Hijacked: A True Tale of Xbox Hacking

By Jeremy M. Zoss in Features
Wednesday, March 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

By Jason Helton​

About two weeks ago, I publicly posted the following rant on my Facebook:

I extend both of my middle fingers to the rat bastard that stole my Xbox Live account and tried to run up my credit card with video games purchases. Damn it, the only person who runs up my credit card with video game purchases is ME!

I curse you, your gamertag, and your great grandmother! I hope you experience nothing but getting pwned until you atone for your digital sins. May your Avatar be cast into the Pit of Eternal Damnation, and my your Xbox get the Red Ring of Doom. And when you replace that Xbox, may that one get the Red Ring of Doom too...twice. And may the alternator in your car burn up, and that cheap integrated RADEON video card in your PC burn as well. And may you get Montezuma's Revenge, on your wedding day, hopefully while you are at the alter in front of your friends and family. 

Now that I think about it, you are a complete idiot. You tried to buy a downloadable copy of Fable 3, and while Fable 3 is a fantastic game so I'm told, you were going to pay $49.99 for it? Granted, it was not your money, but come on! The game sells at Gamestop brand new for $29.99, used for $17!!! Get off of your fat, lazy, gamertag stealing ass, get out of your mommy's basement, see some sunlight, and walk to the frakking Gamestop. The fresh air might do you some good. Hell, maybe you'll see a pretty girl whose image you can record for your own personal "Spank Bank", that you can recall that evening/morning after a 17 hour World of Warcraft Marathon. The sunlight will also help with that whole acne problem.


You sir are a sorry sack of shit (notice my use of alliteration), and I hope Video Game Karma haunts you for years. GO TO HELL. And DIE. Actually, I guess the proper order would be to die then go to hell, but I'm ranting, I'm pissed, and I can't be held accountable for the quality of my writing when I am this pissed. 

If you are a friend and are reading this, please be advised that I took the Scorched Earth Policy, and had Microsoft delete my entire Xbox account. That mean, if I was your Xbox live friend, I'm not now. If you would like to remain Xbox friends, then by all means leave me your gamertag, and as soon as I get motivated and create a new account, I will be happy to add you. If we were friends and you DON't want to remain that way, just don't say anything, and I will most likely forget that you were on the list and you can go on safe in the knowledge that I will not harass you again on Xbox Live.

I feel dirty and violated now...I'm going to go play my Playstation 3, where my gamertag, credit cards and other personal information are safe as can be, where their impenetrable security will protect my online gaming identity for as long as it exists. The previous sentence can be considered to have extreme sarcasm quotes around it.

Thank you and good day...I SAID GOOD DAY

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