JD Classic: Mario Brothers Fan Art

By Jeremy M. Zoss in Fan Art
Tuesday, October 25, 2011 at 11:00 am
Every once in a great while, we decide to dig back into the archives and present one of our "greatest hits." Strangely, those greatest hits tend to appear when we're feeling particularly lazy and/or hung over. Coincidence? Probably. Whatever the reason, why not enjoy this lovely piece from JD's past?

Welcome to the first installment of what promises to be a horrifying regular feature here on Joystick Division! Inspired by our much more frequently-updated sister site Topless Robot and its emotionally scarring Fan Fiction Friday column, I bring you Weekly Fan Art! Celebrating the lamest, weirdest and most vomit-inducing video game fan art, I figured I'd start things off with the biggest game mascot of all time: Mario. There are literally thousands of Mario art pieces out there, including some which are truly very cool. These, however, are not cool at all. Hit the jump to revel in the shittiness!


Might as well start things off with a bang. In this fine piece, Mario has stolen Peach's bra, everyone is wearing panties on their heads, and Wario appears to be taking a shit in the background. You can always count on the Japanese to keep things classy.


Here we see Bowser in what I have to assume is his Super Saiyan mode. At least, I think that's what's happening. Honestly, I don't really know if this is supposed to be a Mario/Dragonball Z crossover or not, but the very fact that I've typed the phrase "Super Saiyan" makes me feel dirty. I need to go wash my hands.

Gahh, fuck. Here I've just washed my hands and now I've got to type about macho gay versions of Mario and Luigi. And Luigi apparently doesn't have a penis. Oh well. Somehow, the Mario brothers as beefy gay lovers doesn't phase me as much as shitty anime does. Perhaps because all fan-made video game creations seem to involve gay sex.

mario_spider2.jpgI rest my case. I can definitely buy Mario being gay - after all, you'd think he'd have banked pretty much any sexual favor he'd want from Princess Peach after how many times he's saved her, but we never see some much as a kiss. Not interested in the ladies, I guess.

Spidey, on the other hand, has been married to Mary Jane for years - or at least he was until the devil erased their marriage or some shit. Did he erase Peter Parker's heterosexuality as well? Or is Mario's burly moustache simply too much for a fictional character to resist? Only fan-created stories and artwork will reveal the answer!

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