Take it Outside: The Future of Games?

Posted by Chris Ward at 3:31 PM May 19, 2008

I'm getting ready to complete my thoughts on Wii Fit for the next edition of Game On, and it occurs to me how stupid this all is: Nintendo dropping an exercise game on America in the middle of the most beautiful weather of the year (*claim VOID in contiguous states with shitty weather). Why in the hell would I want to hop up and down on a balance board when I could be throwing beer bottles at passing semi trailers, and running like hell? Now THAT'S good exercisin'!

Then it occurs to me, as if Shigeru Miyamoto himself whispered it into my ear, that once attention is turned from the Xbox and PS3 pissing contests that are Better Graphics and Faster Processing Speeds, the next logical step would be to move gaming outside your living room and into a real world environment.

Thanks to Nintendo, games have moved outside of 13-18 year old boys' bedrooms (that smell of BO and Cool Ranch Doritos), and become an essential part of the family's entertainment center. The only place to go after that is out the front door.

And, because of the impossibly tiny living quarters most Japanese folk deal with, I wouldn't be surprised if Nintendo could one day seamlessly takes a big budget console idea outdoors. They'd be the only company to even think about attempting something like this. If the Wii is the perfection of the terrible Power Glove, maybe a perfect version of the awful Virtual Boy is in the cards? I'm not pretending to be Arthur C. Clarke. Hell, I'm not even Ms. Cleo.

But it just seems like a bummer to sit inside on a rock hard plastic board on a nice day, rather than be jogging down the street in clear Nintendo sunglasses that make it appear like I'm hopping over Goombas as I run down the street. Hey, to the outside observer, that can't be as weird as watching some guy talk to himself via a douchy Bluetooth earpiece. The line between "business man" and "homeless schizophrenic" continues to blur, baby!

I'm sure some of you have read this (all two of you) and said, "he's just talking about a Game Boy here." But I'm thinking bigger...something that involves your whole body (like the Wii) and not just staring at your lap (like the Game Boy). As an inevitability, games are getting closer and closer to real life. Jesus, Game Informer Magazine has just announced that Guitar Hero 4 will have a mode where you can WRITE YOUR OWN FUCKING SONGS. Ridiculous, I know. But it's all happening. The good news is that I won't have to buy Guitar Hero 5, because I'll already have it sitting in a guitar case in my bedroom, complete with guitar pick peripheral and amplifier. As it turns out, I've owned Guitar Hero 5 since 1993. Wrap your head around THAT shit.

And, after all this comes to pass, and gaming reaches it's technological apex, I can finally fulfill my dream of having sex with Sandra Bullock by only holding her hands. And if you got that reference, perhaps you can tell me what the seashell in the bathroom is for.