Life with a baby is hard. Babies do a lot of crazy things, like demand to be fed, poop in their diapers, and cause general mayhem. As a new father, and shameless achievement hunter, I need games that will dole out those sweet, sweet achievements, and dole them out fast. Enter, The Darkness II!
I was a huge fan of the first Darkness game. It was heavy on action, sure, but it also had a great story, including probably one of the most shocking and heartbreaking moments I've ever experienced in a video game. Its big draw, however, was the titular "Darkness," twin tentacle-like demons you toted around that could attack enemies, tear them to pieces, and generally just creep you out. And, the game has some pretty easy achievement points. I never 1K'd the entire thing, but after a single playthrough I was sitting pretty at around 500/1000 achievement points for little more than around 5 hours of gameplay. That's a ratio I can get behind.
So, with the Darkness II hitting recently, I was eager to really see just how they improved on the original. And, you know, stack my Gamerscore with some much needed achievements.
I'll spare the nitty gritty about the actual game, but not a whole lot was changed from the first game in terms of the actual gameplay. Still an FPS? Yep. Still have the Darkness? Check. Still super violent and gory? Yes sir. There have been some tweaks in how you upgrade your Darkness powers, as well as the inclusion of some co-op modes, but the real meat for me were the achievement points.
|Most Japanese porn begins with this image as inspiration|
The night I got to play I had exactly 45 minutes squeeze out as many points as I could. And, literally 5 minutes in, I'm hitting paydirt.
One Man Army - Kill 25 enemies while being dragged from the restaurant, without dying or restarting checkpoint (10 points)
My good friend J. Zoss told me that this was going to be a tough one, but he was wrong, like he often is. I got it my first try. Ka-ching! Also, he sucks! Killing enemies nets you special essence to upgrade your abilities, so it's not long before I hit an upgrade nexus and unlock another achievement.
Jackie's Got Talent - Purchase a Talent in the single player campaign (5 points)
I just wrapped up the first level and another achievement pops. I'm not a huge fan of the "beat X level" kind of achievements, but hey, I'm greedy and will take it.
Cheque Please! - Survive the hit (10 points)
Loading up the next level, it's more carnage and more points. So far the game is impressing me with its simple gameplay and pretty generous attitude towards achievements points. Picking up a pool cue and darting two enemies simultaneously nets me:
2 Guys, 1 Pole - Kill 2 enemies with one javelin (25 points)
|Off-Screen: Two guys|
And, in small flashback level, I get the following achievement for dancing with Jackie's now deceased love interest without kissing her, even though the game prompts me to. Screw you game, I'm not falling for your tricks.
Romantic - Real guys know how to dance (5 points)
|Fun fact: kissing is gross|
Throughout my playthrough I've been picking up relics, collectible items scattered around each level. I've apparently picked up five of them, because I soon unlock:
Mmmm Essence! - Pick up 5 relics in the single player campaign (10 points)
Finishing off the level, I track down a character who supposedly tried to put out a hit on me, which seems like a bad idea considering I'm a walking death machine with enormous demon tentacles. But, whatever. Tracking him down, I net another end of level achievement.
I'm Just Getting Started - Find and interrogate Swifty (25 points)
By this time, I'm getting a bit tired of the game. I love the action, but it's a pretty repetitive affair. I hop into the dashboard and check out some of the achievements I still have left and notice a number of them dedicated to killing certain numbers of enemies with certain attacks. My time is running short, so I jump into the third level and go absolutely crazy on the bad guys.
Cut and Run - Kill 50 enemies with Executions while playing as Jackie (10 points)
Ready for the Big Leagues - Kill 50 enemies with thrown objects (10 points)
Decisions, Decision - Refuse to cooperate with Victor in the interrogation (5 points)
Escape the Brotherhood - Survive the interrogation (25 points)
By this time, I'm pretty much Darkeness'd out. My 45 minutes with the game has gone by and the call of the real world (aka the baby) pierces the night sky like an incredibly phallic demon tentacle burrowing into some hapless bad guy's crotch (that happens in the game). My grand total for the night comes to: 130 points in 45 minutes, for a pretty good ratio of 2.8 achievement points for every minute played. I'm not hard to impress - I'll take it. Until next time, happy hunting.