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| You don't want to offend this guy |
That's right, baby. We finally found extraterrestrial life. I know this, because I'm reporting to you from the future and have already witnessed the press event. Unfortunately for video gamers, this little discovery is going to have a not-so-little impact on the way we play.
It turns out these aliens aren't so different from humans after all. They're purple and have ginormous heads but, otherwise, they're more or less our distant genetic cousins. When it comes to emotional overreaction, though, they are absolutely identical to we homosapiens.
Since the dawn of time (1970-ish), man has used video games as a means to simulate alien murder. From Galaga on up to Mass Effect 2, the merciless spilling of multicolored blood has been viewed as nothing more than a cheap form of entertainment. We blow holes in extraterrestrials, chuckle warmly, then move on to the next "E.T. murder simulator." Those days, it seems, are over.
In a surprise move, a spokesman for the recently discovered extraterrestrials actually took a moment to address the crowd during NASA's recent conference and, rather than discuss mankind's propensity for war amongst its own kind, instead spoke out against these video games that feature strong violence towards alien life.
As a result, future titles featuring extraterrestrial antagonists will no longer be allowed to assign specific names to the races (such as "The Covenant," "Protoss" or "Chimera"), since said races likely exist somewhere in this galaxy we know so little about. From now on, Earth Marines will be pitted against an "opposing species" in all such titles. This change means we can all keep playing video games without worrying about actually offending anyone...Or actually changing anything.
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