I'm going to make a confession. Over the last couple of weeks, I was starting to worry that Weekly Fan Art was unsustainable. Surely there isn't a never-ending supply of hilariously bad video game art out there, I thought. I've already had to throw out some of the characters I thought would be perfect fits for this feature due to lack of material. The well, I feared, might be running dry already.

But then came Halo. Hoo boy. And I thought Dragon Ball fans were messed up.

You see, there are two kinds of bad Halo fan art: Regular and Red vs. Blue. Red vs. Blue, as you may know, is a video series created with the Halo engine. It's a funny series about a war between two factions of Halo's Spartans. But there is a small, dedicated group of people out there who think it's actually about a bunch of hot guys fucking each other. In armor. Yeah.

There's so much material based on Halo that I'll actually be spreading it across two editions of Weekly Fan Art. I'll be saving most of the erotic Red vs. Blue material for next week for your safety. You've been warned.


Okay, time for the Halo primer. In the Halo games, you play as Master Chief, an armored super-soldier who's leading the fight against a cadre of aliens called the Covenant. Seen above is Master Cheif, the protagonist's skinny third cousin from Peoria. 



The Halo takes its name from the ring-shaped world that's the setting for the first game. Here it is. Isn't it glorious? Majestic? This might be, in all honesty, the single laziest piece of fan art I've ever seen. It's a fucking circle. And a shitty-looking circle at that.


Halo is a first-person shooter, so the gameplay looks something like what you see above. Except by "something like" I mean "totally nothing like this at all." I think that's supposed to be a gun in the corner, but it might very well be the obelisk from 2001. With an ammo counter. 



This guy here is a grunt, the lowliest of enemies in the Halo series. Despite his protests, he is weak. Very weak. But hey, this one appears to have gone through puberty. He's got quite the bush down there!


Gaah, fuck. This grunt creeps me out. Maybe it's because I saw Friday the 13th this weekend, but if I saw this thing lunging at me in the woods, I'd run. The red Spartan seems to be pretty freaked out, too. Maybe it's because he's apparently holding a giant blue dildo.



Vehicles are a big part of the Halo series. None of them look anything like this. This same artist, who goes by the clever name "Nintendude," also brought us Link's sweet ride in the Zelda edition of this column. The dude's got a very particular fetish.
 


Capture the flag is one of the more popular multiplayer modes in the Halo games. Remember the first rule of etiquette when playing CTF: Don't let your flag get flappy. 
 

Using the hole in your lined paper as a plasma grenade? Kinda clever. But why is Master Chief wearing sandals? Is he at a Jimmy Buffet concert? Is he planning to huck that grenade at the Mayor of Margaritaville? If so, I'm okay with that.