Banner Characters REVEALED! Part 1

Posted by Gary Hodges at 6:34 PM Jun 29, 2008

I have to say: participation in the Banner Contest was outstanding. A surprising number of readers took up the challenge of naming every character in the JD banner, and a special thanks goes out to everyone who gave it a shot!

Now that the contest has concluded, though, it’s time to reveal who’s who. Due to the number of characters in the banner, I’m not going to reveal everyone in a single post; instead we’ll reveal characters 1 through 8 today, characters 9 through 16 tomorrow, and then on Tuesday (July 1) we’ll reveal the rest of the characters, as well as the first and second place winners.

Speaking of which: I just finished the scoring this morning, and it was extremely close. Out of 46 possible “points” (23 characters, 1 point for a name plus 1 point for the game the character first appeared in), our first place winner netted 42. Two other entrants tied for second place with 40 points, one chosen over the other for entering earlier. But all the entries I got were at least above the 50% margin, which I thought was pretty good. If I hadn’t drawn the damn thing, there’re a few I never would've gotten right.

Not in the first eight, though – I would’ve nailed those, no problem. Mostly because I picked the hardest one in the batch. Let’s see who they are.

#1: Gourmet (Shy) Guy, Paper Mario
(Nintendo 64, 2001)

Gourmet Shy Guy was Chris Ward's pick, so I'll let him do the honors:

The original Paper Mario is pretty great for a lot of reasons. For one, they named Princess Peach’s anthropomorphic star friend “Twink,” which has a one connotation in the Mushroom Kingdom, and another with Mushroom Tattoo enthusiasts (go ahead and search “Mushroom Tattoo Twink” in Google search if you’re confused. Especially if you’re at work, school, a public place or at church.)

But Gourmet Guy takes the cake…literally! (Dammit, I promised myself I wouldn’t do that.) In addition to being little bitches, Shy Guys have always been visually appealing characters to me, and Gourmet Guy is just an awesomely rotund version of that. I love any character that starts with a basic visual template, and tweaks the color and props ever so slightly—just like Star Wars’ Stormtroopers, or each crazy incarnation of the TMNT Foot Soldiers in those games (yellow boomerang Foot Soldiers mean business!).

I bought Paper Mario on the Wii’s Virtual Console just to play the entire “Shy Guy’s Toy Box” section again where the Shy Guys scream and run around, and to see the camera zoom in Gourmet Guy’s face when you feed him shortcake and he practically orgasms. Still, I can’t figure out why a guy who loves to eat non-stop insists on wearing a mask with a tiny mouth hole.

Here's a pic of Gourmet Shy Guy as he originally appeared:

Most entrants got Gourmet Shy Guy, so he wasn't too difficult. And for those worrying about it: when I was scoring, I accepted either "Gourmet Shy Guy" or "Gourmet Guy" as correct. Simply calling him a Shy Guy, though, wasn't exact enough.

#2: Scout, Team Fortress 2
(Multiplatform, 2007)

The scout was picked by Nate Patrin.

Familiar and notorious to anyone who's played TF2 even a little, scouts are the nimble little fuckers who zip through maps like cheetahs, double jump like Samus Aran out and clobber people from behind (or the side, or in front) with baseball bats. I can say that of all the chars in TF2, scouts are the only ones that put me on high alert when spotted.

Valve released some hilarious trailers showing off each TF2 class, and if you haven't seen them, you should. Here's the scout's:

This frame from the vid is what I used as my reference, though I swapped him for blue team. Cuz blue is better.

Scout is another that didn't give people too much trouble, just a hair more difficult than Gourmet Shy Guy.

#3: Nathan "Rad" Spencer, Bionic Commando
(Nintendo Entertainment System, 1988)

Jonathan McNamara picked Rad for the banner, but if he hadn't I would've because Rad Spencer should be mentioned in any conversations about videogames, anywhere, ever. I spoke about Rad extensively in my feature on characters that should've been in Super Smash Bros. Melee, which you can find here.

Rad was one of a few characters in the banner that demanded some imagination to draw, since the sources are either crude or inconsistent. For example, I tossed out Rad's appearance on the U.S. game box immediately, since it continued Capcom's 80s tradition of having some of the worst, most unrepresentative art in the world for their otherwise brilliant games:

But here's how Rad appears in-game and between levels:

For a last little gem, the totally wicked art from the Japanese version (unlike the NA version, which had all the Nazi references and imagery removed):

Bionic Commando Rearmed - a remake of the NES game - is coming to the PS3, Xbox 360, and PC in the next month or so. I'm recusing myself from even reviewing it, since I want to give it 10 out of 10, 5 out of 5, 100% and an A+ on principle. I am bummed they decided to trade Rad's original fiery locks for a more conventional buzz cut, though.

Just about everyone got Rad Spencer right, either because 1) of the aforementioned Super Smash Bros. feature, or 2) JD readers just have extraordinarily good taste in games.

#4: King Hippo, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
(Nintendo Entertainment System, 1987)

King Hippo was another Chris Ward pick.

Personally, King Hippo always bothered me as a kid - namely, his bandaged belly button. For some reason it grossed me out that something was wrong with his belly button, and that Little Mac was cruel and calculating enough to capitalize on that by punching the injury over and over again until the monarch collapsed in agony.

King Hippo, 1987

This also tied in to my curiosity about fat people's belly buttons, questions I still have 20 years later. Does the "bottom" of the belly button stay in the same spot, or does a belly button's depth stay the same no matter how fat you get? Like, if you're morbidly obese like King Hippo, is your belly button like a foot deep? Could you hide a roll of coins in there? Does it open up all sorts of gay sex play possibilities? Does it fill with some sort of awful navel smegma that you're forced to flush out by inserting the end of a garden hose once every few weeks?

Every single entrant got King Hippo. If it came down to a tie I would've viewed "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!" as the more correct answer, but it didn't, so simply "Punch-Out!!" was fine.

#5: Slime, Dragon Warrior
(Nintendo Entertainment System, 1989)

Another character from Chris Ward. His thoughts:

Like Shy Guys, here’s another simple but appealing character from the original NES Dragon Warrior. Dragon Warrior was my first NES game (free with a subscription to Nintendo Power!) and I fucking HATED it. I had never played an RPG before, and didn’t like what I saw. Imagine playing Super Mario Bros. for the first time, and the first Goomba you meet nearly beats the shit out of you. And without hands, no less. That’s what playing Dragon Warrior was like for me. “What the fuck is this green turd? How is it even attacking me? Why is it smiling? Turn this off, and let’s play Bump N’ Jump instead.” A beat down from a sweetly retarded Hershey’s Kiss felt pretty lame compared to the instant gratification of murdering mushrooms and turtles.

But, like the perpetually, clinically depressed Goombas, I grew to love these little guys. Slime was all the rage in the eighties, so it was inevitable that I would embrace these gooey gumdrops of death right alongside You Can’t Do That On Television, the He-Man Slime Chamber, and Slimer’s Ecto Cooler Hi-C juice boxes. Even though I massacred their entire race, I felt we were buddies, and eventually enjoyed the entire game. Until I met the fucking [*snip!* - you'll have to wait for tomorrow's reveal for this one!].

SIDE NOTE: My friend Joe bought me an incredible, officially licensed Slime ashtray in Japan, but nary an ash shall ever grace its wonderful blue face.

I'd love a slime ashtray; I myself own a slime PS2 controller by Hori, which - like Chris' ashtray - I would never actually use for sheer love of the thing. Here's a few pics of someone else's:

Slime got missed by a few people who identified him as Rocket from the Dragon Quest Heroes games. Sorry, he's the original. But don't feel too bad: it didn't cost those of you who got dinged for that a prize.

#6: Sagat, Street Fighter
(Arcade, 1987)

Sagat was another one of Nate's picks. He was quite insistent, actually. The exact wording of his request:

Sagat, motherfuckers.

Still, it's hard to say it any other way. Sagat is serious business, and I have detailed statistics from studies I've done that prove the Street Fighter III games underperformed purely due to Sagat's absence. Ya rly.

Here's my favorite piece of official Sagat art, lording over a crumpled, ruined Dan:

Let me tell you: finding it was a true pain in the ass. Do a Google image search for "Sagat", and you find pictures of a naked dude with an erection on virtually every page of results. I don't know why, I don't care to know why. But I'm revolted, and want some props for putting myself through that.

Everyone recognized Sagat, but they differed on the game he first appeared in: some said Street Fighter, others Street Fighter II. I created some of that ambiguity with my drawing: though Sagat did first appear in SFI, the massive shoryuken scar in the drawing is SFII era. I accepted either answer as correct. But if that scar wasn't visible, all you guys who answered SFII would've been screwed.

#7: Crono, Chrono Trigger
(Super Nintendo Entertainment System, 1995)

Another classic choice by Jonathan McNamara.

Crono (yes Crono, not Chrono, but don't worry, I didn't ding anyone for spelling) is the star of Square-Enix's Chrono Trigger, one of the best games to ever appear on the SNES... or maybe just period. If you've never tried it, log off right now and go find a SNES and copy of the game. Actually don't just go right now, finish reading first. We're almost done anyway.

Crono, by Akira Toriyama

It's hard for me to say anything about Chrono Trigger, though, without my brain shutting off and instead talk about the fact it hasn't appeared on Nintendo's Virtual Console yet (if ever). Who are we supposed to be blaming? Is Nintendo being a stubborn gatekeeper to the service (and if so, how are we getting the shitty games we often do each week?), or is Square holding out because they've found easy money in re-releasing and/or remaking all their classic titles every couple years? I want to be a good consumer, guys; I have money to spend. Don't force gamers to hunt down the ROM.

All but one entrant got Crono and Chrono Trigger right.

And now the last reveal of the day...

#8: The Avatar, Ultima
(multiplatform, 1990)
"Most Difficult"

The Avatar was one of my picks for the banner, and turned out to be the biggest headache for people. Of all the entries, only one person correctly identified him, making him the most difficult of the 23. Most people didn't even guess, just leaving a "?" for their #8.

However obscure, though, the question was fair. The ankh on the character's chest - which I made sure was visible - should've tipped off anyone familiar with the Ultima series. Here's the art I based his appearance on, the cover of Ultima VI: The False Prophet.

I picked this version because Ultima VI, simply put, blew my friggin' mind. I was a fan of all the prior games in the series, but U6 was the one that really drove me crazy with adoration. It was a game I'd load up on my shitty PC and play without any sense of time at all, suddenly realizing in panic that the sun was rising, I'd played all night, and I had to be at school in an hour. This happened at least a dozen times, yet I didn't care. Ultima VI was - and still is - brilliant, one of the best RPGs ever. People forget how insanely great the Ultima games - especially, V, VI and VII - were. Mostly because VIII and IX were so fucking terrible.

By the way, I had to base the character's appearance on the box cover since his in-game persona is pretty simple and tough to make out:

The other problem was that you can pick your character's portrait in the game, so I had to go with the "default" appearance.

This character was like Sagat in that it was a little fuzzy what game you should name to be "correct". His appearance is distinctly Ultima VI, no question there. But it could be argued the character is the same one you controlled in Ultima IV: Quest of the Avatar, or even the original Ultima (when the protagonist was simply known as The Stranger). I probably would've accepted any of those as correct, but as it turned out, only one person recognized The Avatar anyway.

That's all for today, guys. Tomorrow we'll do 9-16, one of those having earned the title of "Most Misleading" - that is, the character most often mistaken for another character entirely.

Take care,

gwh