MY FAILED VIDEO GAME TV SHOW

Posted by Chris Ward at 6:33 AM May 14, 2008

I believe the children are our future, so enough time has passed that I can talk about my failed adventures in creating a TV show, something a few of my co-workers were successfully doing at the time by launching Robot Chicken. Maybe the little ones will learn something from my cautionary tale, or maybe they'll just wonder why I've gathered them all in my front room with the promise of "Poke-Man Cards" and "Bubble Tape" (neither of which I have, or intend to share).

Once upon a time, years and years ago while working at Wizard Magazine and slowly dying on the inside, I created a show called....

Years back, a few of Wizard Magazine's founding staffers—Doug Goldstein and Matt Senreich—left the company, hitched their star to Seth Green's wagon, and created Robot Chicken, the animated version of the time-honored Twisted Toyfare Theater.



Left to right: a small fellow, non-sequitor chicken, Matt Senreich

As monthly writers for Twisted Toyfare Theatre, Doug and Matt were well versed in the art of making toys say stupid shit, and simply lifted the idea over to an animated format with Seth Green as their Hollywood collateral. We wished them well, though the pilot episode wasn't very funny (yeah, I said it...), and to everyone's surprise the show took off. And we were all jealous.

Immediately, there must have been 4 or 5 guys at the Wizard offices who began working on pilots. I already wrote for TTT, so I figured I was a shoe in. None of these ideas would ever make it past the pitching their shows to Matt, Doug and the Cartoon Network guys. And, since there were simply no ideas left to steal from Toyfare Magazine, many of us were—ugh—forced to come up with something original. After several misfires ("talking french fries, taken? fuck! how about an unfunny blue screen-heavy show? already done? double fuck!"), I came up with Press Start: a parody of the old Captain N animated series except, in my version, Captain N wants nothing to do with his new video game existence.




Our Prototype Press Start character for pitch purposes, a modified NES Link

The premise was simple: no one had ever attempted an 8-Bit animated cartoon on TV. In this one, a guy gets sucked into his Nintendo, ends up in a low-res videogame land populated by skewed versions of familiar characters, and goes on to lead a miserable existence in a world where (thanks to an infinite life code of his own doing) can never die. The high concept pitch? "Jean-Paul Sartre meets Super Mario." The low concept pitch? "Hey, we're cashing in on nostalgia, being irreverant and riffing on our favorite hobby."



Shown: Wheelchair Ninja. A Ninja Gaiden-type, handicapable killing machine.

I asked my friend, fellow video game nut and (now) Toyfare Editor Justin Aclin, the head writer and brilliant plot guy behind Twisted ToyFare Theater to help me out, as he was funnier than me and I could ride his potential star to Adult Swim's golden shores (less gay than it sounds).

We had Appleheaded, sweetly retarded versions of Mushroom Kingdom cronies, tons of episode ideas lined up, and even a darkly Saved by the Bell-esque theme song that I wrote and had recorded by some guy in Minnesota (who never got paid). The lyrics:

When Brad got fired from his job/he fell into his old routine/I think he got his girlfriend pregnant/THEN HE WAS SUCKED INTO A VIDEO GAAAMMME!

And so on. Here's a demo, written by me, performed by this guy Jay Hollen. It's better than anything John Carpenter's band ever did, baby!:

Download the file here.

Justin casually pitched all this to the Robot Chicken guys....who passed. They couldn't see it working. This blew my fucking mind, so I turned to my other industry pal (and namesake), Chris Ward,
(aka, MC Chris).




Graciously, he said he could put me in contact with THE guy I needed to talk to at Adult Swim, but that I should be ready and go in with something they can actually see. I began getting some money together for an animated demo, and putting out feelers (having ZERO idea how to make something like this). My friend Dan in Minnesota (winner of Wizard's Direct to DVD video contest and hilarious no-good-nik, despite what ABC News said about his losing Super Bowl Dorito Commerical entry) has a small production company, and began work on storyboards for the live-action, Captain N-style intro.



And then, it all went to shit.

G4 JOINS FORCES WITH WRITER-DIRECTOR-ACTOR ADAM DE LA PEÑA FOR ANIMATED PILOT ABOUT 1980S VIDEO GAME PROGRAMMERS

The Comic Genius Behind “Minoriteam” and “I’m With Busey” Brings His Patented Edgy Humor and Twisted Sensibility to the Audience That Most Appreciates It: G4’s M18–34 Demo.

[It] will "literally look like a videogame," said de la Pena, who's utilizing a visual style similar to that seen in early-generation Super Nintendo games. G4 picked up a pilot for "Code Monkeys" last fall.
"They live in a surreal world where anything can happen," he said, adding that there will be visual allusions to a host of '80s videogames.

Shown: Genius behind "I'm With Busey."

I have never been so depressed in my fucking life. As we all know, Code Monkeys went on to be one of the SHITTIEST FUCKING SHOWS EVER TO RAPE MY TELEVISION. But I'm sure tens of people are delighted by average pot humor (420, dude!) and a writing team who must swell up with beesting-like reactions when exposed to things like punchlines and cleverness. I'm not saying I'm perfect but, Jesus Christ, if you've managed to jump through every last hoop to get a TV show on the air, why in the hell are you telling poop jokes?

Here are the lessons I learned from this experience:
1. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. Someone out there has the same idea as you, no matter how original you think it is. And they are waiting to sell it to G4, who will air anything. So don't sit on your ass.

2. There are two kinds of people in the world: people who think monkeys are inherently funny, and those who don't. Everyone who watches Code Monkeys and Robot Chicken (from Stoopid Monkey Productions, naturally) seems to think monkeys are inherently funny, and I still don't get it. I'm not saying I'm better than them...I just don't understand. Someone, please explain this to me.

3. It really IS who you know. And even then, good luck, asshole.

4. If I were ever pitch Press Start again, I would just look like an unoriginal hack. Ironically, I should have just pitched something from ToyFare Magazine in the first place. Like an action figure customization show, or something (first! first! dibs!!!)

5. Had my show been picked up, it would have probably been re-named "Chimp Ninjas," "Game Turkeys" or any number of animal/word pairings appealing to somebody's demographic data.

EPILOGUE: For a while there, I thought De le Pena straight up stole my idea, until I realized that's probably impossible. But, yes, there should be a law where you can sue a guy for taking a similar idea and fucking it up for everyone else. Seriously, no one will never, ever, ever greenlight another 8-Bit show after this travesty. And so Press Start, and it's awesome theme song, will never see the light of day. We've worked a few of the jokes into the Twisted ToyFare Theater Nintendo parodies over the past year, but it's just not the same. I may not roll with their jokes, but the Robot Chicken crew are still alright guys...they just go to the Playboy Mansion now (seriously) and have Wikipedia pages (though I'll always remember the times I threw up in their toilet as a Wizard intern).

As for me? The extent of my fame shall remain this actual factoid on MC Chris' IMDB.com page

Nickname
MC Chris

Height
5' 5" (1.65 m)

Trivia

Enjoys performing improv comedy.

He is also a rap artist who goes by the name mc chris.

Is not the same Chris Ward who writes for Wizard magazine.

That, and I have a hot wife who Seth Green totally eyeballs every time we're around him...either cause she's taller, or hotter, or both. I don't know. Still, this round to me, Green!