Developer: Southend Interactive

Publisher: Ubisoft

Release Date: Nov. 18, 2003

System: PS2

ESRB Rating: M 

In a nutshell: In comic books, everyone can hear you scream in frustration.

0:00 I remember hearing good things about this stylish shooter when it first came out, so I couldn't resist picking it up for $2 during an extreme bargain bin binge. Will it hold up so many years after its initial release?

0:01 A bare bones loading screen crawls along, leading up to an utterly silent title screen with a guy in a flak jacket guarding a mocha-colored woman behind him. "Please press the START button to begin" blinks in an annoying gray box.

0:03  Selectable dfficulties are Arcade, Normal and Realistic. Wait, Arcade is supposed to be the easiest? Some of the most difficult games I've ever played were at an arcade. I go with Normal.

0:04 A cel-shaded, open-air covertible goes through a ticker tape parade, while in another frame, someone loads a sniper rifle. Zoom out to show these scenes as part of an animated comic book. Zoom back in, and a shot is fired. A police officer waves me away as chaos reigns. A bald old bald man smiles evilly. Elsewhere, someone makes a calligraphic "XIII" with a fountain pen. A guy in glasses and a red coat studies the sniper rifle. "Yes, I will continue the work that my brother William started," says a politician at a pulpit. "And yes, there will once again be a Sheridan in the white house!" Wow... the Kennedy allegory was so subtle, I almost missed it.

0:05 The guy in red, an FBI man, apparently, argues with a man in military fatigues, voiced by TV's Adam West."No one can stop me from conducting my own investigation, you hear me, Amos?" the military man yells. Cut to the bald man. "Number XIII will soon no longer be a problem." Cut to a war room: "Gentlemen, we're ready to launch operations." I... I think I understood most of that. Maybe.

0:06 Cut to a beach. "Frank, it's Janet," says a blonde in a one-piece red bathing suit, into her phone. "I've just finished my rounds. Do you still need me in this area? OK, I'll head back to HQ." She stumbles upon the guy from the title screen lying on the beach. "Looks like a bullet wound. Can you move your legs?"

0:07 "I can't remember a thing,"  I say in a low voice. "Do you think you can make it to the truck?" she asks. And I'm in control. The environment is rippling hazily... I'm pretty sure that's intentional, to represent my grogginess. I love the thick black outlines on the characters -- the style just works for me.

0:08 A helicopter flying by triggers a memory, and suddenly I'm in a dark black and white hallway. Fade to white, then I'm on the deck of a yacht. "Hey, I've got him. Shoot him!" says an armed assailant. I jump off the edge as shots ring around me. "Ooooh... my head..." I say. Then I'm back on the beach. "I'll take you to the first aid station," Janet says, before I fall over and the scene fades to black.

0:10 In some sort of cabin now. Janet is reporting my situation to someone named Helen on the phone. I have no ID, but Janet found a key for Winslow Bank in my pocket. Suddenly, machine gun fire from outside knocks Janet down relatively bloodlessly. I get up from the bed and pick up a throwing knife. "Tell the Mongoose we spotted the target," says a voice from outside.

0:12 The front door is guarded and locked, so I head out the back. A big, bald black guy there draws a gun on me. I hit the right trigger instinctively and punch him a few times as he fires at me point blank. He goes down, but not before taking my health from 50 to 20. I pick up his revolver and equip it with a tap of the square button.

0:15 After a bit of fruitless searching, I find a key sitting on a desk in the cabin's back room. Before approaching the door, I fire through the glass and take out the guard with a headshot.  Large red lettering comes out as he goes down: "Voooooooom!"

0:16 To open the door, I have to press X once to select the key, X again to use the key, then X once more to open the door. Wow... couldn't that be automated?

0:17 As I run down the dock, a large rectangle calls my attention to a gunman up on the cliffs. I fire at him with the Kalashnikov I picked off the guard, but my aim is awful, and I stupidly stopped moving to fire. He takes me out. "XIII has died" the game says as the screen goes red and I tilt over. Retry.

0:18 I'm a little more methodical this time: I take the time to find some ammo for the pistol and a health kit in a first aid station. I'm still down to 26 health by the time I leave the cabin, though, thanks to some bad aim.

0:19 This time I get taken out by a guy who somehow jumps up to the elevated deck from way down on the beach. I'm finding new and exciting ways to die all the time!

0:21 I play a bit smarter and more carefully this time and leave the cabin without getting hit once. I find some more first aid in an abandoned boardwalk area and hear a radio calling desperately for Janet. I... I doubt she'll be answering that.

0:22 I finally take out the guy on the cliffs. Seems the pistol has much better long range aim than the Kalashnikov, somehow. The guy falls from the cliff, with a trail of comic book "AAAAA"s following him.

0:23 Guys in boats are yelling at me about a key from the nearby water. "You can't run forevern, Number Thirteen!"

0:24 I take out the a final gunman on a small shoal, grab the key he drops, and open the door to a pickup truck to complete the level. Good thing: I was down to 5 health. I blame the unorthodox controls. I'm used to just clicking in a stick to do a melee attack, but here if I get in to close range combat I have to switch over to my fists then click the trigger. Plsu, the duck button is over on R2 for some reason. I'm amazed how the control standards have changed so much in the past 7 years.

0:25 As I drive to New York City in a cut scene, I'm haunted by memories of Janet being gunned down from multiple angles. I put the gun in the glove box and wander the financial district at 11 am. I'm headed to Winslow Bank, of course. I'm liking the spare stroytelling here.

0:26 "Access the strong room. Do not kill the bank staff." Aww, but killing is what I'm good at, it seems. "Mr Rowland. It's been such a long time," says the teller. "I assume you want to acess your safe. May I have your key? Right this way please." Hmm... accessing this strong room may be easier than expected.

0:28 The strong room has rows and rows of identical safe deposit boxes, but a white rectangle appears to highlight mine as I get close. A nice touch. There's a suitcase and a blinking roll of dynamite inside. When I pick up the case, the dynamite starts ticking. "The timer," triggers another black and white flashback, this one featuring a big black woman telling me to take the files and set the bomb. "We'll incriminate all of them, from nubmer XX to number I," she says.

0:30 Back in the present, the bomb goes off, and now I have to escape from the bank, still without killing anyone for some reason. I can't go out the way I came in, but the bomb blew a hole in the back wall, so I go through that. "I've fallen in to my own trap," I say to no one in particular as I crawl through the ventilation ducts.

0:32 "To knock out an enemy, approach him cautiously from behind and press fire." Just like in real life. But, apparently I wasn't cautious enough, because my karate chop to the neck fails to knock out the first guard. Instead, he turns and fires on me till I'm dead. Wow, I am really bad at this game.

0:34 My karate chop fails again, but this time I punch the guard out before he can kill me. A police radio is calling for backup after hearing the shots fired. I take out the next cop with a chair to the back of the head. Satisfying!

0:35 I try to sneak up on yet another guard in an open area, but he turns at just the wrong moment. I try to take out my fists, but I get to the gun first. "You have killed an innocent person." Whoops!

0:38 After a few more failed attempts to take out this first guard stealthily, I decide to ignore the "cautiously" and just run up and punch him in the back of the head. It works beautifully!

0:39 I work my way up to the fourth guard, who's at the end of a long corridor and coming right at me. I duck behind a convenient barrier with an ashtray in hand and wait for him to approach. There's no radar, but I can see the location of his footsteps through the barrier as comic-book style "Tap tap tap" sound effects. What a cool idea!

0:40 I've made my way to an entry alcove just outside what looks like the bank manager's office. "Are you deaf! I said Number XIII is still alive," the manager barks into a phone. "Inform the Mongoose! Get him over here NOW!" Incidentally, "Inform the Mongoose" would be a great name for a rock band.

0:41 I try to lie in wait for the guard coming slowly out of the manager's office, but somehow he manages to get the jump on me. I'm sent all the way back to the sewers outside the bomb site. GAH!

0:42 I just missed a guard with a point-blank swing of a large wooden chair. Sigh.

0:43 OK, this time I missed with a point blank throw of an ashtray. What am I doing wrong here?

0:50 I'm not going to recount the numerous failed attempts I have made to get back to the managers office. Suffice it to say that I am not a fan of the hit detection in this game. Anyway, when I finally get past the final guard and into the plush office, the manager is long gone. On his desk is a suitcase full of money with a strange symbol on the top. My character makes a note of it.

0:52 Past the manager's office is another large room with multiple rows of safe deposit boxes. A guard is advancing on me down one row, so I duck down to the other. The guard calls to his partner in that row, who spots me and fires immediately. Back to the sewers I go... again.

0:55 Is it too much to ask that responding to the "take out" icon on screen by pressing the "take out" button would result in an actual take out? Half the time it seems I just miss and alert the guard to shoot me point blank in the face. This is soooo frustrating.

1:01 After what must be my two dozenth attempt at this stupid escape the bank routine, I finally make it to the second line of safe deposit boxes for a second time. This time I get taken out from the side by guard number two as I try to sneak up on guard number one. Wow.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? No.

Why? I'm loving the art style and the story, but I've rarely been so frustrated by a game's gameplay so thoroughly so early. Maybe I'll just check it out on YouTube.