I enjoy a good gaming peripheral as much as the next guy; anything that can significantly impact my virtual experience in a positive manner is always welcome. As it just so happens, many companies view the gaming peripheral as a cheap and easy way to exploit us gamers, and therefore we have a market flooded with worthless, awful, and often times ridiculous junk. It's true that if you venture to wade through the shit, you will eventually stumble upon something worthwhile -- a carefully designed, well thought-out, useful addition to your gaming armory; that is not the focus of this article. As I tend not to be a list guy there is no particular order to this chaos, but I'll be damned if the fifth and final isn't one of the worst real gaming products to disgrace our beloved hobby. Read on to see five of the most ridiculous gaming peripherals I've ever witnessed in my tender years of existence.
1. R.O.B. (Robotic Operating Buddy)
R.O.B. may be kind of cute if you're into robots and movies like Short Circuit, but as a gaming peripheral he is utterly and completely useless. Originally born in Japan in 1985 as the Famicom Robot, the little guy immigrated to the land of opportunity later that year in hopes of achieving the American Dream. In the immigration process they botched his name, and somehow Famicom Robot became R.O.B.. Unfortunately the only work he could find was for Gyromite and Stack-Up, two NES games that just couldn't pay the bills. Try as he might, our intrepid little robot wasn't capable of stacking enough blocks or collecting enough dynamite to continue to live in this tough world of ours. In a smart move, R.O.B. retired to the virtual world, where he achieved minor fame in titles such as Mario Kart DS and Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
2. The Konami LaserScope
The Konami manufactured LaserScope was created specifically for their game Laser Invasion, released on the NES in 1991. However, as it is essentially a head-mounted light gun, it could also be used for any NES Zapper compatible title. So where does the difference lie other than in the fact that it goes on your head and screams "mental patient" to the world? Well, in order to shoot, you are instructed to yell "Fire!", effectively making you sound like a mental patient as well. Seeing that in reality you could yell anything you wanted to discharge the weapon, the LaserScope offered the rare opportunity for those with Tourette's to use their neuropsychiatric disorder to their advantage. Around the mid-90's modded LaserScope gangs were formed, each group headed by an elite Tourette's marksman. Gang-on-gang violence transpired on a regular basis, finally leading up to the great Scope-Off of '98. The end of the battle found the previously fragmented gangs unified under one man's rule -- the ungainly extremist Dr. J.K. Herkins. Contrary to popular history, it was under his rule that the syndicate effectively brought about the downfall of the economic boom known as the Dot-Com era, and the crisis that followed.
Ahem...okay so everything following the bit about any voice command firing the LaserScope is more than likely 100% false. Nonetheless, the head-gun's downfall was due to that specific problem -- any background noise would set the gun firing. This alone was (surprisingly) the primary cause for negative reception. Personally I would've thought the fact that you look like an idiot had something to do with it.
3. The SOM (NSFW)
So this thing might not be cheaply-made or poorly designed (we will know for sure when JMZ receives his review copy), but it certainly is ridiculous. Developer Overflow has synchronized this little piece of robo love to be compatible with its erotic game Cross Days, where is will move in real time to correspond with on-screen motions during climax scenes. Call me old fashioned, but I just don't see how it could be better than a regular old visit to Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters, but I leave that decision in JMZs capable hands.
4. The Power Glove
While although quite ridiculous and chock-full of fail, according to some the Power Glove released in 1989 laid the foundation for the Nintendo Wii console and remote. At any rate, this geek glove rocks an original NES controller on the back -- complete with nine programmable buttons -- and the glove itself has finger flex measurement and hand position tracking technology built in. So with all that awesome tech, how did the Power Glove fail? Well overall it was a very imprecise method of input, and considering that is a controllers primary function, you can easily begin to see why it flopped. Combining that with the fact that only two games specifically developed for it were ever released really gives you the entirety of the fail. However, in order to fully appreciate the ridiculousness of it I think this TV ad is a necessity.
5. The Sega Activator
Conceptually the Sega Activator isn't overly stupid -- I could understand if a company were to explore their options upon hearing the idea pitched in a meeting. However after the creation of the prototype of this octagonal, infrared emitting, motion-reading monstrosity, somebody really should've spoken up. Much like the Power Glove, it just didn't perform well as a method of input, and only a few games were designed be be used with it, hence it's commercial failure. On top of all that, the Activator training video is beyond ridiculous. Here's some free advice to all you companies out there making gaming peripherals: if your training video leaves the viewer feeling so ashamed that their intestines no longer desire to remain on the inside, then you have not created a successful product.
There you have it my friends, the five most ridiculous gaming peripherals I've ever seen created. If you've witnessed something more ridiculous, by all means, please post it up in the comments sections. However I must confess that I can't see how anything could top that god-awful Activator.
