I have the flu, or a cold, or some such bullshit, deep into the phase where you spend all night flipping back and forth because one side of your nose gets too plugged up to bear (and enjoying that blissful 4-second migration of mucus when you can actually breathe), figuring out what over-the-counter cold meds work and which are little more than caffeine pills, and becoming such an expert in your own sputum you now recognize distinct differences in color, texture, and flavor in the same way a mother can distinguish sleeping twins.

So being mostly couchbound, I've been feeling my lack of a working Xbox especially acutely... so I'm at least a little pleased my 360's coffin has finally showed up.  Yesterday I was wallowing in a sea of used Kleenex when I heard a knock on the door.  "UPS!" the delivery guy called.  

I dragged myself up and answered the door.  He handed me a light box.

"Did you have an Xbox crap out on you?" he grinned.

"Yeah," I managed, trying my best to not sound all plugged up.

"Yeah, I see these all the time."

In a weird way, I was kinda excited to finally see the infamous 360 coffin for myself after hearing about them for all these years.  Cutting it open, there's actually very little in the box - clearly Microsoft has their repair process streamlined after many thousands (millions?) of trials.

Included in the box is: a clear plastic bag to put your 360 in (if the box is a coffin, wouldn't this be a body bag?), a shipping label, a one-page, one-sided instruction sheet, two dense foam packing thingamajigs, and a strip of tape just long enough to reseal the box.

As impressed as I am by how simple they've made the process, I can't help but think about my years of customer service (video stores, Subway, a deli, bussing tables, etc.) and know that somehow people are fucking up even this GED-simple process.  I'd love to interview someone at the MS repair center and hear stories about the crazy shit that shows up.  Do people ever box up the provided box?  Do they bag the entire shipping box rather than the 360?  Do they include all their cables and accessories, even though the sheet tells you not to in big red letters?  Has anyone ever sent in something other than a 360?  Or just mailed an empty box back?  

I bet it's all happened, and more.  If you've never worked with the public you can't possibly know how dumb the average person is - it's horrifying and life-changing.  I had a woman refuse a free small drink once because, to quote her, "Nothing is free."

"No really, this is free," I reassured.  "If you buy a 6-inch sub today you get a free drink.  You already got the sandwich, so this just comes with it."

"No, nothing is free," she repeated.

"But it really is."

"No it's not."  

This sort of person is an excellent argument against democracy.

The bottom of the instruction sheet tells me I can either drop the package off at a local UPS shipper, or have them come pick it up for a fee.  You know, this is a pretty sweet deal for UPS, shipping MS's wonky boxes all over the nation to the point that their drivers can recognize them on sight.  I'm sure UPS is hoping and praying the same quality assurance team behind the 360 is onboard for any future consoles.