Joystick Division supporter viciously attacked, “K” carved in his face

By Gary Hodges in Gaming News
Friday, October 24, 2008 at 2:57 pm
victim.jpg

PHOENIX – A Joystick Division worker claims he was mugged at an ATM Thursday night, then attacked when the mugger noticed his Joystick Division bumper sticker: the villain carving the letter “K” in his face with “a toothpick or toenail, I couldn’t tell” claims Gary Hodges, writer for the gaming blog and pitiable victim.

“All he said to me was, ‘Joystick Division, eh? I’m gunna teach you a lesson, I’m gunna teach you to be a Kotaku reader,’” said Hodges. “It was like a nightmare. Except, you know, real. It really happened.”

“I think he sexually assaulted me while I was blacked out, too,” Hodges added. “So, you know... it wasn’t a total loss.”

Hodges had no explanation why the letter “K” on his face is reversed, almost as if he had scratched it into his own cheek using a mirror without realizing it would be backwards. Another reporter pointed out Hodges’ black eye “looks [Photo]shopped. I can tell from the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in my time.”

At that point, Hodges’ attorney Chris Ward (Esq.) jumped into the fray. “Let's not start blaming the victim, here. I think we’re blaming the victim. Let’s be careful not the blame the victim,” Ward deftly argued. “The important thing is that this could have happened.” Asked what exactly the fuck that meant, Ward ended the press conference and fled the scene.

As of press time, Hodges has not allowed himself to be examined by a physician, has declined to report the incident to police, has changed his MySpace page to private and, apparently, cancelled his gym membership.

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