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Developer: GameLayers
Publisher: GameLayers
Release Date: Feb. 5, 2007
System: PC/Firefox
ESRB Rating: N/A
0:00 I don't really feel like actively playing a game today, actually. So, for my last Games for Lunch entry on Joystick Division, I've decided to try out a more passively multiplayer game.
0:01 "Hi and welcome to the Nethernet" says a steam-punky guy in glasses, from a comic on the official Web site. He goes on to describe how you play the game just by surfing the internet, unlocking badges, leaving traps and rewards. "If you don't have time to play, you're still earning points." Sound challenging!
0:03 At the risk of spamming my followers, I try to sign in using Twitter rather than creating a new account. Twitter gives me a PIN number to enter on the main site, but I can't seem to find where to enter it. Oh well, I guess I'll create an account.
0:04 I set my player name as "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" because I can. Then I set about downloading the Firefox toolbar needed to actually play the game. The 2.7 MB download is done pretty quickly.
0:06 Closing a bunch of old tabs before I restart Firefox. Man, when did I open this stuff?
0:13 Between all the tab closing and Firefox installing a new update, I'm falling pretty far behind on my hour. This game I'm not actively playing better be worth it!
0:15 Trying to load the "preferences" menu seems to stall the web page, so I decide to stick with the defaults. The Nethernet homepage is scrolling a never-ending stream of the same exact update: "tajeron317 deployed a Mine on www.youtube.com 2 minutes ago." This does not bode well.
0:17 So I try logging in via the new toolbar, but the game doesn't seem to recognize my e-mail or the !-point filled username. Not even when I try to reset my password! Did I just imagine creating that account?
0:19 I try signing up for another account, this time with username "@_@." After watching the web page struggle to load for a minute, I give up and try again with a normal name: KyleOrl. This time it works without issue. Sigh.
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0:21 Almost immediately the toolbar pops up with a overlay message in the corner of the window: thomas_hoggins left me a crate to loot, apparently. "Good day to you, I am Thomas and I offer you this crate as a welcome to the wonderful community that is The Nethernet." Aw, isn't that nice. It has 200 coins. I add him as an ally and get "+10 pings" whatever they are.
0:22 I hop into my profile to pick a player class. I choose the one with the picture of some forlorn, dirty miners because they fit my mood today. They are destroyers. "Destroyers annoy other players and bring themselves great joy. Destroyers are members of the faction of Chaos." Niiiiiice.
0:23 So I'm at Level 1 with zero stars, zero PMails, and nothing in my arsenal. I do have 225 datapoints (which I thought were coins) and 10 "pings." The sidebar offers a mission: "Welcome to the Nethernet" which seems like a good way of learning what the hell is going on.
0:24 "All you have to do to complete this mission is continue to click next." That's easy even by tutorial standards!
0:25 Learning about Profiles and Missions, which are "a fun way of learning what other people are doing on the Nethernet." Zzzzzz.
0:26 The third page is so slow to load I think the game is broken. Turns out it just had to load a lot of sidebar stuff, including a crate with 50 DP and something described as a "Portal chain for lots of DP." The latter is illustrated by a pig with a top hat, which is enough on its own to make me not click it.
0:28 So portals are links to other websites that earn DP for the clicker, while mines are hazards that harm anyone visiting that website. This seems easily abusable...
0:29 Finally, some backstory to explain what's going on. "The gleaming lights of the internet mesmerize millions of people. But between this reality and the cold gloom of discarded websites and abandoned links, a struggle for control of vital territory rages on. This is The Nethernet." I'm told those that love chaos like to attack, distract and seek vengeance. Ooh, I could go for some distracting... let's click through see what that does.
0:32 Just finished reading a guide about how to create good "distracting" links. No rickrolls... label NSFW content... warn people if the page is gonna play audio. They also recommend being clever: I like the idea of linking to picture of stairs with the note "you need some exercise."
0:33 Apparently I'm not the right class to post links... that's for Seers. Instead, I get to attack with mines. I purchase 10 of them in the "shoppe" before realizing I already had five. Oh well. Now how do I place them... Oh, maybe the tutorial will tell me.
0:34 Page 5 of the tutorial takes me to the shoppe. That'll teach me for skipping ahead. I do learn that I'll earn datapoints for "every unique URL you visit." Oh man, I am gonna be swimming in them.
0:35 I learn about the community news blog, the forums, and badges and achievements for doing one thing over and over again. Now that the tutorial is over, I click "complete" and... get to watch the loading animation some more. Wow, this game is not very stable, is it?
0:37 I click "back" and then go forward again, hoping that'll shock the system to life. Nope... the mission is gone and not registered on my profile. Sigh.
0:38 I head over to IGN.com, eager to lay mines for anyone stupid enough to visit the site. Both mine options are grayed out in my toolbar, though, and I don't know why. In my confusion, I accidentally leave a beneficial DP Card stashed there. Whoops.
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0:41 The preferences menus seems to work now, so I turn on NSFW content (because my workplace is my private home office) and lower the viewing threshold for portal ratings I'll see.
0:42 Ah, I was clicking the wrong button for the mines, apparently. When I try to lay one, "richies watchdog chased you away." So I lay another, successfully this time. "How uncouth" says the game.
0:44 Also on IGN.com, I find portal with a one-star rating, labeled "That Guys." I open it and... it totally fails to load. I wait for a whole minute before giving up. HEAVY SIGH!
0:45 When I try laying a mine at GamesRadar.co.uk, I get the message, "the tubes is clogged, try again later." So I just gave GamesRadar a hit for NOTHING?
0:46 OK, I suppose I should be more passive about this, since it's supposed to be a passive game. So I head overto YouTube and am quickly entertained by a news video of a "donkey parasailing stunt." "Silly or sick?" the video title asks. Can I say both?
0:49 The stilted, heavily accented English on this newscaster is hilarious. That was a good waste of time, but doesn't seem to have activated anything in the game, as far as I can tell.
0:50 I hop around to a bunch of other popular pages -- Google, Yahoo, MSN news -- and each time get a "tubes is clogged" message from the toolbar. This lack of reliability is not really wowing me here, game.
0:51 I go back to IGN to visit my mine and find they have a new Scott Pilgrim clip from Comic-Con! Damnit, I have to watch. I HAVE to.
0:54 OK, half that clip was already in the trailers. I leave a mine to warn people away. And it works! Maybe the tube are unclogged?
0:55 Back at google.co.uk the sidebar finally loads some interesting stuff, including my first puzzle crate. "Very cold mountains, named for a Scandinavian royal" it asks, requiring my answer to unlock it. I don't know... but luckily, I'm already at Google!
0:57 Wikipedia is no help... there are too many Scandinavian mountains listed. Searching for "Mountains named after Scandinavian king" turns up a lot about trolls and the Hall of the Mountain King song.
0:58 More googling finds a page with a description promising: "Here amidst Norway's glistening fjords, look out for the spectacular mountains named after the King, Queen and Bishop. ..." When I go to the page, though, I'm redirected to a marketing site. Boo.
1:00 I turned up an Australian mountain named after a German scientist, but that's as close as I'm gonna get, I guess.
Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.
Why? First off, it takes no effort to actually play. Second, I can see enjoyably leaving breadcrumb trails at sites I like, just to see if anyone snaps them up.
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