Obviously, Lara Croft has a following. Obviously, a lot of those followers are dirty, dirty pervs. Finding X-rated pictures of Lara on the internet would be about as hard as... well, finding X-rated pictures on the internet. So I've decided to challenge myself to find non-porn pics of the Tomb Raider star that were still horrible enough to qualify for Weekly Fan Art. Could I do it? Well, duh. You wouldn't be reading this if I couldn't. I'm just that good! Or at least, the art is just that bad. I mean, just look at the pic above. She's got ass-crotch, for god's sake!

You'd expect a lot of Lara Croft art to have ridiculous boobs, and you won't be disappointed here. Our first entry features a pair of knockers that would look more appropriate on a diner waitress named Flo than an international explorer, but whatever. The boobs are less of an issue here than the legs, which, as you'll notice, is a bit of a recurring theme.



You see what I mean? This isn't Lara Croft, it's a Strider from Half-Life 2. Seriously, she's like 75% leg. I am a leg man, but fuck, that just isn't right. It's like she's been injected with giraffe DNA.


Now what the hell is going on? Lara's clearly pregnant with some sort of alien baby, and what in god's name happened to her legs? Did she fall down a well? Or did she just piss of Kathy Bates' character in Misery? She's Lara's number one fan, after all.

This is for your own good!

Moving on from malformed legs to freakish breasts brings us to this monstrosity. Either Lara's latest boob job went horribly, horribly wrong or she's got some kind of infection. Either way, she needs a doctor.


Oh... good lord. I don't even know where to start with this one. Are her proportions supposed to be sexy? Is this guy really into saggy tits? She looks like this horrible parody drawing of Octomom:

 


I appreciate that this artist decided to focus on one of Lara's less-ogled body parts, but seriously, that's your representation of her "best butt?" Here's my advice, Mr. Artist. If you're gonna a draw something to highlight a fictional character's body part, go over the top with it. For example, see any other drawing of Lara Croft. So, what's your take, readers? Who's freakiest: the Lara Croft leg fetishists, the Lara boob fetishists, or the solitary Lara butt fetishist? Correct answer: Whoever drew this:


Gahh, fuck Chany-Chyn. You hurt by brain. Lara Croft is defined by little other than her body, and you draw her as a cat. In a diaper. Chany-Chyn, I hate you. You're why I need the pills to sleep. Sigh. Let's look at some cross-franchise lesbianism until I calm down.


Aww yeah, that's the stuff. Weekly Fan Art without homoeroticism is no Weekly Fan Art at all. And when Lara Croft and Heavenly Sword's Nariko hugging is a calm spot in the WFA storm, then things are not looking good.

Just as an aside, the Heavenly Sword sequel really should feature overt lesbinanism. Then there'd be something exclusive to PS3 that gamers actually liked. Zing!


Gahh, can't fight it any more! Okay, here's a little bit of Lara Croft porn. Hot, huh? I especially like the way her legs dissolve into a background that looks like a pool of blood. Nothing like a bit of amputee video game character porn to start your week out right. Glad I could help.