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| I wonder if they actually "bounce." |
They also cry, puke and do all other manner of terrible things.
In video games, babies are often in the market to simply murder your face off. That, or they're riding green, egg-hurling dinosaurs. But mostly they want to kill you.
Here's our list of the five biggest babies in video game history.
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We'll start with perhaps the most disturbing entry on this list, shall we? For starters, I couldn't get my hands on a half decent shot of one of these bad boys from the front. You should consider this a favor of the internets, as it's truly some messed up shenanigans. Dante's Inferno answers the age-old question of "What happens to a baby if it dies before it's baptized?" Why, it goes to limbo, of course. Not only that, but it also grows giant blades for arms and will do its very best to murder and terrify you in equal measures.
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You can't bring up babies in video games without Mortal Kombat's infamous babalities entering the conversation at some point. Sort of an anti-fatality, these transinfantizations first appeared in Mortal Kombat II and can even be be pulled off in the latest entry to the series. It's a bit bizarre seeing a killing machine shrink down and do something generally adorable but, hey, it's Mortal Kombat we're talking about. Pretty much anything can happen.
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Perhaps my favorite use of babies in video games, the Dead Space series' Lurkers are fantastic nightmare fuel. In space, medical emergencies call for extreme doctorin'. In order to provide colonies and ships with spare *ahem* parts, they'd grow cloned bodies for harvesting. Not all of those bodies were fully grown, though, meaning when living tissue starts dying and coming back to life as a twisted mutation of humanity, some babies are going to get caught in the mix. Their screams are what it would sound like if an infant found an auto-tuner and set to "freakishly morbid." They can also crawl along walls and ceilings and have three tentacles that will pop out of their back and throw crap at you. Also, that's a face only an undead mother can love.
Bonus! Dead Space 2 featured a second type of undead baby, the exploding crawler. Killing them is actually pretty fun, since they're basically adorable crawling grenades. "Adorable" is a relative term, of course.
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Zombies Ate my Neighbors is an amazing amalgam of the best classic horror films rolled into a single, playable package. When you're not busy taking on chainsaw-wielding psychos, children with knives, mummies, vampires or creatures that look an awful lot like the Graboids from Tremors, you might stumble across this humongous pain in the ass known as the Giant Baby. It'll run around, stomp everything in its path (including you) and generally ruin your day. Have fun with that one!
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Baby Mario is a bit too much like a real baby in Yoshi's Island. So long as you're doing well, he'll ride around on Yoshi's back, quiet as can be, occasionally lending a helping hand. Get nicked by an enemy, though, and get ready for one of the most annoying sounds ever created in a video game as Baby Mario pops into a bubble, starts floating around the level and bawling his damn eyes out. You'll rush to catch him, but not out of fear for his or your safety. You just really, really want that terrible noise to stop.
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