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Before Anton left for the week, he left his keys under the Joystick Division Headquarters doormat along with the following note:
Gary,
Just a few reminders:
1) Water my fern, and sing it a lullaby on Tuesday and Thursday. I don't care if you think it's dumb, I read a study.
2) None of your "parties". On that note: leave the petty cash alone. We don't have a category in the chart of accounts for "A little bit of p" for your "d".
3) Post the weekly Fan Art column.
Otherwise: there's beer in the fridge, don't worry about the cat's litterbox, and just know I might've installed nannycams anywhere.
A. Gordon
Admittedly reasonable, modest expectations overall. Alas, I blew the first two almost immediately... so I figure I should at least get #3 done, or I'll never hear the end of it.
Click on through for a selection of the lamest, weirdest, worst and most sexually disturbing Street Fighter fan art around!
Chun Li and Cammy if you're lucky. Turns out there's lots of... other kinds of SF porn out there. But we'll work up to that...
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Here we see Chun Li and Urien... fighting? Courting? Ballroom dancing? It's really hard to say. Yes, I could poke fun and Urien's sausage arms and potato head or Chun Li's enormous face, but frankly: after seeing so much gruesomely erotic Street Fighter fan art the past day or two, I'm just relieved Urien is flaccid. It's important to appreciate little things... pun intended. Fully intended.
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Here's Ken, Ryu's friend and rival and the first choice for underskilled mewing little cocksucking bitchwhores online. I only really picked it so I could insert that thoughtful commentary... but now that I have: what's with the extra ear, eh? LOL, amirite?
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The lithe and flexible Cammy. I came up with a thought when looking at all this fan art: if you have to write a character's name on your drawing so people can tell who it is, you probably shouldn't bother fucking around with MS Paint to begin with. Unless you're under the age of 11 or so, in which case aww, what a good job you did!
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I was a little torn on this rendition of Chun Li. On one hand, I appreciated the design flourish of the petals or blossoms floating in the air. On the other, it's horrifying.
This next series is unusual in that the actual art isn't terrible, just the concept is. Inexplicably, some artist somewhere decided he'd like to try drawing a Street Fighter character on the toilet, shitting:
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...and inexplicably, he felt this concept was strong enough to make it a whole series:
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What bugged me most about these "works" is that I found myself thinking the Ryu pic really should read "HaDOOken!" - I blame the artist for infecting my brain with his psychotic train of thought.
Still, the vast, vast, VAST majority of Street fighter fan art I came across was of a sexual nature. Here's a sampling... and I'll start slow:
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Okay, here we have a pic of Karin and Sakura enjoying a long, hearty, shameless laugh at the sight of Sagat's crotch.
Seriously: can we talk about the boy who came up with and drew this sort of picture? The rage, folks, the RAGE. This kid's first true love is destined to squat in a dry well in his basement, rubbing the lotion on its skin so it doesn't get the hose again.
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"Yes Precious, it'll get the hose!"
There's also a wide variety of Street Fighter fan art centered on underage-looking female Street Fighter characters frolicking together in a vaguely sexual way. A perfect example, censored by me:
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A few of 'em we so... icky... I immediately hit the back button a few times for fear if I looked any longer I'd be ambushed by a news crew.
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"So, you like pictures of Sakura, eh? Why don't you have a seat..."
Homosexuality is a big, BIG theme in Street Fighter fan art, probably for the same reason it figures so heavily in all fanfiction: because deep down you're really damn gay. You know it, you've always known it, so just drop the charade already.
Depending on what variety of deep-down-really-gay you are, there's probably a Street Fighter erotic comic to suit your fancy. Let's start with the lesbian-themed porn - again, censored by me as necessary:
 Oh look, they're hugging. That's nice. |
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This one of Ibuki and Elena was noted by the artist as having taken "3 hours" to draw. Really kid, 3 HOURS? You know you're supposed to clock out when you fap, perv.
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Judging from all the fan art I've looked at, Chun Li and Cammy are really close.
Sadly, much of the rest of the homosexual art focuses right on the boys. Hold on to your hats:
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Oh dear.
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Oh no.
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What.
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NO.
Still with me? Think of this like a root canal... we're more than halfway, but we still need to pluck some nerves. Lay your eyes on these little gems:
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God I'd love it if someone translated that for me.
This next one required extensive pixelating before I'd post it here. Let's just say Blanka celebrated his victory over Zangief in a very, very damn bad way:
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Nope, he didn't pee on him. Nope, he didn't poop either.
There was a little bit of straight sex in the Street fighter fan art ecosystem, but naturally it was some of the filthiest and most explicit. Here's one I could show you with minimal censoring:
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As a writer, I think Zangief's quote would sound more "Zangiefy" if you dropped the 'the'.
The rest of them... well, they were bad. Like really bad. One I came across was a multipage comic depicting an extended, explicit, utterly grotesque sexual encounter between Chun Li and Ryu. I wanted to show you at least one page of the epic, and this is what it looks like scrubbed of every single x-rated piece of content:
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Hot, amirite?
Later guys...
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