Joystick Division supporter viciously attacked, “K” carved in his face
Posted by Gary Hodges at 2:57 PM Oct 24, 2008
PHOENIX – A Joystick Division worker claims he was mugged at an ATM Thursday night, then attacked when the mugger noticed his Joystick Division bumper sticker: the villain carving the letter “K” in his face with “a toothpick or toenail, I couldn’t tell” claims Gary Hodges, writer for the gaming blog and pitiable victim.
“All he said to me was, ‘Joystick Division, eh? I’m gunna teach you a lesson, I’m gunna teach you to be a Kotaku reader,’” said Hodges. “It was like a nightmare. Except, you know, real. It really happened.”
“I think he sexually assaulted me while I was blacked out, too,” Hodges added. “So, you know... it wasn’t a total loss.”
Hodges had no explanation why the letter “K” on his face is reversed, almost as if he had scratched it into his own cheek using a mirror without realizing it would be backwards. Another reporter pointed out Hodges’ black eye “looks [Photo]shopped. I can tell from the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in my time.”
At that point, Hodges’ attorney Chris Ward (Esq.) jumped into the fray. “Let's not start blaming the victim, here. I think we’re blaming the victim. Let’s be careful not the blame the victim,” Ward deftly argued. “The important thing is that this could have happened.” Asked what exactly the fuck that meant, Ward ended the press conference and fled the scene.
As of press time, Hodges has not allowed himself to be examined by a physician, has declined to report the incident to police, has changed his MySpace page to private and, apparently, cancelled his gym membership.
Comments
Lord British could so beat up Wil Wright.
Posted 10/24/2008 at 07:49:26 PMWeird shit.
Posted 10/24/2008 at 09:27:04 PMYou got your ass beat bitch.... KOTAKU.COM 4 LIFE BITCH
Posted 10/24/2008 at 09:51:54 PMForwarded to Drudge Report...
Posted 10/24/2008 at 10:01:19 PM@Gary Hodges
I like Mabel. She's the bomb.
Posted 10/24/2008 at 10:49:03 PMYou sir, are full of win.
Posted 10/24/2008 at 11:09:15 PMThe googles, doez nothingz
Posted 10/25/2008 at 02:07:56 AMI'm going to beat his ass again if I see him on the street
Posted 10/25/2008 at 02:17:17 AMGG joining the lol-train to help harm Kotaku's creditability.
I still think CAG did a better job, posting no content themselves and successfully got Kotaku to post the story.
Posted 10/25/2008 at 04:34:25 AMThis is so stupid. You guys have nothing else to do?
Posted 10/25/2008 at 09:02:53 AMphotoshop'd black eye, I have had far to meny to count and none have ever looked like that.
FAKE as the day is long
Posted 10/25/2008 at 11:04:31 AMInstead of you unsuccessful posting about a stupid, fake blog entry... you ignorant people could be posting REAL gaming news like www.kotaku.com They update their site EVERY 20 MINUTES. And you guys does this stupid ass shit. By the way, why is this site's layout so god-awful?
Posted 10/25/2008 at 01:25:47 PMYou guys should feel like the biggest douche bags in the weird.
Posted 10/25/2008 at 03:31:19 PMThe women would said she got robbed and had a "b" carved into her face actually has severe mental problems, and you guys must have too, to run a Bullshit story like this.
'Shopped. You guys are lame.
Posted 10/25/2008 at 04:00:46 PMBackwards "K" = Fail .... try again.
Posted 10/26/2008 at 12:33:34 AMAwesome!
I have to wonder if some of the commenter's didn't get the joke. Check out current events. Some others did get it but felt that it was in poor taste. To them I say lighten up. The lady who did it wasted everyone's time in a poor attempt to grab attention, enforce racial stereotypes, boost McCain votes and lower Barak votes (she was a McCain Campaign Volunteer). The fact that she has mental problems doesn't make what she did any better. This wasn't a plea for help, it was a poorly thought out ploy, and thus totally open to lampooning.
Kotaku linked to this in good fun, and I think its totally awesome.
Posted 10/27/2008 at 12:24:03 PM