See the polished version over atVillage Voice Media.com's Game On column, or find it in any free Village Voice paper near you (near the skin ads at the back). But, because I love you, here's the warts and all bloggy version for the web with extra shit thrown in...
ACTUAL SCREEN SHOT
At 16 years old, most people get their driver’s license.
But my initial reaction to Mario Kart Wii, the landmark franchise that turns 16 this year, was to revoke Nintendo’s license. The citation? Releasing an identical (albeit cute) racing game year after year and expecting us to re-purchase each title. That’s the George Lucas approach to marketing in action.
I have a closet full of videogame stuff – literally: a closet, full. In truth it’s more of a closet-and-a-half, the boxes beginning to creep out the door a few feet into my office.
It’s a little bit of everything – old consoles (I’m especially proud of my TurboDuo modded with an S-Video output), reams of old magazines (the first couple years of Nintendo Power, practically the entire catalog of Diehard Gamefan), and a veritable Tutankhamen’s tomb of preorder bonuses and collector’s editions stretching back decades. Offhand, I’m having trouble thinking of a videogame relic I don’t own, aside from a Neo-Geo (but I’m looking).
So in a way, my girlfriend couldn’t possibly know all the shit I've got squirreled away - how could she, when even I’ve lost track?
Just the same, there are a few things I’ve made a point of her not knowing about, because... well... there'd be too much explaining. You understand. And since she only reads Joystick Division when I insist… we’ll just keep this our little secret, ‘kay?
Normally I'd let Kevin have the last word on conservative columnist Katherine Kersten's latest rant; I'd be too busy kicking prostitutes in the teeth to get my underdoodles in a twist over the ravings of one more mentally deficient sermonizer. But it's reportedly several months before a PC version of GTA IV comes out (if ever), so I have tons of free time.
Also, I'm armed with a new copy of Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do (By Lawrence Kutner and Cheryl Olson, and hereafter referred to as Kutner & Olson). It's a great book, one that any gamer should read (and one I'll likely quote many times here in the future). It discusses the violent-media studies of the past and details a new set of studies performed by the authors, a pair of academics with no previous game experience or ties to the games industry. And I need to justify expensing the book, so let's get ready to rumble.
A few weeks ago I wondered what might change for Play Magazine now that Dave Halverson has stepped down (or over, or up, or however he’d characterize it) from the Editor in Chief position. Well it only took a month: the new EIC, Brady Fiechter, announced in his very first Letter from the Editor his intention to abolish review scores from Play altogether.
Maybe. His exact words:
Yes, dear reader, I am tired of scoring games, as is the rest of the Play staff, so take this as a warning: next month you may not be seeing scores any longer.
That issue's reviews reflect all the clarity and certainty of his declaration: some reviews have a numerical score, another has a “VR” (very recommended, I presume?), and their rating system key now simply says “TBA?”
Cynics might point out that given the flak Play has taken over a run of… er, "inordinately generous" review scores it’s issued to games that nobody anywhere seemed to enjoy as much, this isn’t shocking. (The definitive example being Lair, a mediocre brown-tinted Rogue Squadron rehash turned nightmare by horrendously inadequate Sixaxis motion controls, which Play awarded a baffling 9 out of 10.)
Personally, I think the lack of decisiveness is the real criticism here – especially when abandoning review scores would be such a tremendous, worthwhile move to make.
Letter writer Joshua Nichols points out some selective editing by Strib conservative lightning rod Katherine Kersten in her recent column on Grand Theft Auto IV.
"[T]eenage boys of America," wrote one reviewer, "... you can still kill and maim and plunder and screw until your heart is full," but now "the violence is no longer cartoonish." Thanks to GTA IV's new realism, when G-stringed strippers grind the main character's lap, the player's controller vibrates in response.
But if you run the phrase "can still kill and maim and plunder and screw" through a Google search, you'll find the source material, this Slate column. As you'll see from reading the full quote in context, Kersten used some selective editing to remove portions that were inconvenient to her conservative orthodoxy.
I doubt I'm the first person to admit hoping that there would be something really wrong with Grand Theft Auto IV, just so I could learn a few valuable lessons about the corrupt, ass-kissing nature of the game review business and the general perils of buying into hype. There's just one problem: It is as good as everyone says. The graphics are somewhere between "good enough" and "damn that's pretty"; the character animations are exquisite, the gameplay is exciting, and Liberty City is, at least from what I've played so far, one of the most eye-catching, detailed and explorable gameplay worlds of all time. There's some of the usual GTA issues -- I expected and got at least one hair-pulling mission that required way too many tries, a few other missions that required some "what in the hell is happening" trial-and-error, and a fair amount of long-hike chase missions that tested my patience -- but it's more or less impossible to make a Grand Theft Auto game without those things. The real problems that drove me completely insane in the previous games are largely solved: gunfights are kinetic and easily controllable, with a useful cover system that changes the whole dynamic of what used to be a massive headache of a gameplay mechanic; icons are clear and easy to spot; navigating between checkpoints and mission markers is done through a simple and intutitive GPS system (though it still leaves you on your own to discover useful shortcuts along the way) ... you'd really have to scrape the bottom of the bitch barrel to find something serious to complain about here.
As video game reviewer guys, a ton of free games show up on our doorsteps from Public Relations firms hoping we'll review them all, complete with typically awful and hyperbolic press release. With only 52 print reviews allotted per year in the Village Voice, a lot of shit doesn't get reviewed by Gary and I. And I do mean shit...with a wealth of games to consider for review, some games don't even get the shrink wrapping taken off. Some games my cats chew on. Some games get given away to people we dislike immensely.
In this edition of PR Nightmares, we review an unopened copy of...
As a fan of both Conan O'Brien and the GTA series, I've been enjoying the recent convergence of the two interests on late night TV. Conan offers a "nice" version of GTA IV using real in-game footage:
The Conan clips are a primitive example of machinima, a burgeoning artform that uses videogame technology to do to movies what blogs did for publishing.
Machinima (pronounced /məˈʃiːnəmə/ or /məˈʃɪnəmə/), a Portmanteau of machine cinema,[1] is a collection of associated production techniques whereby computer-generated imagery (CGI) is rendered using real-time, interactive 3-D engines, such as those of games, instead of professional 3D animation software. Engines from first-person shooter and role-playing simulation video games are typically used. Consequently, the rendering can be done in real-time using PCs (either using the computer of the creator or the viewer), rather than with complex 3D engines using huge render farms. Usually, machinima productions are produced using the tools (demo recording, camera angle, level editor, script editor, etc.) and resources (backgrounds, levels, characters, skins, etc.) available in a game.
Not shocking, but great news anyway: Capcom has released photos of the original four bosses from Street Fighter II - Balrog (or Bison, depending on your nationality), Vega (or Balrog, depending on your nationality), Bison (or Vega, depending on your nationality), and Sagat (or... actually he's Sagat everywhere, I just got into a rhythm there) - in full 3D and mixing it up in Street Fighter IV.
I'm busting. I love it. I can't wait. Some people are disappointed that Capcom is dumping most (i.e., seemingly all) of the Street Fighter III cast for part IV, but those people are crazy and should not be listened to. The gameplay was brilliant, but with only a few exceptions (Makoto, Ibuki, maybe Dudley), the SFIII roster was ass. Complete and utter ass. And I don't mean Jessica Biel ass... I mean goatse ass. Google it, and you'll get the picture (in more ways than one).
I admit, as a purist I was skeptical and dismayed when I heard SFIV was going to be 3D rather than traditional 2D, hand drawn animation... but I'm really liking how it's turning out aesthetically. Now if only they could get those backgrounds to look as good...
