House of the Dead 2 & 3: zombies decomposing, or just the Wii's appeal? [REVIEW]
Posted by Chris Ward at 5:15 PM Apr 19, 2008
Matching flesh wounds: kind of disturbing. 6" bellybuttons: very disturbing.
If you don’t remember a game called The Typing of the Dead, you’re not alone.
Released on the failed Sega Dreamcast system, this gory, hilariously titled arcade-style shooter was in many ways exactly like its popular counterpart, The House of the Dead. But instead of aiming a gun at the screen, players fired by typing non sequiturs -- “Smeg Head,” “Potato Man,” etc. -- on the keyboard. When typed quickly and accurately, the corresponding letters blasted bloodthirsty corpses with a kind of Alphabet Ammunition not seen since Bert and Ernie went 187 on a motherfuckin’ cop.
It’s no shock that a hunt-and-peck-heavy action game—last popular with school kids typing “BANG!” in 1974’s Oregon Trail—never got as popular as the arcade Light Gun. If for no other reason, no hardcore gamer wanted to look inadequate next to Pam down in Accounts Receivable (she with the 150 words-per-minute kill-typing skills.)
Yes, Typing of the Dead was gimmicky and laughable, but it also turned out to be much more: a unique, surprisingly enjoyable game in a zombified industry plagued with brainless, carbon-copy titles. No wonder it still enjoys cult status, as well as its share of critical praise.
Typing of the Dead is incredibly pertinent to the Wii release of “House of the Dead 2 & 3 Return,” and not only because they’re part of the same franchise. It’s relevant because House of the Dead 2 & 3—a paired re-issue of two ’90s-era arcade games—no matter how you slice it, is another lazy, third-party Wii release that still isn’t as fun as a goddamned typing-based Sega Dreamcast game from 1999.
This isn’t necessarily an indictment of the House of the Dead series; retro, arcade shooter games were simply made to be adapted for the Wii, and nostalgic fans of the genre will love this inexpensive compilation in quick bursts. Time hasn’t been kind to House of the Dead’s graphics (which are still scary, just no longer in the intended way), but it’s still the same mindless shooting-gallery entertainment you’d expect from the quarter-draining classic.
Still, playing House of the Dead 2&3 again, this time on a $300 next-gen system, leads to an inescapable conclusion: If the Wii had been readily available to everyone who wanted one back in 2006, it would have already gone the way of the Dreamcast because of its perpetual dry spell of worthy games. Two years later, you can still count Wii’s must-buy offerings on one hand; playing ancient shooters between long-awaited Nintendo blockbusters like Super Smash Bros. Brawl (itself a retread of a 1999 game) just ain’t cuttin’ it anymore. Where we should be getting games that take advantage of the Wii’s brilliant technology, instead we’re force-fed piss poor bargain-bin clutter. Where’s today’s third-party developer with the balls to create something like “QWERTY-Typing Horror” and see it through?
Perhaps there is hope on the horizon. September brings a promising new game called De Blob, starring a mischievous paint blob who’s charged with restoring color to a black-and-white village – kinda like Pleasantville with anthropomorphic art supplies. But that same month also marks the debut of other Wii tripe such as Build-a-Bear Workshop. Yep, a game based on the plush taxidermy chain of the same name.
So if you too have exhausted all other Wii options, maybe it’s time to saddle up and relive the ’90s with House of the Dead 2&3. Better yet, relive the ’80s with more of Nintendo’s Virtual Console retreads. You might even purchase one of the many, many other third-party Wii games available and re-live the time you got shot in the face with a BB gun.
Or you could just drop $30 on a Sega Dreamcast and a dusty, used copy of Typing of the Dead, and spare yourself the heartache.
House of the Dead 2 & 3 Return
Publisher: Sega
Platform: Wii
Price: $29.99
ESRB Rating: M (for Mature)
Score: 5 (out of 10)
