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| The Sims is about life, so naturally it's got something to teach us about how we live ours. |
By Aaron Matteson
At the close of the 20th century, it was not unreasonable to think that SimCity was the crowning achievement of Maxis. Their catalog was a run-on list of simulators, but none quite captured the basic appeal of creation and maintenance that SimCity had fostered. While playing SimAnt, after being informed that a spider's "deadly venom flows through your body" as you "writhe in agony," you may have felt like you were playing a really boring game of Dungeons and Dragons with the weird kid in school. And you may have also felt, not unfairly, that the success of SimCity would never be recaptured by another simulator.
But such predictions would be proven terribly, laughably wrong by 2000's The Sims, one of the most popular games of all time. Here are a few other lessons we learned from playing this megahit game.
1.) The Lord works in not-so-mysterious ways.
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| He's getting a little bit sick of watching you all self-satisfied. |
Say you believe in a higher power, but are troubled by the fact that sometimes bad things happen to good people. Your confusion will perhaps be assuaged by a couple of hours with The Sims.
Sure, at first you may try wholeheartedly to engineer your Sim's life toward the positive. Make him work hard at his career, encourage him to read cookbooks and paint portraits and work out, help him foster strong relationships that will sustain him.
But spend enough time in the Big Guy's shoes, and you realize that watching people do well all the time is terrible. Nothing is interesting because there is no adversity. Total happiness is bland instead of precious.
And so maybe sometimes the Lord compels people who desperately needs to pee to stay in their kitchen eating TV Dinners until hot urine soaks their floor and they weep in shame. And, really, who can blame Him?
2.) Some methods of socializing are underused.
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The Sims taught us that tickling people is appropriate more often than you think. Thought tickling was only for babies and significant others? Think again!
Just met someone and you're hitting it off? Tickle 'em!
Landlord giving you trouble about turning your hot water back on? Tickle time!
Just passionately kissed a man, without warning and unrepentantly, right in front of your husband? FUCK IT, TICKLE THEM BOTH
3.) Be wary - death can come in the most unexpected of ways.
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| Not even clowns are safe. |
It's one thing to die in a game like Resident Evil. There you get from the beginning that your character will be faced with death at every corner. Corpses will lunge at your throat, presumably seeking your sweet, sweet brains. Dogs will jump through windows and attack you for no reason. It's part of the understanding between the gamer and the game.
Death in The Sims is more insidious, in some ways more frightening. You build a house, get a job, immerse your Sim in quotidian activities. Until one day, disaster strikes. Perhaps your Sim built a pool with a diving board but no ladder out. You can only doggy-paddle for so long! Or maybe your Sim is not a skilled cook and would like to make dinner (The Sims taught us that unless you have studied for long hours at the culinary arts, you have about a 25% chance of death every time you use an ordinary household stove).
Be mindful of the dangers lurking in the everyday.
4.) Life is good.
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Become an astronaut. Become the mayor. Get married. Have kids. Screw up colossally. Start over. There is so much to do. The Sims may be a huge simplification of actual life, but it does emphasize that despite the tedium of sustaining yourself and whatever family you may have, the possibilities of life are multitudinous. The more you explore them, the richer everything becomes.
5.) That said, some things are outright impossible.
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Go ahead. Try to seduce the French Maid. You cannot. There is no button for it on the menu. DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU CANNOT. She is out of your league.
Unless you have The Sims 2 or 3.
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