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Here's my list of my top excuses for sucking at Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Feel free to use them as you see fit the next time you're wiped out by a predator missile.
In no particular order, here are my best excuses for my lack of skills:
- Racist slurs throw me off my game.
- I'm only online to try to convert gamers to Mormonism.
- My hands are tired from fondling my penis.
- It's hard to play both MW2 and Pony Friends DS at the same time.
- I can't be awesome at everything.
- Games are stupid anyways.
- I've been drinking for, like, days.
- Trying a new gun I've never used before. Yeah, that's it.
- My Mom says I'm good at it.
- Pacifism?
- I'm low on GamerFuel.
- I'll totally kick all your asses once I unlock the Needler.
- I'm tired from all the sex I'm having with my totally hot girlfriend. You don't know her. She lives in Canada.
- I'm letting all six million eight hundred and forty-eight thousand of you win.
- Playing three separate matches at once.
- The guns are totally unlike their real-world counterparts, which I know because I'm a Green Beret Spec Ops Navy Seal.
- Exhausted from writing lists.
- Can't hear my heartbeat monitor over my pounding gangsta rap, but playing it so loud everyone can hear it through their headsets is a sacred duty.
- Tweeting while playing.
- I pay my assistant to play, but he's getting fired for sucking. You heard me, Troy.
- Lobster-like claws.
- Lag. It's totally the lag.
- I have fleas.
- I don't like shooting twelve year olds.
- Hey, look over there!
- My naked ass keeps sticking to the leather couch, which is distracting. Most people game in the nude, right?
- In a full-body cast.
- Usually only play Wii.
- Probably a language barrier.
- My giant gold rings are getting in the way.
- Fuckin' Noob Tube!
- The junkie shakes.
- I keep breaking the controller with my massively powerful hands.
- You're all cheating and will be reported. All of you.
- Only playing to see why so many people like this stupid game.
- Colorblindness.
- Regular blindness.
- Allergies.
- At a totally awesome party while I'm playing. With girls.
- Apes.
- Using the Tony Hawk Ride skateboard to play.
- I wouldn't be losing if there were dedicated servers!
- The apes again.
- Forgot to take my Flintstones vitamins.
- I'm sitting in a pool of my own waste, which is a little distracting.
- Obviously insane.
- Umm... something about Tiger Woods?
- I usually don't play games without God Mode turned on.
- Because this map sucks.
- I'm controlling the game with my penis, which is tired from being fondled.
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