Banner Characters REVEALED! Part 2

Posted by Gary Hodges at 3:18 AM Jun 30, 2008

Here we go, banner characters 9 through 16 identified one-by-one... click through for the answers, with only one day to go before the winners are announced!

#9: Starwyvern, Dragon Warrior
(Nintendo Entertainment System, 1989) "Most Misleading"

Starwyvern was a Chris Ward pick, rounding out his pair from the vintage NES RPG Dragon Warrior. His thoughts:

I love/hate the Starwyvern from Dragon Warrior because he’s so godamned goofy-looking and badass at the same time. The NES original looks like they plopped Donald Duck’s head on the ass-end of a snake and threw in some pink Hot Topic wings. “Cool, I’ll kick the shit out of this thing,” right?

Wrong. This pink nightmare will fire breathe your nuts off and kick your maimed, pathetic body back to Charlock Isle. They should have called this guy “Thou Art Dead, Asshole,” because that’s what’s going to happen to you. After “> Run?”, the only battle option should have been “> Bend Over?” Before online strategy guides and walkthroughs turned us all into over-confident pussies, I was shaking in my Magic Armor every time I crossed the bridge into Hauksness territory, waiting to hear that seizure inducing, jarring madness of an “enemy ecounter” noise.

I tried to run but it did no good. I tried hitting it, but its hit points hath only been reduced by 1. I cast “Heal,” he casts “Healmore.” What the fuck…”HealMORE?” What’s this “Infinity Plus 1” bullshit? Eat me, Starwyvern.

Anyways, I created an art print describing my experience, an unsuccessfully sold it online. Probably because of the panic attacks it causes.

Chris's commemorative art. Click on it to get the full effect.

It might sound like Chris' bad experiences have inflated Starwyvern's lethality, but there's actually a very clear technical justification for the hate and fear. Here we see a map of Dragon Warrior's world (courtesy of the Dragon Warrior Shrine), color-coded to see the zones certain denizens dwell in:

Now look at this right here, in the Eastern area of the map...

See, now here's your problem! (In my best hick mechanic voice):

For whatever reason - either sloppiness or sadism - Dragon Warrior's designers allowed Starwyvern kin to creep into a small area of a distant shore. The problem with this intrusion is that Starwyvern is one of the most powerful enemies in the game, while the area he's crept into is decidedly for lower and middle-level adventurers.

In short: bump into Starwyvern there, and you're hopelessly fucked. You're literally not meant to see one at that stage of your world-saving career.

Starwyvern got the award for "Most Misleading": the character most consistently mistaken for another character entirely - in this case, a simple Wyvern from the same game. They are certainly the same genus, but not the same species.

Starwyvern and Wyvern, respectively

Only Starwyvern has a bubblegum pink pelt - indeed, he's the only one badass enough to pull it off. Specificity counts, so identifying it as a Wyvern is incorrect.

#10: Pitfall Harry, Pitfall!

(Atari 2600, 1982)

Pitfall Harry was nominated by Joystick Division's editor, Jeff Shaw. Jeff's not just a great man, but a powerful one. Not just physically, but something about his essence. Just sitting across a table from him you can feel it.

He also happens to be my boss. Here's what Jeff sent along on ol' Pitfall Harry:

I have a particular fondness for the time when -- in the words of Vast Aire -- "Every video game was 8-bit/and you would get punched in the mouth for talkin' shit." Hence my lone contribution: Pitfall Harry. Vine-swinger over (and, occasionally into) black tar pits! Dancer of the closed-mouth crocodile heads! Collector of Activision treasures. One of the game's sequels even included the voice of Bruce Campbell as the lone adventurer. What's not to like?

Pitfall! is one of those games I've been meaning to go back to, since when I first played it I was so young I couldn't even get past the first few screens - now I think I could give it an honest effort.

Obviously, Pitfall Harry was the only character in the banner to retain his original, untouched visual splendor (it's not an actual scaled-up image, but I redrew it on graph paper staying faithful to the original pixels). There were three reasons I did this:

1. I knew from the start I wanted at least one very retro character in all his pixelated glory sharing space with the redrawn characters (at one point, I was going to do the Pong paddles, but it's a better idea in theory than practice).

2. Official art of Pitfall Harry is amazingly disappointing. He ranges from a generic Indiana Jones lookalike to an even more generic pith helmet-wearing khaki-clad explorer... neither, by the way, looking anything like his in-game persona.

3. Come on, how iconic is this?:

That's Pitfall Harry. That's videogames. Deviating from it is a mistake.

Everyone got Pitfall Harry correct, which - given the fact that icon is now 26 years old - is actually kinda impressive. It's terrifying, though, to think of it in those terms... 26 years old. Holy shit, I feel like a relic.

#11: ("Blue Pig") Ganon, The Legend of Zelda

(Nintendo Entertainment System, 1987)

Blue Pig Ganon - naturally - was my choice. Because as Kenny from Queens Of The Pwn Age observed:

You seem to have a bit of a boner for blue pig ganon, something to confess?

Other than my love of Blue Pig Ganon, you mean? No, nothing to confess at all.

I've already typed more words than maybe any other game writer out there on Link's original adversary, here (where I argue he's the #1 character who should've been included in the latest Smash Bros. game). He also snuck into the #2 use for a Wii Fit Board once you're done with that "game". But I'm not done with him yet. My campaign for BPG to get the respect and exposure he deserves will never end. And don't be surprised if he finds himself in future Joystick Division swag (not for sale, of course... my BPG campaign ends right at the line where Nintendo would sue me into nonexistence).

And now, a moment for the Karate Pig:

Almost everyone got BPG correct, though one entrant mistook him for a lowly Moblin. Fie, fie!

#12: Goemon (or "Kid Ying"), The Legend of the Mystical Ninja

(Super Nintendo Entertainment System, 1992)

Goemon (or Kid Ying in the inexplicable American translation, either were correct) was a pick from Jonathan McNamara.

If you never played it and happen to have a Wii, The Legend of the Mystical Ninja is on the Virtual Console and still a lot of fun. It's the first Goemon game that found its way to the States, apparently there are ten million other titles in Japan.

Did you know Goemon is a (quasi)historical figure? I didn't. From Wikipedia:

Ishikawa Goemon (石川 五右衛門? 1558-1594) was a legendary ninja warrior and bandit hero who stole gold and valuables and gave them to the poor. There is little historical information on Goemon's life, and thus he has become a folk hero, whose background and origins have been widely speculated upon. He is notable for being boiled alive after a failed assassination attempt on Toyotomi Hideyoshi. A large iron kettle-shaped bathtub is now called a Goemon-buro (Goemon-bath).

In one version of the story, Goemon tried to assassinate Hideyoshi to avenge the death of his wife and capture of his son, Gobei. He entered Hideyoshi's room but knocked a bell off a table. The noise awoke the samurai guards and he was captured. He was sentenced to death by being boiled alive in an iron cauldron along with his young son, but was able to save his son by holding him above the oil.

In another version, Goemon wanted to kill Hideyoshi because he was a despot. When he entered Hideyoshi's room, he was detected by a mystical incense burner. He was executed on August 24 along with his whole family by being boiled in oil.

I wonder what it smelled like in there? Anyway, both Goemon and the guy he was trying to kill, Toyotomi Hideyoshi appear in a few of Koei's games, too, along with everyone else who had even a tangential relationship to Oda Nobunaga. Here's a painting of the real Goemon:

And here's a real-life "Goemon-buro", though at a much more enjoyable temperature:

Goemon was moderately difficult for entrants. People either knew exactly who he was, or didn't even have a guess.

#13: Pipboy, Fallout

(PC, 1997)

Ah, Pipboy! Pipboy's sunny visage was nominated by Ward Rubrecht, for reasons he clearly lays out here:

Fallout and Fallout 2, more than any RPG previous (and most since) immersed the player in a living world where your choices mattered - and unlike Mass Effect and other modern choice-based RPGs, you're given more nuanced options than "be nice" or "be a dick." Pipboy is the cartoon character used in the game's government propaganda to explain everything from the proper protocol for dealing with mutants to how to have safe sex after being exposed to radiation. Bonus: Awesome 30's style sci-fi and post apocalyptica.

Pipboy was probably the most fun to draw, I'm not sure why. He just seems so pleasant. Even my girlfriend, looking over my shoulder at a few points during the banner-making process, stopped to say she liked Pipboy especially.

Official Pipboy art

I guess it makes sense. In a post-apocalyptic wasteland crawling with cutthroats, mutants and toxic dangers, who else would you pick to make everything seem okay? Here's a pic of Pipboy showing how he doesn't worry about the little things:

Pipboy was another one people either knew, or didn't even have a clue.

#14: Birdo, Super Mario Bros. 2

(Nintendo Entertainment System, 1988)

Birdo was recommended by Jonathan McNamara, apparently due to his/her unique spot in videogame character gender identity history. While the official manual for Super Mario Bros. 2 swapped Birdo's name for Ostro's, the text is indeed referring to him. Or her. Or... what?:

Oh dear. Clearly, this is not the sort of thing that would fly today, so since then Birdo has been retconned by Nintendo as female, usually pairing "her" with Yoshi as a sort of romantic counterpart. Yoshi, the male who lays eggs.

It's all so confusing.

However much uncertainty surrounds Birdo's gender identity, entrants were unanimous: nobody got Birdo wrong. And I would hope not: "she" appears almost every Mario sports title Nintendo puts out.

And for the last reveal of the day, a pair of characters:

#15 & 16: Alis Landale and Myau, Phantasy Star
(Sega Master System, 1988)

The Phantasy Star series being a personal favorite of mine, I nominated this classic duo. Alis is the main character from Phantasy Star, the first person to confront and (temporarily) defeat Dark Force, the series' recurring ultimate enemy. Myau, a musk cat, was the first "person" to join with her on her quest to avenge her brother's death at the hands of an evil king's thugs.

Here's how Alis and Myau appear in the instruction manual:

And here's Alis on the title screen, then Myau's introduction in a cutscene:

Phantasy Star was amazingly ahead of its time - if it had been on the NES (or if the SMS had been more successful), I'm sure we'd be playing Phantasy Star XII and XIII today instead of Dragon Quest VIII and Final Fantasy XII. The game really was a technical marvel: full screen 3D mazes, graphics that were so good they looked better than many 16-bit games, and sound and music (especially the Mark III version) that has stood the test of time. Just look at it compared to one of its contemporaries, Pool of Radiance for the PC (by the way: another outstanding, amazing game):

Phantasy Star and AD&D: Pool of Radiance, both 1988

Likewise, PSI's fantasy sci-fi aesthetic was unique among RPGs at the time, albeit derivative of the Star Wars trilogy: in the game, you fly a spaceship back and forth from a desert, ice, and lush green world (sound familiar?), and even some enemies resemble Star Wars creatures - the desert dwelling Motavians, for example, are clearly ripoffs of Jawas.

But PSI was great. Personally, I found PSII lacking by comparison (but still amazing), PSIII trash (but novel), and PSIV a criminally underplayed classic. That's mostly Sega's fault, slapping a $90 price tag on the game and then having the gall to throw it in a shitty cardboard package about as sturdy as a box of cornflakes.

I still hope against hope Sega will get their shit together and someday do a proper sequel to the series, not this Diablo-clone bullshit they've been doing with Phantasy Star Online. Hire up someone who knows how to make great JRPGs (like the team behind Persona 3) and have them do a full-fledged PSV with a heavily anime-inspired aesthetic, a simple yet addictive combat system, and an epic story. Use the sci-fi angle as a plot device to band all the great heroes from the series (Alis, Odin, Noah, Myau, Rolf, Rudo, Nei, Wren, Alys, Chaz, etc.) together, skipping through time to fight every incarnation of Dark Force as a team once and for all.

If you do this, Sega, I'll even pony up another $90 for it. Fuck, I'll help you write it for a penny a word. I'll sweep up around the office and make coffee, dammit, whatever you need to get it done.

Alis and Myau were tricky for people - a lot of people thought they knew who they were, but didn't.

That's it for today, guys! Are you keeping track? Tomorrow is the big conclusion: all the remaining banner characters identified! One of them gets the title of "Most Confusing", that damn #18. Why was he so hard to ID? Well, that's partly my fault... more on that tomorrow.

And our first, second and third place winners will named, too!