.
So what did I learn from this experience? First of all, that I'm an idiot. All three of these games are huge, and I could still be playing any one of them. Had I taken on only one, I probably could have completed more of the side missions/achievements/etc. I also learned not to tackle such an ambitious review project in the summer, when there other things to do besides playing games. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go outside now. Haven't seen the sun in a while.
Okay, so this video really has very, very little to do with gaming. There's a Guitar Hero controller in it, and that's about it. it's hilarious, so you should watch it. But think about this: Only a few short years ago, only hardcore gamers would recognize a Guitar Hero controller if it appeared in a late night skit. Now you've got them appearing as props on Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Fallon demoing Project Natal on his show. It's happening whether you like it or not, folks. Gaming is going mainstream.
At the end of last week's episode of Zero Punctuation, motormouthed game review Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw challenged the developers of Infamous and Prototype to produce mock-up images of the other game's protagonist in drag. Behold, the terrifying results.
Man, OWSS09 is simply killing me. Infamous is done (review here), Prototype is about 80% complete, and Red Faction is about halfway in the bag. Of course, I brought this all upon myself, although a dead Xbox certainly hasn't helped the speed of this project. But while we're waiting, what's your take on these games? I suspect few of you are playing all three at the same time, because you're all much smarter than me, but I know many of you are playing one or two of them. So what's your take? Let's hear your thoughts in the comments secion.
Want to know why gamers have a reputation for being immature? It's because of stuff like this G4 segment. Of course, by posting it here, I'm just playing right into their hands. You win this round, G4.
I'm really not the type of guy to buy replica swords, I prefer to leave that to my cosplay obsessed brethren. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's a time and a place for everything. It's just I don't bust out my Ichigo "Bleach" outfit with my trusty Zanpakutō unless I'm at an anime convention and am expecting to land a night with a slightly fugly iteration of Rukia. But enough about my sex life (or lack thereof).
What we have here ladies and gentlemen is probably the most exiting cosplay accessory that we've seen in quite a while. Nero's sword, "Red Queen" (from Devil May Cry 4) is one of the most badass pieces of replica fakery you'll ever lay your eyes on. You'll have the ladies (and some men) swarming upon your person uncontrollably if you wielded this thing in full costume at your next cosplay meetup. I'm sure some of you might be a little disappointed to find out that the Red Queen isn't life sized, but at 42" long, do you really need it to be?
Created by United Cutlery, well known amongst the fantasy sword wielding crowd; this sword is really pretty sweet. Word is that Capcom is premiering this bad boy at Comic-Con as an exclusive. But if you're really a hardcore DMC fan or just need a cosplay sword that doubles as a chick magnet, then you can vie for one in an auction on the Bud K catalog site. It will cost you no less than 280 dispatched evil souls for this one.
I am honestly happy about the respect being shown Michael Jackson after his death. Personal issues and legal troubles aside, the guy was a really talented person and he wrote some truly amazing music. Without him, we never would have had the Moonwalker video game or this totally not dated report on the game. Watch and be transported to a simpler time, back when MJ was known for his talent, Sega made consoles, and Mary Hart's hair looked like a poodle.
Hey folks. There's not a ton to share on my massive OWSS09 project, largely because the sudden demise of my 360 has put me solidly behind schedule on the project. That being said, I've been making forward momentum on all three games, thanks to occasional access to friends' 360s and a PS3 that works just fine. Make your own joke about under-use here.
Infamous: I'm trying to focus primarily on the story missions, and even still I feel like there's a lot of game ahead of me. I'm currently stuck on a mission that tasks me to protect an armored bus. It's the only mission so far that's given me a real challenge, as Infamous does a really nice job of steadily increasing your powers. Also, I'm apparently playing on Hard, as determined by the game. After a few intro missions, the game sets difficulty for you based on your performance.
Red Faction: Red Faction: Guerrilla, despite its nifty innovations like the destruction engine, also feels the most rooted in the Grand Theft Auto formula. While I'm not a big fan of GTA, I'm simply loving Red Faction. I could do without all the "drive here to start mission" bullshit, but that's really all I don't like about the game. The destruction tech is amazing, and Guerrilla gives you a lot flexibility on how you can achieve your goals of liberating sections of Mars. You can completely ignore missions and focus on destroying your enemy's property to lower their control of an area, which is brilliant. It's a game that's fun - something that's forgotten in too many games.
Prototype: I have the least time invested into Prototype, and so far I haven't discovered anything that I really love about it. Many people seem to dig its free-roaming chaos, but that hasn't done much for me yet, and neither has the story. But I still have literally dozens of powers to unlock, so there's a good chance I'll come across something that tickles my fancy. We'll see.
Here's another example of why gamers are awesome. Behold, Resident Evil 3's Raccoon City recreated in as a Left 4 Dead mod. Zombies X Zombies = Double Badass. Check out the mod's official site here.
Thanks to a loaner Xbox, I've finally gotten a chance to check out our third and final entrant in the OWSS09 competition: Prototype. Honestly, Prototype was probably the game I was looking forward to the most of the three, largely because I loved Radical's last open-world game, The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction. Unfortunately, Prototype is, thus far, my least favorite. I don't want to compare the three games just yet and I'm very early into Prototype's campaign, but so far I'm not wowed.
The first hour of Prototype consists of small chunks of gameplay sandwiched between lots of cutscenes, menus and loading screens. I'm sure this will improve as the game goes on, so I'm not ready to dock it any points just yet. The graphics seem a lot shakier than I expect given some of the gorgeous screens I've seen, and I've already run into a handful of bugs. But on the plus side, I love the sprint move, which automatically hurdles you over anything in your way (including cars and buildings), and the jump mechanic that worked so well in Ultimate Destruction is back here and every bit as fun. Overall, I'm willing to give Prototype the benefit of the doubt - after all, I thought Infamous started slowly as well, but it later blossomed into a great game.
While you're waiting for me to get my 360 fixed so I can post my reviews, here's Cnet's Dan Ackerman on the differences between Infamous and Prototype, in handy chart form.
Infamous vs.
Prototype
Infamous
Prototype
NYC-inspired open city environment
Yes
Yes
Mysterious terrorist attack causes military to seal off
the city
Yes
Yes
General chaos in streets/breakdown of public order
Yes
Yes
Protagonist searching for answers as to why he suddenly
has superpowers
Yes
Yes
Required to fight both the military and mutated bad guys
Yes
Yes
Said superpowers upgradeable by earning XP
Yes
Yes
Can scale the sides of buildings, glide through the air, and jump really far
Yes
Yes
Drop by your friend's house to pick up missions
Yes
Yes
Dubious ethical choices required
Yes
Yes
City is fully populated with people you can't talk to and
cars you can't drive
As if playing massive open-world games wasn't time-consuming enough. So last night I was minding my own business, playing Red Faction so I can bring you good people a review in the most timely fashion possible. I'm not exactly a super-speedy reviewer, and I'm hip-deep in my most ambitious review program ever. So naturally, this is the perfect time for my Xbox to red ring. Again. Time for XBox number five. Sigh.
Well folks, look for Infamous to be the first OWSS09 contender to get a full review. Prototype and Red Faction reviews will follow just as soon as I have a working console. Oh Microsoft, gotta love your hardware.
I've now had a chance to check out two of the summer's bit open-world games now that I've played through the opening chunk of Infamous and now Red Faction: Guerrilla. As with Infamous, its far too early to pass judgment on Red Faction, but overall it's off to a strong start.
If Infamous is a super-powered Assassin's Creed, then Red Faction: Guerrilla is a sci-fi Grand Theft Auto. As part of a rebel group on Mars, Red Faction changes you with rolling around the planet and destabilizing the evil EDF's hold on an area, which is accomplished by completing missions and blowing stuff up. Completing side missions opens up story missions, and when you complete enough of those the bad guys move out of the area. I dig this territory control aspect, but the real star of Red Faction is the must-discussed destruction.
Pretty much anything can and will get blown up in this game. You don't have to wait long until you destroy your first building, and watching stuff crumble is immensely satisfying. I haven't gotten to the more advanced destruction yet (like weakening bridge supports), but so far taking stuff down is a blast (haha). However, most missions seem to rely on it. Will overuse of its gimmick make Red Faction wear thin? It very well might. I guess we'll see.
My first contender in the Open-World Superhero Smackdown 2009 (OWSS09) showed up in my mailbox yesterday: Infamous by Sucker Punch. I've had a chance to sink a couple hours into it now, and early word is good. I have yet to check out Red Faction or Prototype, so it's too early to say who will take the crown as the OWSS09 champion, but Infamous started the competition out on a good foot.
Honestly, Infamous isn't quite what I expected it to be. I was expecting more of a gritty Crackdown, but what I got was a super-powered Assassin's Creed. You're not an indestructible building-leaping tank in this game; you're a parkour artist with some special powers, yet still quite mortal. My favorite aspect of Infamous thus far is how restrained the climbing is. Unlike Crackdown, if you want to reach the roof, you need to climb. Unlike Assassin's Creed, scaling a structure doesn't feel automated - your character doesn't simply find a route up a wall. You need to figure it out, making every building feel like a puzzle. I've leveled up a couple powers so far, but I'm hoping I never improve my climbing ability to the point that I don't have to think about it anymore. It's what I like best about the game at this point, but we'll see how that changes as our little competition continues.
In the last few weeks, there have been three high-profile open-world games starring people with extraordinary destructive abilities: Infamous, Red Faction Guerrilla, and Prototype (on sale today). Each has something about it that's interesting, be it environment destruction, branching stories, or shapeshifting mayhem. Like many of you, I couldn't decide which of these games to play.
So I decided to play them all.
Starting this week, I'll be updating you with impressions of these three games, with final reviews as soon as I can get to them. Three huge games, only one me. I haven't even started them, and I already think that I may be crazy. I guess we'll see.
EDIT: A friend just told me that a story about games I'm going to play isn't interesting. I suppose that's hard to argue. But if I disappear off the face of the Earth, at least now you'll all know why.
Like most of you, I didn't go to E3 this year. They wanted me to come, but they said that I couldn't bring my Bengal Tiger with me. I don't go anywhere without Sir Stripeyton, so I stayed home with my cat, an internet connection, and 40 pounds of raw tapir meat. Now that the show is done and I've caught up on all that went down there, I present Joystick Division's Totally Legitimate Best of E3 Awards!
Nintendo and Sony both held their E3 press conferences today, and I'll have the videos of both up for you fine folks tomorrow. Sony debuted its long-rumored motion controller, as did Microsoft yesterday. Both technologies look cooler than anything the Wii can do, but can either company create software for their devices that connects with audiences the same way Nintendo does? I doubt it.
Overall, Sony's conference was decent, with glimpses of God of War 3, MAG, Gran Turismo 5, and the surprise announcement of Final Fantasy XIV. Nintendo, however, shit the bed. They showed off a few new titles that will please fans (like a new Team Ninja Metroid game and Super Mario Galaxy 2). But it was sandwiched between too much self-congratulatory crap singing the praises of Wii Motion Plus, DSi's sales and the Wii Fit Phenomenon. And then there was the completely surreal Wii Vitality Sensor...
Okay, so here's the deal, folks. I was worried that JD's coverage was getting a little too next-gen-centric, so I've been making an effort to cover more stuff for the Nintendo platforms. Sometimes its easy to do so, when I'm reviewing a solid DS game or covering a Wii sequel that seems to be going in a daring newdirection. But then sometime, you get... this.
Sorry Wii, sorry Sega. I'd love to love you both, but sometimes you just make it so goddamn hard.
It wasn't long ago that I shared a trailer that made me instantly want to play FEAR 2, but this video for Let's Tap had exactly the opposite effect on me. Not only do I never want to play this game, but I can't imagine why anyone would. And is it just me, or does the dad in this video look like the evil genie from Wishmaster?
This just in. John Madden, the face and voice for the last 167 years, has retired. In a show of solidarity, EA has announced that their long-running Madden NFL series will be retired along with it. "We simply couldn't keep the series going without him," said EA spokeperson Dirk Longwood. "After all, John's the main attraction for most players. That's why we include an unlockable Madden swimsuit pictorial in every game."
When asked for comment, Madden stated that he plans to make the jump to EA rival Activison Blizzard by joining World of WarCraft as a football-obsessed troll.
I've heard a lot of people talking about this game, and all of them seem to be excited about it. While I do understand that the folks at Platinum Games have some serious pedigree behind them (the creators have worked on games like Devil May Cry, Resident Evil, Viewtiful Joe and Okami), everything about this title makes me go "Ugh...seriously?"
In case you have taste and haven't been following this game, here's a detailed list of why it's retarded. No, I haven't played it, but hey, this is the internet! Since when do you need to have facts to form an opinion online?
Before Anton left for the week, he left his keys under the Joystick Division Headquarters doormat along with the following note:
Gary,
Just a few reminders:
1) Water my fern, and sing it a lullaby on Tuesday and Thursday. I don't care if you think it's dumb, I read a study.
2) None of your "parties". On that note: leave the petty cash alone. We don't have a category in the chart of accounts for "A little bit of p" for your "d".
3) Post the weekly Fan Art column.
Otherwise: there's beer in the fridge, don't worry about the cat's litterbox, and just know I might've installed nannycams anywhere.
A. Gordon
Admittedly reasonable, modest expectations overall. Alas, I blew the first two almost immediately... so I figure I should at least get #3 done, or I'll never hear the end of it.
Click on through for a selection of the lamest, weirdest, worst and most sexually disturbing Street Fighter fan art around!
It's been a little quiet around JD the last couple of days, and next week looks like it will be as well. My day job as international superspy/fashion model/auto racer has been keeping me busy, and I'll be gone all next week. But I'll be back on the 13th, and you might see a few familiar faces around these parts while I'm gone.
There's a lot of exciting news out there in the video game world today. Big announcements have come pouring out about Metal Gear, Killzone 2, Dragon Quest, the 360, the PS3, the Wii and more. The problem is that it's all bullshit. Happy April Fools Day, everyone. Make sure you keep the date in mind for anything and everything you read today.
In last week's Prince of Persia edition of Weekly Fan Art, I ended with a call for suggestions on what series I should tackle in the future. Smash Bros. was the first thing shouted out, and man, what a subject it turned out to be. You see, the recipe for a quality WFA is a combination of shitty drawings (obviously), "chibi" versions of characters, crossovers with Sonic the Hegdehog for some reason, and a healthy dose of homoeroticism. The Smash Bros. fan community delievered on all fronts, with the exception of the Sonic crossover nonsense, because he's already in the game. I could probably use Smash Bros. for a subject for weeks, and the giant fire-shitting Bowser above only scratches the surface of what you're about to see.
Aww yeah. What's the best way to start your week off right? Coffee and donuts? Hookers and an eight ball? If you answered "Weekly Fan Art, of course!" then you have serious problems. I don't know about you, but this column makes me cry every time. Then again, I do have to clear my search history every time I put one of these together, so my wife doesn't inadvertently discover that I was looking at pictures of Scorpion sucking Sub-Zero's dick. I wish I was kidding. Anyway, this week's entry on the Prince of Persia is mercifully fellatio-free!
One of my personal favs, Mitch Krpata, has posted an indispensable guide to sniping in Killzone 2 over at his blog Insult Swordfighting. Read it and improve your game 110%.
On March 8th,
GameCyte.com announced it was no more. Anton Gordon brought the notice to my
and alumnus Chris Ward's (who's happily and hilariously serving at
WorstCartoonsEver, go visit sometime) attention, and we couldn't help but be a
little extra interested since, the way I see it anyway, GameCyte and Joystick
Division are interesting footnotes in each other's biographies.
So, if you ever read video game blogs, you're probably already aware that Resident Evil 5 was released today. Because I have a time machine and can travel into the future*, I've been playing it for a few days now and hope to have a review up early next week. But I'll tell you know that you should probably go buy. That's largely because it's a very good game, but also because the release schedule looks... a little bare for the next few months. Sure, there are some interesting smaller games here and there, but Resident Evil 5 looks like the last Triple-A game for the next few months. Let's hear your impressions, folks!
*Or Capcom sent me a copy. I forget which. Time travel is horrible for your memory.
The topic of PlayStation 3-exclusive software has been on my mind lately. Maybe because I just reviewed Killzone 2, or because of the heated conversation about God of War III's ability to move consoles. Or perhaps because Gary's recommendation really made me want to play Valkyria Chronicles. Whatever the reason, PS3 exclusives are on my mind. Maybe that's why I think MLB 09: The Show might be the PS3's sleeper hit.
Now, I don't really play sports games, so I couldn't fairly compare MLB 09 to any other baseball title. But in doing my daily game site browsing, I kept seeingthetitlepopup. It's neck and neck on Metacritic with Killzone 2. So what do you think, folks? Can a sports title like MLB 09 be considered a "killer app?" Would the world's best baseball game be enough to get you to buy a console I don't know? Please educate this poor non-sports gamer on how much these games mean to you.
I've reached the end of Killzone 2's campaign but still need to sink more time into the multiplayer, making this the perfect time for another Battle Report. Having reached the end of Killzone's brisk campaign, my mind is more or less made up on the single-player experience. As I said in Battle Report #1, Killzone 2 is a remarkably solid game. But to me, it takes more than being solid to achieve greatness.
Many of my quibbles with Killzone 2 come down to matters of personal taste. For example, I prefer the campaign to have an ebb and flow, the core action peppered with slower moments and bits of gameplay that shake up the core game mechanics. The last two Call of Duty games did this quite well, as did the venerable Resident Evil 4. But Killzone 2 is straight-up action from beginning to end, with little variation and only rare moments that break up the standard gameplay. While it's not my taste, I can understand why some gamers would crave this. After all, why would you buy an FPS if not to shoot copious amounts of bad guys?
I also would have preferred more variety in the weaponry. I spent about 90% of the game with one variation of a machine gun or another, and most of the other guns wouldn't feel out of place in a WWII game. The only truly unique guns are the Helghast electricity gun and the bolt launcher, and neither shows up more than a couple of times. Then again, the electricity gun is so effective that it would be potentially game-breaking if it were more common.
Although I said I'd be covering multiplayer in this report, I'm apparently a filthy liar. I'll be saving that for the full review, which will be going up in the next couple of days.
This will be my last blurb on Street Fighter IV before my full-fledged review, which I'll try to get done by this weekend or early next week. "Why so long?" I hear some people saying. "Gamespot has had their review up for like 3 years!" A fair enough question... there are two reasons:
1) Unlike the Gamespots of the world, I got Street Fighter IV at retail on launch day like everyone else, and
2) I want to get as much time online and against friends as possible, because let's be real: that's where the meat of the game is.
Click through for thoughts on The Ken Problem (i.e., the fact every scrub, noob, chump and asshole online picks Ken and spends the entire match spamming fireballs and dragon punches), and my newly-budding romance with Blanka!
My copy of Killzone 2 arrived a little over a week ago, and I've been playing it every chance I have since then. I am by no means ready to review it, as I'm not quite at the end of the single-player campaign and I'd like to spend more time with the multiplayer. But given the massive interest in this title, I wanted to get some initial thoughts up ahead of the review.
I really have to wonder how many people are on the fence about Killzone. The game has attracted a devoted following ever since the unveiling of the much-discussed E3 2005 footage, and after such a long wait, I'd have to assume that most gamers who were salivating for the game have already bought it. Has it been worth the wait? Read on.
I almost let this one slip by. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li opens in theaters today. Of course, it's going to be somewhat hard to find, opening on only 1,000 screens. For comparison, recent Best Picture winner Slumdog Millionaire is playing on 3,000. Anyone going? The lack of reviews on Metacritic is not a good sign. Could it possibly be that the Van Damme version is better?
Holy crap, did someone declare second Christmas and not tell me? After a bit of a lull during January, it feels like we're back in full-blown mega-game onslaught. I just finished Halo Wars, and jumped right into Killzone 2 (review soon-ish). My copy of Prinny: Can I Really Be the Hero? just showed up, as did FEAR 2. I've also got Afro Samurai and 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand (Hey, I hear it's good!) on the way, and unfinished copies of about a half-dozen other games lying around. And to top it all off, Resident Evil 5 is just over two weeks away.
What are you folks playing these days? Is your backlog piling up as quickly as mine is?
As a kid watching Michael Jackson turn into a werewolf on MTV, I never could've imagined all the twists and turns his life would take in the following quarter century. I kinda suspect he didn't see them coming either - especially the bit about having to sell off all the outrageous crap he's accumulated over the years to, you know, eat.
But in late April, that's exactly what's happening: piles and piles of Jackson's possessions are being sold to the highest bidder. The catalogs have been posted online, and let me assure you: they're fascinating. Some of the furniture this guy has looks like it was pulled out of a pharaoh's tomb. Best mindless surfing I've done in a long time.
So why is this here, on Joystick Division? Well apparently - and unsurprisingly - Jackson had a full-sized arcade at Neverland, because one of the five catalogs is almost entirely that sort of thing: pinball, air hockey, those awful "skill"-based prize machines - and yes: many, many arcade games.
Some good ones, actually... and seemingly in very good condition. The ones that caught my eye: a Ms. Pac-Man/Galaga cocktail, Super Street Fighter II, the full-sized sit-down Galaxy Force, Donkey Kong and Mortal Kombat, in addition to a few "ultracade" type machines that play practically everything. The estimates they've set are also fairly reasonable, though I wonder if people will pay more for Michael Jackson's Lethal Enforcers or Michael Jackson's Virtua Racing.
But seriously guys: can you imagine owning an arcade game that was in Michael Jackson's house?
And am I the only one who would give it a thorough wiping down first? Nothing's worse than a Dig Dug that smells like Jesus Juice and boyflesh.
Interesting to see how it's being slightly re-branded for the Wii's less hardcore, more casual audience!:
Sorry... I just couldn't help myself.
In all seriousness: I'm going to take the minority position and say a Wii version of Dead Space has the potential to be not just as good as the 360 or PS3 versions, but better. Sure, not in terms of graphics (getting it to look as good as Resident Evil 4 does would be acceptable), but in terms of gameplay Dead Space is a natural fit on the Wagglebox. Think how much easier will it be to surgically slice off limbs when you can twist the Wiimote with your wrist for specific angles (rather than cycling through angles via a button).
Oh, and if you're interested: click on through for a sweet Joystick Division wallpaper featuring Wii Isaac, or as I dubbed him: "Miisaac".
But I'll get to that in a second - first, a thought experiment: Let's say the American arcade scene is moribund at best. And let's say, in spite of this, you release a highly-anticipated game into that scene like SFIV. Now let's say you release a home version in a few months with home-exclusive characters. Haven't you effectively driven a stake into the heart of your arcade unit?
Back in the day, Capcom had it the other way around: First there was the arcade SFII, and when the arcade SFII: Championship Edition came out, then they released SFII on consoles. When SFII:CE came to consoles Capcom released SFII: Hyper Fighting in the arcade, and when that finally came home Capcom rolled out Super Street Fighter II in the arcade, and so on. Basically, there was always a reason to go back to the arcade; they weren't sending people home for good.
Now I understand the arcade ecology isn't robust enough these days to do it that way, but it does make me wonder if, once the console port hits, Capcom will update their cabs to include the home characters. If not... what'll be the point anymore?
Thoughts on El Fuerte and E. Honda(!), along with videos, after the jump.
A friend of mine sent this story my way this morning. It seems an Indiana woman is reporting that her daughter's copy of Baby Pals for Nintendo DS contains the message "Islam is the light." What's more, this is the second toy she's purchased that's contained the exact same message! Sounds like Mohammad is personally going after her kids.
The first link has a report on the story, as well as video of the original news broadcast that broke this shocking news. Both the mom in question and the reporter seem horrified and offended that a game that's rated E would contain the word "Islam." Based on their reaction, you'd think the game spews radioactive waste and AIDS blood.
Personally, all I hear is a babble that kinda-sorta sounds like the aforementioned phrase - it could easily be "it's it's a light" or "pizza is all right." And would this story even have been reported if the baby said something like "Jesus is the light?"
Happy Inauguration Day, America. This is your President, John Henry Anton... oh, sorry. I've been spending too much time in Fallout 3's bleak, bombed-out version of Washington DC. What I meant to say is that Joystick Division congratulates President Barack Obama on his inauguration today and regrets that we can't be there in person to witness this moment in history. That's because I'm one of those fatties that needs two seats on an airplane, and who has that kind of money in today's economy? If you're like me and you'd like to celebrate the occassion but aren't one of the millions who phyiscally descended on the capital, here's how you can visit DC without leaving the house. After the jump is a list of games that have featured Washington DC as an in-game setting. It's your patriotic duty to play one of them today!
After learning only a day or two ago there was a SF4 arcade cabinet in Arizona, I decided to take a field trip to the AZ Mills Gameworks to check it out.
First things first: I can't tell you how disappointing Gameworks is for someone who came of age during the era of seedy corner arcades. It's hard to explain what the American arcade scene was like to people who are too young to remember it... suffice it to say: Gameworks is a very sterile interpretation of it. While there were a few massive family-friendly arcades back then (usually attached to a miniature golf park or something), more often they were dank, grimy little dens that had more in common with a dive bar (or at best, a pool hall). When I used to play SF2 in high school, I was typically surrounded by scary older kids who set ashtrays on the cab and smoked as they played, fistfights broke out in the parking lot every night, and the noise was so deafening all you could ever really make out in the din was - sometimes - the Mortal Kombat announcer demanding you FINISH HIM. The carpet looked like it was collected from an Indian casino, there was no lighting beyond the glow of the screens, and the whole place smelled of adolescent male B.O. and ozone.
In short: it was paradise. If they added strippers to the mix I never would've left.
In lieu of this, walking into Gameworks and seeing little girls bouncing up and down on Dance Dance Revolution while their parents have a chef salad upstairs is still a little jarring for me. They do have one little corner of the second floor stocked with older titles in faux-wood cabs - a Mario Bros., a Tetris, a Missile Command - but even if you just try and focus on that little nook, you're not fooled, it's not the same. I might as well take my Vietnam vet father to the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland and ask him if it reminds him of Southeast Asia.
Okay, that's enough "Back in my day..." stuff. Back to Street Fighter 4...
Gary and I are different in a lot of ways. He knows what a "shoto player", while that kind of crap makes my eyes glaze over. I'm more into shooters and American developed games, and only one of us has Voltron pajamas. I'll let you figure out which one. But probably the biggest difference between us is that I'll accept games from publishers, while Gary doesn't. Morals or something. This is all a long-winded way of saying that a copy of Skate 2 showed up at the Anton-plex last night. My initial reactions after the jump!
I realized today that most of my adult life has been spent anticipating the release of some miscellaneous bit of geekery, and have been celebrating 3 or 4 nerd Christmas Eves a year for decades now.
I'll give examples: the first I can remember was the anticipation of Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. If hype can be orchestrated, Nintendo of the late 80s was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, stringing along fans of the original for years with little breadcrumbs - the occasional screenshot in Nintendo Power, a map of the first dungeon months before the game even was released, dubious "chip shortages" delaying the game further - until kids like me were planning a Heat-like heist on Nintendo of America HQ just to get a copy. Eventually Adventure of Link finally landed, but some new game replaced it, and I've pined away for some game, one after another, ever since. This extends to movies, too. For more than a decade I've been in a state of perpetual anticipation, first for Star Wars prequels, then for the Lord of the Rings films, then for Batman movies, now for Watchmen and The Hobbit.
Philosophically, it's a horrendous, poisonous way to approach life, always waiting for things, always fixated on a future event rather than the present. But it's such a normal part of my life as a geek it's hard to imagine being any other way.
That being the case: I've composed a list of the Q1 2009 games I'm obsessing over (in chronological order). Click through to see mine and add your own.
Here's a funny little web tool that was sent my way: the Unofficial Microsoft Points Converter. Like web-based currency converter XE.com, you simply enter a number of Microsoft Points, and it converts it to real world money. The results are given in several currencies, so you can see how the points are valued in dollars, pounds, euros, and more.
The site also lays out how much it would cost you to buy chunks of content. Purchasing everything available on the Xbox Live Marketplace will run you $9,452.19
Welcome to the first installment of what promises to be a horrifying regular feature here on Joystick Division! Inspired by our much more frequently-updated sister site Topless Robot and its emotionally scarring Fan Fiction Friday column, I bring you Weekly Fan Art! Celebrating the lamest, weirdest and most vomit-inducing video game fan art, I figured I'd start things off with the biggest game mascot of all time: Mario. There are literally thousands of Mario art pieces out there, including some which are truly very cool. These, however, are not cool at all. Hit the jump to revel in the shittiness!
Courtesy of Play-Asia, I now am the proud owner of Tatsunoko vs. Capcom: Cross Generation of Heroes for the Nintendo Wii... which, as an import title, I cannot play* on my North American Wii.
The sad thing is: I knew this when I bought the game. But I have a history of buying games I can't actually play just because they were games I had to own. Other examples: Phantasy Star: Generation 1 and 2, Gunstar Heroes Treasure Box, and a Street Fighter II JAMMA board.
Among many others.
Anyone else suffer from this peculiar weakness?
*: I understand there may be a way to play this game on my Wii, via some sort of shennanigans with Twilight Princess... must do research. If someone knows where to point me, drop a note in the comments.
To help ease the aching void in my soul left by all games that aren't Fallout 3, I picked up Sega's much-maligned Incredible Hulk game the other day. I figured something mindless and disposable might be what the doctor ordered, and I loved its spiritual predecessor, Hulk: Ultimate Destruction. I fired it up, expecting the worst, and was pleasantly surprised to discover... it's not that bad. Sure, it's got a glitchy camera, some lame missions and spotty graphics, but the core gameplay is fun in a casual, low-stress kind of way. The Incredible Hulk certainly wouldn't have made onto my Best of 2008 list had I played it earlier, but I'm not regretting the $25 bucks I dropped on it either.
Note: If you're thinking of playing VC and/or haven't gotten to Chapter 7 yet, this post contains very minor SPOILERS.
As someone who's been a Sega fan since the SMS days (yes, I'm old), it's hard for me to admit I haven't really loved a Sega game for years and years. The last Sega game I really went bananas for was Skies of Arcadia*, and that was back in 2001. Other than the little thrill of seeing Green Hill Zone in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, it's been pretty sad since then. Sega is like the god of the Old Testament or George Lucas: rather than nurture they prefer to test the faithful, inflicting plagues, boils, poverty and even Gungans to see how devout they really are.
But then I found Valkyria Chronicles. Yummy.
While Anton was lost in Fallout 3's bleak horizon, my end of '08 and beginning of '09 has been spent playing VC. And even though I'm only about halfway through it, it's already a game I'd mention as a personal all-time favorite.
I've just come off days of trying to get through the most brutal map in the game so far, the Chapter 7 desert battle against Emperor Maximillian's ridiculous, factory-sized tank. After slipping through every battle prior with little trouble, I was stopped dead in my tracks by this one. It took me a half dozen failed attempts to finally eek out a narrow victory... but it was so pyrrhic I went ahead and reloaded anyway, just because I couldn't stomach all the (permanently) dead team members.
In shame, I finally turned to YouTube - and watched a much better player blow through the map with ease. I was dumbfounded, but also intrigued: I hadn't realized how shallow my understanding of the game was, or the number of strategies I had been totally ignorant about. Just watching the video has improved my game tenfold.
Anyway, this game is AWESOME - a must-have for any PS3 owner. And for other VCers having trouble with that sonofabitch in Chapter 7, I've linked the YouTube video.
*: Probably not coincidentally, Valkyria Chronicles came from the same crew that did Skies of Arcadia: Sega WOW, formerly AM1 and the brains behind the fucking awesome Streets of Rage and the even more fucking awesome Phantasy Star... so maybe I'm not a Sega fan at all, maybe I'm more precisely a Sega WOW fan.
Amidst questions like "Was the Secret Service in the other fucking room or something?" and "Doesn't it look like there had to be a second shoe-er?" (rimshot!), some people are finding... other ways to pass the time after Bush had a pair of size 10s hurled at him in Iraq: namely, making a Flash game of the event. You have a time limit, pick from a variety of non-deadly projectiles (e.g. a fish, an iPhone, an Elmo doll) and try to hit the leader of the free world for gold and points... er, just points actually.
Free tip from the tinfoil hat brigade: don't enter a name in the high score list. For all you know the fucking feds set up this game to see who plays it, and thus whose phone to tap and taxes to audit.
Normally I don't bother directing our readers to Penny Arcade, for two reasons: first, you should be going every day anyway; second, if I actually felt the need to alert you all every time there was something worth seeing over there, that would be the majority of our posts. But this simply couldn't pass.
Per their holiday tradition, the guys are thumbing through hundreds of photos of fanmade "dickerdoodles" - for the uninitiated, snickerdoodles in the shape of a cock - and Gabe (a.k.a. Mike Krahulik) has set up a gallery showing off a heap of the entries.
I have to say, I am shocked and delighted there are so many deeplydepraved gamers out there (and mesmerizingly game girlfriends/wives). I'm also fascinated by the apparent widespread familiarity with pornographic tropes, referenced in virtually every other picture - there's cookie deep throating, frosting facials, and even some sugary bukkake action.
I even saw a couple instances of bestiality.
You can see the debauchery HERE, but be warned: it's full-on pastry porn, some of it as dirty as anything you've ever seen save for the fact the onscreen phallus is flour, butter and sugar.
(P.S. You may be wondering why I would pixelate a cookie phallus in the pic above. It's actually because I think it makes it look even more dirty.)
So says the handy-dandy graphic at my Xbox.com account.
This experience is teaching how me heavily I lean on the 360 in terms of my gaming habits. I own every "active" platform, so I do have a Wii, PS3, DS and PSP sitting here to distract myself with... but I doan wanna. I want my 360.
Part of it is my backlog. If you're any kind of active gamer, you know the story: there's always a game or two or five you've had waiting in the wings - maybe still in the plastic wrap, maybe been sitting there for months - but you just never find time to get to it, mostly because New Games You Have To Have keep coming out.
Currently, I have a backlog of 1 game for the PS3, 1 game for the Wii, 2 games for the DS and 0 for the PSP. For the 360, though, I have 5. FIVE GAMES waiting to be played, which spiked since my 360 went on the fritz a few weeks ago - the problem is I keep buying the games I want, even though I don't actually have a 360.
(Just for trivia, the oldest title in my backlog is Tales of Vesperia.)
It's weighing heavily on my conscience. Every time I walk through my living room, I feel guilt. I find myself looking at Left 4 Dead and Prince of Persia the same way I do that set of dumbbells I bought 38 months ago and have not used in 37.
Still, I think it has value. It forces the respondent - assuming he's actually putting some effort into it - to seriously think about his job and how he does it. I'd love it if every reviewer filled it out, even if they didn't ultimately share their answers with readers (though I'd love to read everyone's)... I think it's a worthwhile exercise.
Anyway, I did it too (you can read it after the jump). And even if you aren't interested in my answers, you might be interested in the questions, as readers, thinking about what you'd hope a reviewer to say.
Richard Connelly over at the Houston Press' blog Hair Balls tipped us off about the ongoing lawsuit accusing Nintendo's little development piggies of stealing motion controller technology, and going "Wii, Wii, Wii" all the way home (and THAT, my friends, is the last Wii play on words in existence. Thank you, it's been a good run).
Whether or not Motiva, the company bringing the suit, are owed money or are simply lying seems trite next to this amazing quote from lawyer Mark Lanier, who attempts to rain soundbites like Spiny Eggs from his Lakitu cloud of ludicrous legality and ends up sounding like an idiot.
"Nintendo makes games where you get to play a thief, but that doesn't give them the right to be one," Lanier says.
Ho, HO! What a wicked bon mot! Except Nintendo has never, I believe, made a game (much less "games" in the plural) where you play a fucking thief.
Of, I could be wrong...Mario's kind of a dick for assuming all those coins are "finders keepers." Here are some obvious, gaming-accurate quotes this guy should have used to prove to Nintendo that he knows his shit:
1. "Nintendo steals patents the way Like-Likes steal Link's shield."
2. "As Motiva slept by the campfire, Nintendo snuck in with its rucksack and stole our patents. Unfortunately, even though we woke up and kicked the shit out of them with our Golden Axe until they fled, it was not enough."
3. "Nintendo stole our patent—but not to give to the poor, as in the Nintendo licensed version of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, which actually got the Nintendo Seal of Approval."
4. Donning a white mask and pink robe, Nintendo stole our patent right off our back...which made the most hideous, squalling sound every to come from a crying patent."
5. Think of our motion technology patent as a hamburger. Think of Nintendo as the 8-bit Hamburglar from the Nintendo game MC Kids. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I think you see where this is heading.
I have to confess: I've never been that big of a PS3 fan. Part of it is the hassle: it seems like every time I turn the damn thing on, I have to download an update, putting whatever I had in mind on hold for 30 minutes while it slowly goes about making some subtle change I usually never notice afterward. This makes me less inclined to turn the console on, which means longer spans of time go between turning it on, which means there's more likely to be some update when I finally do turn it on, which means my annoyance with the process is simply reinforced.
Add the facts that I'm not a fan of the DualShock's ergonomics, I don't find most PS3 exclusives that compelling, and my Achievement Whoredom slants me towards the 360 versions of multiplatform releases... so when I do boot up the PS3, it's more likely to watch a Blu-ray than play a game.
Today was different, finally tearing myself away from Fallout 3 (look for my review soon) and turning on my PS3 for the first time in... I don't even know how long (could it be months?), lured back by a particularly tempting duo in my backlog: LittleBigPlanet and Resistance 2. After a half hour of downloading and installing updates, I was ready to take my first few steps as Sackboy.
So while I've got the machine back in my gaming rotation: I saw tons of games I'm totally unfamiliar with in the PlayStation Store. Which are the gems I should be downloading and playing?
Inspired by Chris Ward's initial thoughts on Guitar Hero World Tour, I bring you Anton's introduction to Fallout 3! Like many of you, I picked up the Xbox 360 Collector's Edition of Fallout 3, the game certain to be in serious contender for Game of the Year honors. I've only got about an hour invested in it right now, but I'm already glad that I'm not the one reviewing it for the site. Already, the scope of the game is overwhelming. So far, I've crafted a character who looks a lot like Robert Downy Jr. in Tropic Thunder, battled oversized roaches, committed murder, donned stolen Vault guard gear and shook down a nervous prostitute for money. And I was planning to play as a good guy!
What about you, oh irradiated reader? How have you spent your first day in the nuclear wasteland?
Everybody knows what's happening this Friday. That's right, it's screening of "The Bamboo Flute" at the Kumar Shahani Film Festival! But for all you plebeians who lack what I like to call "fancy culture," it's also Halloween. Yes, it's once again that fabled night when children become panhandlers, sorority girls dress like sluts and throw up in the bushes, and nerds everywhere hit thrifts stores in search of parts for their homemade Marcus Fenix costumes. What say you, oh Joystick Divisionites? What video game-themed costumes are our millions of loyal readers planning to unleash upon the world? Let us know, or better yet - send us pics!
Kotaku has an interview up with Grace Kim, Playboy's Miss November. You may wonder how that's game-related, other than the fact that gamers tend to like the naked lady pictures. Well, it turns out that Ms. Kim left a plumb job as Activision's PR lead for the Guitar Hero series to pose for the magazine. You really don't need me to say anything else here, except that there's another sexy (sfw) photo below the jump.
MSNBC has a story up today about Tennis for Two, which is celebrating its 50th anniversary. Yep, you read that right: Tennis for Two was cobbled together by a nuclear physicist a half a century ago, in 1958. It uses an oscilloscope as a screen and you can hear the thing's guts clicking and whirring as you play (check out the video above, but try to ignore the weirdo music someone saw fit to add). If you're in NY, you can even go and see it for yourself tomorrow... see the MSNBC story for details.
This was a bit of a shock to me since A) I've always considered myself fairly knowledgeable when it comes to video game trivia, and B) I thought 1962's Spacewar! was the agreed-upon first video game ever. Turns out people have been lying to my ass. Reading up on this a little, it seems a tic-tac-toe game preceded even Tennis for Two (OXO, circa 1952) making it the earliest, however Wikipedia cautions: "there is a patent dating from 1947–1948 that describes a missile simulation game utilizing a cathode ray tube."
Well, I guess "video game history" is another thing I can add to my list of things I thought I understood but apparently don't. Some other recently added items:
The differences between the Senate and the House
The name of that one part under my car that's dragging on the ground
Sex
Baudrillard's Simulacra and Simulation
OXO (Windows version... in the original, you dialed your choices on a phone)
Ok, ok...these weren't emailed to me, they were found online at various gaming sites. But, with these gourds as your inspiration, there's still time to send your entries to joystickdivision@gmail.com for a chance at that sweet, sweet free loot
Though I've barely scratched the surface of it, I just wanted to drop in and say how giddy I am about Dead Space so far. Brilliant visuals, brilliant 5.1 sound, and - most of all - brilliant immersion, with not a single thing the player experiences that's outside of the "reality" of the game universe. There isn't even a HUD or inventory screen in the conventional sense.
This is a problem. With Fable II, Far Cry 2 and the newest DS Castlevania due next week, I really don't know how to fit in all this awesome gaming. Thank god LBP was at least delayed a week.
Ubisoft have unleashed some clever viral marketing on Amazon.com, offering up items for "sale" that could help you overthrow a small African country, such as a flamethrower, a glider, and even a mercenary. All of these items are, of course, promoting Ubi's new open-world shooter Far Cry 2. It's a clever little idea, but one that might lead to some consumer disappointment. After all, if I order a flamethrower, I expect a flamethrower to be delivered, dammit!
Props to Kotaku for discovering Ubi's online weapons cache.
We officially declare the end of "video game cake" season, and the beginning of Video Game Pumpkin season. Send your best video game pumpkin carving(s) to JoystickDivision@gmail.com, and the winner gets a special prize from all of us at Joystick Division! We can't promise it won't be a flaming bag of Nokia N-Gage phones on your doorstep. Man, those reek! We'll post the sweetest gourds leading up to Halloween, the bestest holiday of the year (suck it, Bastille Day).
RULES: One of the following items should be in the picture so we know you carved the pumpkin yourself and didn't just image search something (slacker): a gang sign, a cat, a joystick, a game controller, a Blue Pig Ganon, a copy of Aquaman for the Xbox or a picture of Billy Mitchell in an American Flag Tie.
Here's my entry, unsurprisingly. Happy carving, folks.
Playing Fracture for an upcoming review, the one thing that continues to disappoint me (well, one of a few things) is its woefully generic-to-the-point-of-cliche-bald-space-marine-with-sci-fi-football-pad-armor theme. Seriously guys: how do you pitch this look with a straight face anymore? I would be pretty ashamed to actually suggest at a board meeting: "Hey, we could make our main character a bald space marine, and set it in a dystopian near-future!" Christ, you fucking hacks! Have some self-respect!
*deep breath, count to ten*
At least Sarah Palin: Guardian of the Northern Frontier has a unique angle going for it. Click through to help Sarah shoot down incoming Russian missiles and occasionally bullseye the sundry moose. No shooting wolves from helicopters, though - maybe they're saving that for the sequel.
There's been a lot of talk lately on Joystick Division about the gaming press, largely about what a sorrystate it's in. A while ago, Gary, Chris and I discussed reviewing the various gaming magazines that are released every month, and I had that idea in mind when I discovered this:
The worst question EVER asked by a member of the gaming press.
Seriously.
Click the jump to read the worst example of game journalism you'll ever see.
So, my Bargain Hunting column hasn't been as regular as I would like. Perhaps I'm not getting enough fiber. But anyway, have I got some news for you fine folks! What's better than cheap games? Free games! Midway has released three free games on download sites like FileFront and Gamer's Hell: The Suffering, Area 51, and Rise and Fall: Civilizations at War. The Suffering is good, Area 51 is worth checking out for David Duchovney's hilariously sleepy voice work, and Rise and Fall is shit. But hey, they're all free!
THQ has also released the original Full Spectrum Warrior on FileFront, also for free. All games are obviously for PC only. I'm of the mindset that PC gaming is for snobs and French people, but I'm also of the mindset that almost any game is worth it for free. Cheapwads rejoice!
Got a lead on hot video game deals? Send 'em to antongordonwrites@gmail.com
Been playing Mercenaries 2 the past couple days, and so far, so good. To me it delivers something I was deeply annoyed GTA4 didn’t: freedom, in a big way. Specifically, the freedom to approach the challenges the game lays out for you in any number of ways rather than revoking player options for the sake of a mood, cinema, or scripted sequence. As I complained in my GTA4 review:
Why do I have to follow the biker gang on a motorcycle when a perfectly good car is right next to me?... If I know where someone is escaping to, why can’t I just go directly there and wait for him, rather than have to stay within 50 yards of his entire, erratic flight?
So far, Mercenaries 2 hasn’t done nearly as much of that. When you force players to play by the rules in a genre that’s built on the concept of being rule-free... um, there’s obviously something wrong with the formula there. (More after the jump!)
Due to some very positive, very flattering feedback on the illustrations I did for our Bionic Commando Rearmed discussion (which you can find HERE), I was persuaded to do some more, this time of a few Bionic Commando villains. Click on through for a peek, BC fans…
You may ask "Gary, what does this have to do with videogames?" Well I'll tell you: I'm retiring from gaming altogether to watch this video over and over until I die.
UPDATE: Apparently the video was yanked off YouTube for being a terms of use violation. I guess I'll stick with gaming, then... but if it shows up again, the retirement's back on!
Yesterday I went to GameStop to pick up Contra 4 to keep me busy on my flight to PAX. While I was there, I picked up Spider-Man 3 for Xbox 360 at the low, low price of $8. Yes, I know it sucks, but I've played the rest of the series and I'm a completist. Today I went to Target for some last minute supplies, and I noticed the Eye of Judgement bundle with camera was on clearance for $35. I didn't buy it, but I may snag it when I get back because Sony's got some cool stuff on the way for that camera (I could care less about the game).
Where do you folks go to hunt for video game bargains? Online? In stores? Gypsy Caravans? Send your best bargain hunting tips to antongordonwrites@gmail.com and I post the best ones here on the site to share with the world.
Summer is the time for game conventions. It's nice out, and it's hard to spend the entire day in the basement working your way through Strategy RPGs. So what better way to get out of the house and enjoy some social time than to head to one of the many fine game conventions held this time of year? Of course, E3 has come and gone with a whimper, it was too expensive to jet off to Germany for the Games Convention in Leipzig, and the Tokyo Game Show is out of the question. Too many Godzilla attacks. There's only one option left: don your finest cosplay and head for the Fifth Annual Penny Arcade Expo in Seattle!
I've spent the day burning incense and intoning softly muttered chants in preparation for Bionic Commando Rearmed, due on XBLA sometime late tonight. I'll be downloading it the moment it appears on the service, but I won't actually be playing tonight - not when I'd have to keep the volume low out of consideration for the sleeping girlfriend. No, I'll wake up early tomorrow like it's Christmas morning to play it first thing, 5.1 surround fully operational.
You might ask why I'd even bother downloading it tonight, then, if I'm not going to play it. Because I'm downloading it out of respect.
Bionic Commando is - for my money - the best game to ever appear on the NES, and easily makes my all time top 5 across all platforms. I recommended Nathan "Rad" Spencer as an addition to Super Smash Bros., and was happy to include him in our banner.
Meditation is key in readying oneself for a remake of the greatest game ever from the greatest console ever. You gotta get your chakras and chi and shit all wired tight, yo. If your mind and spirit aren't properly aligned on being humble and worthy for such a game, bad shit can happen. Like when that Hebrew accidentally touched the Ark of the Covenant and was struck dead. Don't download BCR casually or play it flippantly, lest
...oh yes: lest. You use words like lest and thy and thou and even verily when discussing things like Bionic Commando...
you find yourself transformed into a pile of charcoal briquettes in front of the TV.
Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm late for my mescaline enema.
When I wrote my original "4 Things Billy Mitchell Will Never Own" article---one of the original Joystick Division articles that put my enormous package on full display---I totally forgot to post one important item in my Pac-Man collection: the original Michael Kupperman artwork I got when I quit Wizard Magazine...
Jump for the story behind the artwork! You know you want it...
I know a lot of people loved the Pac-Man action movie trailer from a while back, but the guys that made this can have my babies. "We can kill this thing, we always could have. We just have to touch it." Finally, Clyde--the Screech Powers of the ghost faction--gets his heroic dues. And I can't deny that I'd like to introduce Dinky to the Pac-Man canon more often. Poor Dinky.
Sure, Xbox Live has had some great content in its time. Geometry Wars. Pac-Man Championship Edition. Reefer Madness. Naysayers can bitch about the $50 a year XBL costs, but talking like grown-ups: it's still the best online service around.
This opinion was cemented in my mind only 10 minutes into The Machine Girl, a Japanese straight-to-video release that dethrones the mighty Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky as the most insane, retardedly violent laugh-out-loud funny terrible-but-in-a-good-way movie I've ever sat through.
(And I've sat through many.)
I'm not going to spoil any of the movie's lunacy, but here're the basics: Cute Japanese school girl who loses an arm after trying to avenge her younger brother's death at the hands of a ninja yakuza family has a gatling gun attached to the stump and goes on a blood-soaked revenge bender (revender?).
The body count is through the roof. There's an evil, Lady Macbeth-esque yakuza woman who kills people by thrusting her bladed drill bra into them during an embrace. One person is stabbed through the back of her head so the knife comes out her mouth, causing her to vomit blood and puke all over until she dies. The gatling gun flays a person's head at one point, stripping all the flesh off but somehow leaving the skull and eyeballs intact to - naturally - scream at the camera. And someone gets their arm breaded and deep-fried into a two foot long hunk of tempura.
It might've been disturbing to watch had there been a budget to speak of. As it is, I think they spent all of 82 bucks on mannequins, fake blood, and a garden hose nozzle to create arterial sprays.
It's the feel good movie of the summer. Just rent it.
Is it possible to love/laugh at a game as much as I love/laugh at 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand, which unironically drops this Fall? Since Kotaku ran the newest, Awesomely Stupid Trailer, I thought I'd let you fine folks know what runs through my brains after reading the incredible press release...
Posted by Jonathan McNamara at 5:03 AM Jun 12, 2008
The internet can be a pretty messed up place sometimes. Sure, the information super highway is a shining example of freedom of expression at its finest, but it has a tendency to expose me to things I don't want to know about.
Case in point, some guy identifying himself as smorrill1 has started an entire series of YouTube videos called $5 Assassin based on this first post in which he has constructed the hidden blade from Assassin's Creed using an old umbrella shaft and a few rubber bands:
He gets in close on his web cam, staring into our very souls with the cold eyes of a dorm room assassin and says, "There's no blade on it yet, but really I can attach whatever I want to the end."
Like what? A "bang" sign? A boxing glove? The sheer number of possibilities boggles the imagination.
I'm getting ready to complete my thoughts on Wii Fit for the next edition of Game On, and it occurs to me how stupid this all is: Nintendo dropping an exercise game on America in the middle of the most beautiful weather of the year (*claim VOID in contiguous states with shitty weather). Why in the hell would I want to hop up and down on a balance board when I could be throwing beer bottles at passing semi trailers, and running like hell? Now THAT'S good exercisin'!
Then it occurs to me, as if Shigeru Miyamoto himself whispered it into my ear, that once attention is turned from the Xbox and PS3 pissing contests that are Better Graphics and Faster Processing Speeds, the next logical step would be to move gaming outside your living room and into a real world environment.
I have a closet full of videogame stuff – literally: a closet, full. In truth it’s more of a closet-and-a-half, the boxes beginning to creep out the door a few feet into my office.
It’s a little bit of everything – old consoles (I’m especially proud of my TurboDuo modded with an S-Video output), reams of old magazines (the first couple years of Nintendo Power, practically the entire catalog of Diehard Gamefan), and a veritable Tutankhamen’s tomb of preorder bonuses and collector’s editions stretching back decades. Offhand, I’m having trouble thinking of a videogame relic I don’t own, aside from a Neo-Geo (but I’m looking).
So in a way, my girlfriend couldn’t possibly know all the shit I've got squirreled away - how could she, when even I’ve lost track?
Just the same, there are a few things I’ve made a point of her not knowing about, because... well... there'd be too much explaining. You understand. And since she only reads Joystick Division when I insist… we’ll just keep this our little secret, ‘kay?
I doubt I'm the first person to admit hoping that there would be something really wrong with Grand Theft Auto IV, just so I could learn a few valuable lessons about the corrupt, ass-kissing nature of the game review business and the general perils of buying into hype. There's just one problem: It is as good as everyone says. The graphics are somewhere between "good enough" and "damn that's pretty"; the character animations are exquisite, the gameplay is exciting, and Liberty City is, at least from what I've played so far, one of the most eye-catching, detailed and explorable gameplay worlds of all time. There's some of the usual GTA issues -- I expected and got at least one hair-pulling mission that required way too many tries, a few other missions that required some "what in the hell is happening" trial-and-error, and a fair amount of long-hike chase missions that tested my patience -- but it's more or less impossible to make a Grand Theft Auto game without those things. The real problems that drove me completely insane in the previous games are largely solved: gunfights are kinetic and easily controllable, with a useful cover system that changes the whole dynamic of what used to be a massive headache of a gameplay mechanic; icons are clear and easy to spot; navigating between checkpoints and mission markers is done through a simple and intutitive GPS system (though it still leaves you on your own to discover useful shortcuts along the way) ... you'd really have to scrape the bottom of the bitch barrel to find something serious to complain about here.
Last night, LA gallery Machine Project hosted an event where guests could try their hand at a projected, wall-sized game of Donkey Kong, Missle Command or Pac-Man using a similarly-scaled (i.e., massive) Atari 2600 joystick.
According to Machine Project’s website, the joystick – built by artist-slash-mad genius Jason Torchinsky – is 15 times normal scale, making it about 5 feet tall and all but impossible to work on your own. This results in team efforts as seen below, where you work the bottom part while your girlfriend works the actual shaft... um… what was I talking about?
I love hip hop. Since this is a video game blog, you may think I'm going to tell you how hilarious MC Chris is or something, but I actually mean hip hop by actual non-nerdcore rappers and not someone whose biggest claim to fame is yelling a lot on Sealab 2021 and insulting Kingdom Hearts (though that's still a pretty decent claim to fame if you ask me). I have over 20 hours' worth of music by Wu-Tang and Wu-affiliated artists on my iPod, seeing Afrika Bambaataa live at the Foundation ranks up there with my happiest memories ever, and if my apartment building caught on fire one of the first things I'd rescue would be my 12" copy of the "Life Is... Too $hort" single. You know why I couldn't get excited for Super Smash Brothers Melee? My version already came out years ago. Redman vs. Crazy Legs is like my Snake vs. Kirby.
