Post-GameCyte/TriplePoint Roundtable

Posted by Gary Hodges at 7:54 PM Oct 06, 2008

For Joystick Division's second roundtable discussion, Anton, Chris and I decided to sit down (in our respective states and at our respective computers via Google Talk) for our first conversation post-ASoTM, our piece about the relationship between GameCyte.com and TriplePoint PR.

Click through to read us wringing our hands over the state of the gaming press, discuss the "behind the scenes" work for the TriplePoint piece, and bid farewell to the Black Lion of Joystick Division's Voltron...

CHRIS: Here we are!

CHRIS: Ok, now that I have a belly full of cold medicine, let's discuss TriplePoint PR and their Sarah Palin to our Katie Couric.

ANTON: It's gotta be all about job creation.

GARY: Before we start, I have a very important question: Does anyone here work for Richard Kain? Now’s your chance to come clean.

CHRIS: I work for Dick Jones. 10 dollars to any of you who got that reference.

ANTON: I work for some guy who operates out of the back of a Russian restaurant. His name is Vlad.

GARY: I work for tips. Discarded circumcision tips, in fact. If you deep-fat fry them in tempura batter you can pass them off as calamari.

CHRIS: Just the tip!

ANTON: Ugh. So that's a no all around then.

GARY: I’m glad we got that out of the way. Who wants to start?

CHRIS: Gary, first of all, you're the guy who put the heavy lifting into this investigative piece, so: Are you surprised at the feedback/lack of feedback on this story?

ANTON: Gary? Fall asleep?

CHRIS: He's typing, settle down dicksmoke.

GARY: Both. I'm surprised - and in a way, relieved - by the response both in the comments section and in the "blogosphere" - it was very reassuring and validating, because I really believe this is something people should care about. On the other hand, I am bothered/disappointed/troubled by the lack of interest from the bigger sites.

CHRIS: I definitely, shamelessly, submitted it to both Kotaku and Digg, but I don't know what their approval process is like. I thought people loved this kind of stuff. But people also love Dancing With The Stars so I just can't figure anything out anymore.

ANTON: Yeah, I was somewhat surprised that none of the "bigger" guys picked it up.

GARY: I think it speaks poorly of them. I mean, clearly readers and gamers care. They are SAYING they care. So - if I can don my tinfoil hat for a moment - to not even run it as a footnote... it just makes me ask questions. Questons like "So how often do you have to deal with TriplePoint on a weekly basis to run the news you're running?"

CHRIS: Yeah, how are they going to get those exclusive Celebrity Sports Showdown assets if they burn that bridge with EA?

GARY: God forbid.

CHRIS: Do you have an idea who their biggest clients are?

GARY: Not off the top of my head, though the list is pretty long. I can include it when we post this.

Here's a list of TriplePoint PR's clients both current and former, according to Games Press. As I'm not an employee of TriplePoint, I can't say how accurate it is.

Vyk Games
Perspective Studios
Joymax
HypeCouncil
Kwari
D2C Games
Funkitron, Inc.
Other Ocean Interactive
Tournament.com
The Multiverse Network, Inc.
Gameinvest
GameStrata, Inc.
DIDMO
PC Gaming Alliance
Vivity Labs
Gameforge AG
Into the Pixel
Gaia Online
Interactive Gaming Software (IGS)
Hammersuit, LLC
Journeys
Reed Exhibitions
OnNet USA Inc. Game Division
IBase Entertainment
Namco Bandai Games America Inc.
JAMDAT Mobile Inc.
Xfire, Inc.
Gizmondo Europe Ltd
The Adventure Company
Vicious Cycle Software, Inc.
Mythic Entertainment
NaturalMotion Limited
TurboSquid, Inc.
NYKO Technologies, Inc.
Myelin Media, LLC.
Groove Media Inc.
Temple Games
D3Publisher of America, Inc.
Wurld Media, Inc.
Sandlot Games
NeenerNeener.Net
Foundation 9 Entertainment, Inc.
Niko Partners, LLC
Empire Interactive
Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex
Painkiller: Hell Wars
GC Developers Conference 2006

TriplePoint's website lists several others, including Electronic Arts and Namco-Bandai.

ANTON: Dean Takahashi interviewed Rich Kain. That was a big deal that came of this.

GARY: True, that was sorta nice to see. But he got a few of the important facts wrong in his piece and more or less gave Kain the benefit of the doubt... something I'm not sure he's earned.

ANTON: I think a big part of why this didn't get picked up by the major sites is that GameCyte is about as well known as, well, Joystick Division.

CHRIS: But I wonder: would we have broken this story if it were a more well-known company, such as Bender/Helper, that we receive stuff from all the time? Having worked at a magazine before it's a pretty delicate relationship with PR folk. For example, Wizard Magazine had to run a shit ton of Catwoman movie promotion in order to get any access to Batman Begins: Catwoman covers, set visits, shitty fluff pieces…We all knew Catwoman was going to lick taint, but we swallowed hard and did it anyway. And everyone knows Wizard Magazine swallows hard.

GARY: Anger. Rawr!

CHRIS: But that’s how the game is played with larger publications.

ANTON: What you’re saying about Wizard is very similar to how EA got access to the Batman Begins license. They had to take a package deal for Catwoman.

GARY: DC is crafty. They know how to leverage their synergies.

ANTON: Indeed.

CHRIS: Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool that promotes Catwoman shit?

GARY: But back to your question, Chris: I would’ve still done the story if it was Bender/Helper or anyone else. But what Anton said was definitely was a factor: nobody had heard of GameCyte. And anyone/everyone in the industry had heard of TriplePoint… but of course, the average gamer hasn’t. Which is a problem – not just for the story, but for gamers trying to understand why they should care about this.

ANTON: Yeah, everyone IN the industry had heard of TriplePoint. They're pretty invisible to the gaming public.

GARY: So the question is: should the gaming public know these names/companies?

CHRIS: Hmmm...

ANTON: No, I don't think so. The gaming public has little to gain by knowing who pulls the strings behind the scenes.

CHRIS: I don't know if it's important that the public know of gaming PR companies, and that’s why it’s up to people like us walking the line between the two to expose it to the public when they’re being taken for a ride. When necessary, we’ll bring Chris Hansen in.

GARY: See, I disagree with you, Anton. To me, this is like lobbyists - you need to know who's whispering in the media's ear.

CHRIS: Yeah, I agree.

GARY: Goddamn I'm persuasive.

CHRIS: "...pssst! Wii Music is going to be really hot..."

ANTON: Well, I think the gaming public understands (at least to a degree) that the games they see in a magazine aren't chosen simply because the editors like them.

GARY: Do they, though?

CHRIS: I'm not so sure about that.

ANTON: Your average gamer is an adult and knows that people are out there selling this stuff.

CHRIS: When I was young, I thought Nintendo Power was some independent publication. I didn't understand how that worked. To a degree, I REALLY didn't understand how it worked until I worked at a magazine. Did I mention I worked at a magazine? I worked at a magazine.

ANTON: Every letters section of every gaming mag has some guy writing in to say "Why does (insert gaming publication) hate Nintendo so much? Pokemon is teh best evar!”

GARY: Actually, that's something I think you see in the comments on this story - some of them - this attitude of "who cares, this happens all the time." That's so disappointing to me, but at the same time I get it - I mean, how many times has the gaming press disappointed gamers?

ANTON: A bajillion times. I'm a member of the gaming press, and I disappoint my wife every night

GARY: Gerstmann, anyone? "All I want for Xmas is a PSP”? Ubisoft allowing reviews to run early if they're sufficiently high?

ANTON: They are far from the only ones who pull that kind of thing.

GARY: There are TONS. I mean... we suck, man. Our reputation is zero. So people just shrug and go about their business when they hear about stuff like this, it’s par for the course. But apathy just allows more of it to go on, it’s a vicious cycle.

CHRIS: I think what works against guys like Richard Kain and guys like Sony who try to pull off these lame viral sites, is that gamers are a lot smarter than that. Word of mouth about a game gets around extremely quick these days and you have to think of crazier ways to counteract that and spin it. You literally have to keep up with the instant tide of internet opinion, which must be impossible.

ANTON: I guess my point is that people in the world today understand that they're constantly being marketed to. If a product has no marketing, then it's a product that no one has heard of.

GARY: That does it, I'm jumping out the window.

ANTON: Nice knowing you.

GARY: Wait, I'm on the first floor. Goddammit, nothing's going right!

CHRIS: Anyone who's laying down $50 for a game sight unseen probably has it coming to them. I'd say the same thing about movies and music. There's so much information and opinions out there on the web (and by, I don’t know, calling your friends) to cut through the shit, you don't have to make awful purchases. So that's the trick: getting someone to come to your site for a Golden, Trusted Opinion, and tricking them out of their money. And that's why what Richard Kain is doing is really douchebaggy.

ANTON: Well, I think Kain's big mistake was that he concealed it. He had a point that in today's world, media outlets are routinely owned by bigger companies that the media could conceivably report on.

GARY: True.

ANTON: Not saying that I agree, but it's a valid point.

CHRIS: The Entertainment Weekly, DC Comics relationship for example. EW routinely plugs DC Comic projects, but there are a lot of instances where they disclose that they are both owned by Time Warner, so I give them props. They're acknowledging their bosses and that they're operating within this weird, incestuous environment. And I think that makes it OK. That’s like laying all your cards on the table and saying, “We’re owned by Time-Warner. So after you read this review of Catwoman, don’t act so surprised.” Entertainment Weekly gave Catwoman a “B-” by the way. Does that make it OK? No, it’s shitty. But I feel better knowing the writers and editors were probably held to the fire on that one. And, with that knowledge, I got to other sources for a review of that movie.

ANTON: Right.

GARY: Transparency is the answer to so many of these issues. That is the big issue with Kain: the domain privacy aspect. There isn't a legit reason to do that, and you can't tell me it was just a random decision. You don't pay for something like that without a reason, and I can't think of a good reason to hide GameCyte's owners... not a clean one, anyway.

ANTON: I think that it's important that we recognize where Kain has a point, or we're gonna come across like a bunch of douchebags who are just here to slap each other on the back and say "Yay! We am so smart!"

CHRIS: I'm going to come off like a douchebag regardless.

ANTON: But to your point, I agree that keeping the domain registration private looks very shady. And Chris does always seem like a douchebag.

GARY: Ok, I've got one: Kain's only doing what readers allow him to do. If readers demanded more of their sources of information, if they finally said "no more shenanigans," I don't think Kain would do it. But maybe not enough people care.

CHRIS: I don’t know if readers are that active. I was told in college, and later at Wizard Magazine, to “write at an 8th Grade Level.” That’s an industry rule. And I think that’s even dropped over the years.

GARY: I’ve been instructed that by editors, and it drives me crazy. I believe there’s a desire out there for smart writing, and I’m tired of being told to dumb it down for some editor’s attitude that readers are borderline retarded. But dumbed-down writing is part of why a lot of readers have given up, I think.

CHRIS: I'm certainly not demanding more from my sources of information. Even though it's a big world of wide webs, I only have a handful of sites I trust for information. I know that’s my own fault. But I’ve just narrowed it down, like most people do. The Regular Joe (Joe Six Pack, you know that guy, gosh love him!) is probably just typing "Escape From Bug Island Review" and going from there. Maybe that will take him to GameCyte.

So my real point here is this: people suck. Am I right, people?

GARY: Yes. So don't feel bad Kain: the rest of the world is far worse. Um, that isn't a great point, is it?

ANTON: “At this risk of being unpopular, I place the blame squarely on you, the viewer.” - Kent Brockman

CHRIS: Ha!

GARY: Brockman speaks the truth! Maybe? Kinda?

ANTON: I wish he would interview Sarah Palin.

GARY: I'll do it. I want to talk to her about evolution... I might be able to slip it in there via Spore.

ANTON: Yeah, but you live in Arizona, so don't you have to vote for the McCain ticket by law?

GARY: It's such a bummer we're known for McCain and that fucking idiot Joe Arpaio.

ANTON: Well, you've also got, um... I got nothing.

CHRIS: You know, there's also the chance that we're looking at this through too wide of a lens: at the end of the day, we simply exposed a site that misrepresented itself, and now people know. That can't be PR-spun out of. One down...

GARY: Also on the bright side (and to Kain's credit): there are small disclosyres on those sites now. That's something.

ANTON: Yes. So you did make a difference, however small.

CHRIS: Did you spell disclosyres with a "Y" because you're into vampire romance novels now, or is it just because you suck at spelling?

GARY: I suck at typing, thank you very much. Ultimately all we could hope for was that people would get information they didn't have before. And if they still want to read GameCyte, god bless - they have all the tools to make that decision now.

CHRIS: Actually, if you know the score, it's not a terrible site. They certainly post more than my happy ass.

ANTON: That's a good point. At the end of the day, GameCyte's not that bad. They've done some good stories. They just needed to admit their backing.

GARY: I can’t believe you guys. Okay, I'll be the contrarian: the fox is still guarding the henhouse, he's just made a press release announcing it. The conflict of interest still exists, all the disclosures in the world doesn’t remove that.

ANTON: But think about this. GameCyte may not be a big site, and our calling them out may have not been a huge story. But maybe some other PR company was considering a similar move, and maybe this convinced them not to. And maybe Duke Nukem Forever will actually come out some day.

CHRIS: Ha! Gary, how do you think they could have handled this differently when confronted?

GARY: Honestly?

CHIRS: Yeah

GARY: Like, really honestly?

CHRIS: Yes goddammit. Do I stutter?

GARY: Stonewall me. Here’s the thing: if he had thought about it, he might have realized I wasn’t asking any questions I didn’t already know the answer to. I had a pile of evidence, but there’s nothing like getting it from the horse’s mouth – so essentially he was being called for a confirmation. So if Kain had said "Nope, not true, not correct, your sources are lying, do your fucking homework goodbye" - I might not have felt comfortable running it, even if I knew he was lying… I mean, to quote A Few Good Men: it’s not what I know, it’s what I can prove. Unfortunately for him (and fortunately for me), he confirmed everything. And in my opinion, kinda made it worse.

CHRIS: Are you listening, future PR expose targets?

GARY: Don’t you dare talk to me! I’ll fuck up your action!

ANTON: We're coming for you! More accurately, Gary is coming for you while we hide behind him.

CHRIS: I just wish it would have ended with him crying like Keyser Soze. "It's all true! IT'S ALL TRUE!"

GARY: Look, to his credit - and I'm being honest here - he did talk to me, and did what he could to explain a situation that’s… well, hard to explain. I appreciate that, and respect it.

ANTON: He did.

CHRIS: And that picture of him was very handsome.

ANTON: He also pretty much called you an unprofessional tool in his follow up comment.

GARY: Heh. Well what else would he say, really?

CHRIS: "Thank you for forcing me to clear my conscience. Now I can see Jesus in the heaven."

ANTON: Did you contact the GameCyte writers? He says you didn't.

CHRIS: What would the GameCyte writers say? Nothing if they wanted to keep their jobs.

GARY: I’m glad you brought that up. But first: that's why I ran the conversation only barely edited, in transcript form - because I didn't want to be accused of cherry-picking quotes from him and shaping a story that wasn’t there. As a matter of fact I did e-mail them, TWICE, through GameCyte's main e-mail address, and never heard back. But you know what, that's fine... As a scum-sucking writer, I resented his urging me to turn the spotlight off him – where it belongs – and onto these twenty-something, paycheck-collecting guys who work for him. I told him as much in the conversation: Henning et al aren't the story. The way these three companies fit together – with you in the middle - is the story. The conflict of interest is the story.

ANTON: Good answer, senator.

GARY: And practically speaking: what would I ask them, seriously? I can only think of one valid question: "Who signs your paychecks? Okay, thanks for talking to me.” The rest is retarded. "Have you ever inflated a review score? Has your boss ever done or asked you to do anything unethical?" Are you fucking serious? Let me write the interviews, Richard.

CHRIS: If they were EX-writers, that's the only way you'd find out.

GARY: Either they haven't done anything questionable and they'll say “no”, or they have and they'll say... wait for it... “no”.

CHRIS: Depends on what kind of nipple clamps and car batteries you have at your disposal, I guess.

ANTON: Well, did your duties ever overlap? Did you work on PR stuff at the same time you were writing for the site? That’s what I’d ask.

GARY: Sure, but the problem is they’re in a vulnerable position. I will say this - and Anton, you can back me up here because you saw everything I was working with - I had more. Much more. But I didn't run everything we had because some of it either 1) couldn't be proven to my satisfaction, or 2) was such narrowly-known information that Kain would’ve been able to identify the leaks.

ANTON: I can and do back you on that.

GARY: Which is also why I found his response comment a little ballsy. I liked his candor with Takahashi better: "I fucked up." Stick with that.

ANTON: He was being honest there.

GARY: And you know, his reply to our story was just a few hours after it ran, and only a day or two after our conversation - so he was probably a little worked up and defensive. I get that.

CHRIS: Anger, denial, acceptance...

ANTON: When do we get to the "pudding" phase?

GARY: Where is make-up sex in this equation?

ANTON: Between you and Rich Kain?

GARY: I don't know why I said that, or what I'm suggesting. Let's move on.

ANTON: opod call.

ANTON: Jesus, I can’t type.

CHRIS: opod call?

ANTON: opods are awesome. They're like Chinese iPods.

GARY: I wanted to bring up a larger topic, unless someone has something they'd like to add I was reading Sore Thumbs today - former EGM ed Dan Hsu's blog - and he was talking about a lot of related subjects... transparency, ethics, etc…

CHRIS: Guys, I might have to bounce pretty soon to take care of some stuff. The wife and I need to go take care of some stuff, if you know what I mean. And what I mean is not sex!

ANTON: Then I don't know what you mean.

GARY: So how much longer do you have?

CHRIS: 10 minutes

GARY: Okay, well my question is quick, and you can answer first. Obviously transparency is the baseline - tell your readers everything, disclose all relationships, etc. But obviously that's not the only thing you have to do. Chris disclosing the fact EA bought him a gold-plated Volkswagen bus packed with hookers doesn't change the fact he got a golden bus full of whores. So what is and isn’t appropriate? Where is the line?

CHRIS: Hmmm... I do enjoy my golden whores. Thanks EA!

GARY: Sellout.

CHRIS: I think disclosing it, actually, takes care of most of it right there. Example: Harvey Pekar says he's a sell out, and a cheapskate, and he's proud of it. That doesn't take away from his image: it adds to it. He of American Splendor, the original indie comic, fame. He’ll come speak at your college, but he’s going to want an honorarium or something.

GARY: So for example: What if Capcom invites you out for a weekend in the Bay Area looking at their latest games, and will pay for the hotel and food. Do you accept? WHAT DO YOU DO? /Keanu

CHRIS: That's how it works though. All these magazines that do set visits to big movies are entering into an agreement of guaranteed coverage, embargoed coverage, etc...

ANTON: You attend if you can pay for your own travel and hotel, or your media outlet can pay for it. But if it's a free ride, that's across the line for sure. I see no problem with review copies and small swag to promote games. After all, it makes sense for reviewers to get the product they review. That's my view, anyway. And a t-shirt isn't going to change anyone's mind about a game. But a Halo 3 bundle with a game, Xbox 360, cat helmet and a boatload of other swag is far too much.

CHRIS: If I say "Listen, to make sure I give Celebrity Sports Showdown a good review, they gave me 10 golden whores. Now here's my review..." I don't see the problem with that. Actually, I disagree with turning down a “free ride.” I’m fine with taking a free ride from PR Companies as long as their demands don’t conflict with mine. Those free rides come with a price: guaranteed coverage, ball-fondling, etc..

GARY: Yeah, the $800 halo bag was appalling

CHRIS: We get swag all the time, but no reviewer is dumb enough (I think) to give a game a better review because he got a Deca Sports sweatband. Except maybe Earl Dittman of Wireless Magazine.

GARY: When it comes to review copies, doesn't that make you a little friendlier to the publisher when you get one - especially since a few don't give us the time of day? It might not translate into an extra Blue Pig Ganon head, but can you deny it makes you think, "Hey, Company A is actually nice"?

CHRIS: I never think Company A is "actually nice." Like a stripper, they have a job to do. Actually, believe it or not, I get along pretty well with a PR guy (can't remember his name) that sends me his stuff even though he knows we might trash it. That's still good press. I ran something shitty about this game Toy Shop or something, and apparently everyone in the office was talking about it. They all knew the game sucked, you know. I think they got a kick out of it. And, hey, free press for them, and some humor for us.

GARY: But on the other hand, I haven't gotten Sony to respond to my e-mails in months. And I think some rough reviews of Lair et al had something to do with it.

ANTON: I won’t change my opinion on a game based on the fact that it was free. But, in all honesty, if a company treats me well, I'll give them the same consideration. For example, I got a free copy of Too Human. I'm open about that. I gave the game a mediocre review, because I thought it was a mediocre game. I could have had more fun with it and bashed it more for fun, but I didn't do it, because the game didn't deserve it and the PR guy who gave me the game didn't deserve to have the game raked over the coals for sport.

GARY: By the same token: would you have disliked Too Human more if you were out $60?

ANTON: Fair question. I think I would have felt exactly the same about it, though. I buy enough games to know the sting of disappointment when I get a bad one, so it's easy to keep that in mind.

CHRIS: Yes. I try to write my reviews from the perspective of a guy who didn't get it sent Overnight Delivery to his doorstep. I hope that's appreciated by people, anyway.

GARY: I mean, I think I lean in the "populist" direction: some gamers only buy a few games a year. One mediocre game can become a colossal waste of money. My personal choice is: I won’t review a game I didn’t pay for.

CHRIS: You could take a step back from the commerce and economics of it and treat it as "art," but for the Village Voice I have been trying not to. There's a big difference between a niche industry review and a newspaper review in a free paper anyone might pick up. I'm going to spend less time on the frame rate, and more on "Why should I drop $200 on new plastic guitars?"

ANTON: And to Chris' point, all press is in a way good press. Publishers are more concerned with number of page hits than content of reviews in many cases. Bad reviews still help move copies.

GARY: I have to admit, doing the TriplePoint piece has made me think about my relationship with publishers. I mean, you can't fling poo like I did without wondering if someone could toss some back. I saw on Jeremy Parish's blog the Mega Man 9 promo kit, and wanted one so bad, e-mailed my contact at Capcom to see if they had any left... then immediately afterward was like “Oh shit, maybe I shouldn’t have done that.” And I'm not even reviewing MM9!

CHRIS: Haha. Hey man, no harm in asking. Well, maybe not. I used to ask for Pac-Man shit from Namco all the time. They didn't deliver.

ANTON: If a game is bad, then it’s bad, regardless of whether you got a review copy or not. I will never say its good just because I got it free.

CHRIS: I won't either, and yet... I love free swag

GARY: Maybe YOU won't let some free swag affect your score, but that requires a level of integrity that can't be assumed or expected to exist across the board.

CHRIS: No.

ANTON: But we have to put some of on the readers. If they get burned by buying a game based on a bogus review, they have to take some responsibility for not doing more research. If you buy a car and you don't like it, is it the dealer's fault you didn't realize that it had uncomfortable seats?

CHRIS: So that's why the disclosure is important. Gary, you could ask for the Mega Man promo kit simply to review it, like Unboxing Porn.

GARY: What about the Chun Li, 3-input Real Doll they sent me?

CHRIS: You gotta clean it out once a week. Too much hassle.

ANTON: How are her thighs?

GARY: Now? Gnawed down to her metal skeleton.

ANTON: Mmm. Meaty

CHRIS: Ok shit I gotta go. I'll have to flesh this out later. I posted a rumor post thingy. Bye!

(Chris has left chat)

GARY: What did he say? He just posted a rumor?

ANTON: Yeah. And yet I see nothing

GARY: "Gary Hodges gnawed Chun Li Real Doll to pieces"?

ANTON: Hope not. I was gonna post that.

GARY: I'll help you with the story and give you pictures.

On Palin and NeoGAF

ANTON: Nice! so anyway, anything else you wanna discuss?

GARY: Palin. I'm terrified.

ANTON: As you should be. But I think Obama's got this one locked up

GARY: We can only hope. So, I hope that NeoGAF guy isn’t too bummed by the board’s underreaction.

ANTON: Haha, he'll be fine

GARY: I really did get banned from there, for "viral marketing" of all things.

ANTON: Really?

GARY: In a thread about gamer art, I posted some of the Blue Pig Ganon shit we’ve done and talked up Joystick Division. Banned.

ANTON: Lame… so lame. They're a bunch of freaks anyway

GARY: I had two people e-mail me suggesting there’s dirt NeoGAF, but nothing specific. It’s a shame. I’d love to throw the curtain back on them.

ANTON: That would be fun

GARY: Look, they were total assholes to Dyack. The grandstanding Malka did in banning him was amazingly petty. Granted, Dyack brought a lot of it on himself…

ANTON: Yes he did.

GARY: Oh, the guy totally self-immolated. But Malka’s… well, there was essentially a press release accompanying Dyack’s banning, and you could tell it was coming from a personal place, he was just mad Dyack had slighted the site. And they just piled on.

ANTON: That's what they do.

GARY: Well... someday. Someday we'll get them.

ANTON: They're on the list!

GARY: Mmmm... revenge. Hate... I feel it. It's making me powerful.

ANTON: Give in to the Dark side

GARY: Done. Now send me that golden bus full 'o hookers.

ANTON: I'll order 'em right up.

In Memorium

GARY: Should we say a few kind words about our dearly departed (not actually dead) editor, Jeff Shaw?

ANTON: Jeff, I've only been ruining this site for a short time now, but it's been a pleasure working with you.

CHRIS: Yay! Back. I gotta give Jeff Shaw huge props.

GARY: Jeff Shaw is the greatest man I know. I intend to name my first wife after Jeff.

CHRIS: I mean "poops." Misspelled.

GARY: He'll be so touched. Huge poops are something you always forget to buy when setting up a new place.

CHRIS: Now I just feel like we're wrapping up our speech for Best Hip Hop album.

ANTON: I'd like to thank Jesus, Big Pun, and Artie Liebowitz, my business manager.

GARY: Kanye shoulda won.